younger sister just attacked my mother..

scooby088

Quackers wrote: »

Lol, I've lost count of the amount of times my daughter attacked me.

Thankfully (!?), at 16 she had neurosurgery and as well as her epilepsy it also stopped her terrible mood swings. The surgeon and her consultant told me this would happen - I didn't believe it...

I'm not sure there were enough hours in my day during her teenage years to call the police every time she attacked me.

When she went she had no control over what she was doing and had the strength of 10 men...

Calling the police never once entered my mind.

I'm thinking that you have no experience what so ever of young adults with learning disabilities - from the OP's description of her sister I think this is what is being described here.

Good Luck OP. After being involved with social services over the past 3 years with my ex partner and his children I am not surprised at all that they have no interest. I have lost faith in our local social services dept.

You could try for a referral to your local CAHMs dept? They may be able to offer some support.

you are so wrong my OH has been hit by her own 13 yo, she will not allow me to call the police as she uses the threat of walking out on me and making herself homeless. Next time he does it i will protect my OH.

Quackers

scooby088 wrote: »

you are so wrong my OH has been hit by her own 13 yo, she will not allow me to call the police as she uses the threat of walking out on me and making herself homeless. Next time he does it i will protect my OH.

I'm sorry to hear that - and sorry I presumed.

Has he got a learning difficulty/disability? Or is he just naughty?

You're in a tough position and I cannot imagine what its like to see your partner be hit by her son.

From her point of view though it's not as easy as it sounds to call the police.

sock-knitter

i have teenage sons with adhd, and aspergers, many times they've assaulted me, andalso others such as staff at school.
social services are a waste of time, they just tell u to ring police. which i have done many times, they've had cautions. gone to court, and also done community service, they are 16 now, and involved with youth offending team, doing a course called 'do it differently',
hasnt stopped all the meltdowns and tantrums, but it sure has stopped the violence

Allegra

scooby088 wrote: »

doesn't really matter if he knows, if assault is a by product then this needs to be sorted and the police are good at doing that. Like i said i would not suffer it if a child of mine did it.

If a young adult has a mental illness or learning disability that results in them not understanding the relationship between cause and effect, and no control over their own emotions, how exactly is calling the police going to help ?

They are upset, they are distressed, they have no clue as to what is happening to them, they are reacting in the only way they know how, and then suddenly there's these strange people descending on them and they feel they are being punished.... For what ? For getting upset ? For being different ? Yeah, that's going to do them a lot of good. That's gonna do the whole family a whole lotta good.

Of course, if the child or young adult in question DOES know what they are doing, and IS able to understand cause/effect as it relates to them, and measures are being taken to teach them what is happening to them, and there is understanding that they CAN control themselves sufficiently, just choose not to.... Well, different kettle of fish. In that case, I'm with you.

But you better be damn sure which it is before you take action....

scooby088

Quackers wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear that - and sorry I presumed.

Has he got a learning difficulty/disability? Or is he just naughty?

You're in a tough position and I cannot imagine what its like to see your partner be hit by her son.

From her point of view though it's not as easy as it sounds to call the police.

We don't know he is very intelligent and quite a likeable young man, he is in nearly all the top classes in school, we are currently has CAHMS and MAST but it takes time to get an appointment to be assessed but he has refused to take part so i guess there isn't anything we can do, until it happens again, which i have said the police will be called.

Don't get me wrong i know it's hard for the OH to call the police on her own son but she has been advised to by the school.

Allegra

scooby088 wrote: »

you are so wrong my OH has been hit by her own 13 yo, she will not allow me to call the police as she uses the threat of walking out on me and making herself homeless. Next time he does it i will protect my OH.

Sounds like you two need to talk and make it very clear where the other is coming from, and find common ground. You are just trying to protect her, and really, if she realises and accepts that, she will not have to threaten to walk out on you.

But if this is her child and not yours, then you really have to accept that whilst emotionally you and the child have the same claim on her, practically the child comes about a billion miles ahead of you. You are an adult and you can take care of yourself, whilst the child can't.

I do very much understand the position you're in - my OH is in the same position. And no, it's not easy, and never will be, to take a step back and not intervene whilst I am under attack by my own daughter. But these are my wishes, and he loves me and trusts me enough to know that if I ask for something different to what he wants to do, there is a damn good reason for it.

Seek to understand and help the child instead - GP ? Anger management ? I can't suggest anything more specific as there is lack of details there, but help does exist, even if it is hard to access at times.

Of course, once you have exhausted all other options, if the behaviour still persists, then she might well come around to your POV and let you have your way. And it might well work. You do need to try it another way first though.

Allegra

scooby088 wrote: »

We don't know he is very intelligent and quite a likeable young man, he is in nearly all the top classes in school, we are currently has CAHMS and MAST but it takes time to get an appointment to be assessed but he has refused to take part so i guess there isn't anything we can do, until it happens again, which i have said the police will be called.

Don't get me wrong i know it's hard for the OH to call the police on her own son but she has been advised to by the school.

Sounds very much like my DD (Asperger's). She also refused to take part when she was first assessed by CAMHS. That does not mean that there isn't anything you can do, though - you can see CAMHS just you and OH, without him present, as there will be a lot of questions that you will want to answer out of his earshot, anyway. And if they need to see him (which they will want to at some point), a visit to the school can be arranged - get the school on your side for this (parent partnership can help if the school are dragging their feet).

Please don't call the police aqgainst your OH's express wishes, you may damage your relationship beyond repair. If you really feel that strongly about it, try and convince her and turn her round to your point of view, but don't go against her wishes. I'd chuck you for that, no second thoughts about it, even if I did end up regretting it the rest of my life. Practically, the child has to come first.

make_me_wise

Allegra wrote: »

I do very much understand the position you're in - my OH is in the same position. And no, it's not easy, and never will be, to take a step back and not intervene whilst I am under attack by my own daughter. But these are my wishes, and he loves me and trusts me enough to know that if I ask for something different to what he wants to do, there is a damn good reason for it.

I have nothing but respect for you. I cant imagine how it must feel to be under attack from your own child. It must take a huge amount of strength and understanding to be able to seperate the behaviour from the child and cope with this. Your posts on this thread have been inspiring

blue_monkey_2

make_me_wise wrote: »

I have nothing but respect for you. I cant imagine how it must feel to be under attack from your own child. It must take a huge amount of strength and understanding to be able to seperate the behaviour from the child and cope with this. Your posts on this thread have been inspiring

It is hard, but you have to understand why they are doing it, it is not their fault, their brain does not work with the same rationale as a child of the same age. I am not saying its easy as easy at that, but you know they are not doing it because they hate you or because they are aggresive, but because they cannot deal with the emotions they are feeling. Some kids will stomp off and sulk for an hour, some will scream at you.

When my son starts I can see it coming and I walk away and let him have some time on his own to ge it out of his system. You just never have anything breakable in the house and thank god for on the wall TV's!!

I know my neighbour has made comments to a friend of mine though...!! I've giving up feeling embarrassed.

meritaten

I've skipped a couple of pages so this may have been suggested already.
Phone the GP and ask for an emergency appt for your sister. go with her and explain to the GP what has happened and ask for an emergency appt with the local Mental Health Crisis Team (they may be called something different in your area.
If your sis refuses to go to the GP then you and Mum go.
btw - my gd has Aspergers and though he has temper tantrums he is unlikely to assault people.