MSE News: Single mothers 'worst hit by cuts'

EclipsedMind

Marisco wrote: »

Not really, because all divorcees don't have children, some are not married but have been in long term relationships, some might have grown up children, but are on their own. Single mums come in all sorts of situations, but it's the term "single mum" that conjours up the "stereotype", which is not fair on the others.

Whilst I appreciate what you are saying I would suggest that language is already sufficiently rich to apply differentiation of the sub-types of single mother. e.g. divorced mum, cohabiting mum, widowed mum.

If you consider a newspaper report they would say something like "divorced mother of two" or some such. Its laziness that makes people just say single mum to cover a broad spectrum of women raising children alone.

Language is a tool and where it is not fit for purpose it evolves and sometimes changes just for the sake of it. If people feel that "single mum" has too many negative connotations then invent a new term to describe things and as you use it hopefully you will inspire others to use it also and it will take root.

Rather than bore folks further on language and symantics I am happy to let it drop. I still think the original article is highly suspect due to misuse of statistics and deliberately not comparing like for like to obtain a desired headline to match an agenda.

EM

diamond

Matt_Fry wrote: »

If a benefit claimant chooses to be unemployed then he gets nothing.

If a housing claimant chooses to be homeless then he get no state housing.

If a woman chooses to be a single parent, she gets benefits, a house, free medical, schooling - and child maintenance.

In the EU, she gets nothing. She thinks twice before getting her knickers off. That does away with a need for a CSA and benefits complety.

I shouldn't rise to this but feel compelled. What's your name, Alf Garnett? Do you seriously think that a woman chooses to be a single parent? :mad: Honestly come on, use your brain! For the record it is not just women. My widowed male friend with 3 children under 10 has not CHOSEN his life to date.

Every time my sons father (3 times to be precise) CHOSE to walk out on us do you really think I wanted him to leave? I am not entitled to any benefits as my salary is deemed to be to high, however, if I am in a situation whereby I lose my job I won't be turning up my nose at benefits in order to keep a roof over our heads. I would take everything I am entitled to.

Your comment was so ignorant. It saddens me... and maddens me! :mad: Please think, educate yourself on a given subject before giving your meaningless opinion

Marisco

diamond wrote: »

Do you seriously think that a woman chooses to be a single parent? :mad:

Some do unfortunately:( That's why it's so wrong to lump them all together. You only have to read the threads about single mothers to see that.

princessdreamer

Suppose some do, most don't. There are some single parents who make me ashamed to be one like the single parent who ran off with my husband, she has gone from one man to the next since she split with her own husband. I think she is afraid of being alone.
Then there are ones like myself who have done nothing wrong yet end up alone, having to figure out how to pay the bills getting no help from ex. Wondering what will happen as he fights for the house we live in, took of with the car and left a load of debt. Now the government is making working for a living harder, making us pay for the CSA when the CSA often fails to get anything and deal with the constant implication that being a single mother is something to be ashamed of.

nottslass_2

Marisco wrote: »

Some do unfortunately:( That's why it's so wrong to lump them all together. You only have to read the threads about single mothers to see that.

But its only the very small minority thatactually"chooses" to be a"single mother".

Its only the ignorant or uneducated that stereotypes the majority based on a very small minority.

Forunately its now socially frowned upon to sterotype people based solely on Race,age, nationality or gender,perhaps one day the same will applied to single mothers.

The interesting thing is that I've never heard the view that a single parent father who has to rely on benefits is a "!!!!less breeding scrounger"

carpedieme

It makes me mad when I read alot of the previous comments re tax credits going up or down childcare costs going up or down etc etc etc. I was a single parent for ten years ( Ex left, thought grass was greener elsewere, turnedout to be brown!! )I went from working a two day week tofulltime plus through absolute necessity to keepour heads above water. Ex did always pay maintenance on time religiously albeit a small amount, however I received no help from anywhere as I was just above the threshold for everything, also had topay for childcare at my house no family help. My job is within the NHS working three shifts and every weekend, I got off my not small XXXX and went to work whichiswhat a lot of people would be advised to doinstead of moaning what benefits have been cut, living within your means and not running up debts you cant afford also helps!

gillypkk

carpedieme wrote: »

It makes me mad when I read alot of the previous comments re tax credits going up or down childcare costs going up or down etc etc etc. I was a single parent for ten years ( Ex left, thought grass was greener elsewere, turnedout to be brown!! )I went from working a two day week tofulltime plus through absolute necessity to keepour heads above water. Ex did always pay maintenance on time religiously albeit a small amount, however I received no help from anywhere as I was just above the threshold for everything, also had topay for childcare at my house no family help. My job is within the NHS working three shifts and every weekend, I got off my not small XXXX and went to work whichiswhat a lot of people would be advised to doinstead of moaning what benefits have been cut, living within your means and not running up debts you cant afford also helps!

thats all well and good but 99% of jobs available wont cover the childcare costs and you cannot work if you cannot pay for the childcare and you will end up struggling to put food on the table at the end of it all. childminders are hard to come by in my area and there are several who have a bad reputation so jobs with evening and weekends are out as there is literally no one to watch my children. in an ideal world their father would watch them while i work but seeing as as recently as last night he was posting threats to me all over his facebook account that is never going to happen so simply telling people to get off their !!! and get a job is not really helpful is it?

FBaby

carpedieme wrote: »

It makes me mad when I read alot of the previous comments re tax credits going up or down childcare costs going up or down etc etc etc. I was a single parent for ten years ( Ex left, thought grass was greener elsewere, turnedout to be brown!! )I went from working a two day week tofulltime plus through absolute necessity to keepour heads above water. Ex did always pay maintenance on time religiously albeit a small amount, however I received no help from anywhere as I was just above the threshold for everything, also had topay for childcare at my house no family help. My job is within the NHS working three shifts and every weekend, I got off my not small XXXX and went to work whichiswhat a lot of people would be advised to doinstead of moaning what benefits have been cut, living within your means and not running up debts you cant afford also helps!

I agree totally with this post. It is not about whether the single parent becomes so by choice or not, it is about those single mothers who believe that their status distinguish them from the others in their inability to support themselves.

I can have some sympathy with the mother of 5 young children suddenly finding herself a widow, but the single mum of two children both at school who cries that she can't work because of problems with childcare is just hiding behind the excuse because the government allows her to do so. If there were no tax credits and the rest, that mother would find a way to work and support her children.

I became a single mum when my children were 18 months and 4 yo, and work full-time. There are now 8 and 11 and during that time, my company went through 2 reorganisations, I moved bases twice (each time further away) and I had to reapply for my job twice. Each time, I had to re-arrange childcare both during term-time and holidays, had to negotiate with my manager (went through 6 different ones during that time) when my children were poorly or off school for other reasons, and cope with an ex who made my life hell and paid no support.

Yes, it is tough, very tough, but I don't believe that it is forceably tougher than for any woman, single or not. Many working couples don't have a choice but to both work, and don't have a choice but to rely on childcare and face the same stress. That's how life is, we all have to support ourselves and our offsprings, some are 'lucky' that it comes easier, others have to struggle to do so.

Yes, there are some employers who show very little flexibility, but there are many who do. When I went for my interview, i actually chose to tell the panel that I had a 3 yo and 5 months old because I knew that if this was a real problem for them, it would be for me too. I insisted though that I was hard working and dedicated and somehow, I must have been convincing (maybe because I am indeed?) because they gave the job, even though I later found out I had the least experience of the sector than any of the other interviewees.

One can chose to believe that everything is impossible and therefore pose themselves as a victim who needs assistance for everything, or one can decide to strive to better themselves, even if the odds are stack against them.

FBaby

gillypkk wrote: »

thats all well and good but 99% of jobs available wont cover the childcare costs and you cannot work if you cannot pay for the childcare and you will end up struggling to put food on the table at the end of it all. childminders are hard to come by in my area and there are several who have a bad reputation so jobs with evening and weekends are out as there is literally no one to watch my children. in an ideal world their father would watch them while i work but seeing as as recently as last night he was posting threats to me all over his facebook account that is never going to happen so simply telling people to get off their !!! and get a job is not really helpful is it?

Here we go.... How do you come up with this figure of 99%? That would mean that 99% of single mums with children requiring childcare don't work.... I very much doubt that is the case thankfully.

If childminders are hard to come by in your area, change areas. If you didn't get all the support from the government and HAD to work, wouldn't you do so?

I too have an ex who I can't be relied on at all. He only had the kids saturday days until they could get up on their own and let him a lie in and he accepted to have them one overnight every 2 weeks. During the summer holidays, i am lucky if he has them 4 or 5 days out of the 6 weeks, and of course, I am left for organising all the childcare, he only is a dad for all the fun part of the role.

We don't live in an ideal world, we live in a world where most people accept its limits and try to work through them. Some just don't really try because they prefer to focus on all the reasons why they can't do something rather than on what they could actually do.

WPN

FBaby wrote: »

Here we go.... How do you come up with this figure of 99%? That would mean that 99% of single mums with children requiring childcare don't work.... I very much doubt that is the case thankfully.

If childminders are hard to come by in your area, change areas. If you didn't get all the support from the government and HAD to work, wouldn't you do so?

I too have an ex who I can't be relied on at all. He only had the kids saturday days until they could get up on their own and let him a lie in and he accepted to have them one overnight every 2 weeks. During the summer holidays, i am lucky if he has them 4 or 5 days out of the 6 weeks, and of course, I am left for organising all the childcare, he only is a dad for all the fun part of the role.

We don't live in an ideal world, we live in a world where most people accept its limits and try to work through them. Some just don't really try because they prefer to focus on all the reasons why they can't do something rather than on what they could actually do.

Surely... 99% of jobs, not 99% of single mums? I know what you are saying and the "statistic" is made up... but you aren't sure whether 100% of single mums apply for the 99% or 100% apply for the 1%.

Also, I guess its not that easy to relocate all the time to suit your needs.