Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

lizzie157

Hi all,


A bit down just now- had some bad news over weekend. A relative has died and its made me think. Lived down the road from them when I was a child but even though we live quite close now have not seen them for years except for in passing when out and about. So perhaps when I moan about my friends not bothering with me its maybe my payback for not keeping up with certain people. Its upset me and can't stop thinking about it.


Then my youngest daughters friends –there's 4 of them who are quite close friends (although she does have lots of friends at the moment)- well one of the mums organised a mums and daughters trip out and guess who was left out. I have come to the conclusion that it obviously is me in some way- wish I knew how because right now I'm feeling really lonely.
Although not an excuse doesn't help having a grumpy partner who seems to find fault with the whole of the human race.


Not much on the fab front – except for zumba, and dog walking haven't really felt like it although did re-do my nails earlier as they were very chipped.


Thanx for listening – really need to change my life in ways I don't want to discuss on a forum but every time I try to obstacles get in the way.:(


Hope the rest of you who are having it tough get a breakthrough soon. I'm sure things will work out. I suppose we just need to keep picking ourselves up and get on with it.

lessonlearned

lizzie157 wrote: »

Hi all,


A bit down just now- had some bad news over weekend. A relative has died and its made me think. Lived down the road from them when I was a child but even though we live quite close now have not seen them for years except for in passing when out and about. So perhaps when I moan about my friends not bothering with me its maybe my payback for not keeping up with certain people. Its upset me and can't stop thinking about it.


Then my youngest daughters friends –there's 4 of them who are quite close friends (although she does have lots of friends at the moment)- well one of the mums organised a mums and daughters trip out and guess who was left out. I have come to the conclusion that it obviously is me in some way- wish I knew how because right now I'm feeling really lonely.
Although not an excuse doesn't help having a grumpy partner who seems to find fault with the whole of the human race.


Not much on the fab front – except for zumba, and dog walking haven't really felt like it although did re-do my nails earlier as they were very chipped.


Thanx for listening – really need to change my life in ways I don't want to discuss on a forum but every time I try to obstacles get in the way.:(


Hope the rest of you who are having it tough get a breakthrough soon. I'm sure things will work out. I suppose we just need to keep picking ourselves up and get on with it.

I am so sorry to hear of your woes, not going to pick them over one by one because I don't really have any real suggestions or answers. All I can say is try and keep your chin up. So big hugs. Remember sometimes it's a rocky road and we just have to plod along.

In the words of the old George Harrison Album "All Things Must Pass" - Told you I was just an old hippy. Seriously even bad times don't last forever.

One thing you did say that triggered something though was the bit about your grumpy partner who finds fault with the human race.

I know I shouldn't but I had to smile - you could be describing my dear old dad (sometimes not so dear I'm afraid - he really upset me last week but I'm not going there). Literally. He's done it twice in the last month and I refuse to visit them when he's in this frame of mind.

It's tough on my mum - and me - I would love to spend a bit of quality time with her but dad just ruins it. I know I sound selfish but I've more than enough of my plate at the moment without having to pander to his moods and suffer his tantrums. I know he's old and tired out with looking after mum but this is nothing new - he's always been a cantankerous old s*d.

Do you remember the Victor Meldrew character - well that's my dad. I could never watch that programme, could never warm to the character - it was just too close to home for me. I couldn't find any humour in it because he was my dad personified.

Do you think your friends/family are put off by his demeanour - if so does he realise what's happening. A tricky one that.

I do understand what it feels like though. I'm afraid that even as a child I soon learned to keep my little friends well away from my parent's home. I just knew that my dad would make them feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.

Re the bit about payback for not visiting your relatives - don't torture yourself with this. Seriously - it's not divine retribution - it's just life.

I think you'll find that you are by no means in the minority here. None of us are that perfect at keeping up visits to friends and family. I think it's just the way we live now - we are all too busy and too tired to make the effort sometimes. It doesn't make us bad people - a bit misguided perhaps and sometimes not getting our priorities right.

It's the old thing isn't it - you never miss what you've got till it's gone.
Just resolve in future to try and see your friends/relatives more often - or at least the ones you actually like and can tolerate.:rotfl:

I know this sounds a bit ruthless - but since OH has been ill - I've learned who my real friends are and which family members are worth my love and attention. For those people who have done their best to help/comfort and support me I have nothing but love and admiration - as for the rest - they can whistle.;)

Harsh yes - but I no longer care. They've not been there for me - so as far as I'm concerned they are no longer on my radar.

Back soon ...........

angela110660

Mooloo wrote: »

HAving a problem today. Woke up early hours, with terrible lower back pain. The sciatica is back. Struggling to move today. I couldnt do my exercises at all. Have the heat pad on. Sitting with a cushion on my lap so that the laptop is raised.
Yesterday it was the neck and arm that were the worst. !!
Have so many bits of smellies lurking. Must start to use them more regularly thats for sure.
Talking of smellies, its time I attempted to get into the shower. Not sure I can though. Bathboard will have to be used today.

So sorry about the sciatica - have you tried ice pack instead of heat? This helped me amazingly.

angela110660

Clarabow wrote: »

Evening ladiesMooloo can I suggest some accupressure for the sciatica. Get a tennis ball or your fist and place it where it is most painful at the base of your spine, by your hip. Gently start putting pressure on, then increase till the pressure turns off the pain receptors. One of the few things that helped me when I was at my worst.

Onwards ladies xx

Found the tennis ball good = press it into the sore spot against the door though as you can then move it round and really get the pressure spot.

lessonlearned

maman wrote: »

On the football front, DH and I each had colleagues who were Rams fans (one from Ilkeston and one from Buxton). We always teased them by saying we knew the 'other Derby County supporter'.

Oooooh cheeky!!

Hope you enjoyed your walk - your'e making me feel guilty - still not done any walking. Actually I need to visit the chiropodist first - "me corns are killing me" - tmi.

Thanks for the link re the Alexander technique Skymist - will def have a look at that.

Bitsy & Tru - just keep going - it'll all come right in the end. Gently does it. Don't worry about a few days in the doldrums - it happens - you'll get your mojos back soon.

Anyway popped into see OH - he seems happy and settled. It's definitely a much nicer place than the last home - the staff are very caring and attentive. Mind you he does have that effect on people - generally people adore him - men and women alike. I think I've mentioned before he was (still is I guess) a very charismatic man - a real charmer - very much like Jack Nicholson but without the womanising.:rotfl:

Old ladies liked to mother him, young and not so young women fancied him and men liked to be his mate. (You will notice that he's nothing like my dad:D)

Anyway he said he's happy there - his words "It's more genteel than the other one". I know what he means - I don't mean to sound snobby but he is a gentleman, in every sense of the word. He never swears or uses offensive language, is always witty, charming and gracious, has the sweetest nature and has the most delicious sense of humour. I can tell he's got the staff eating out of the palm of his hand already.

So it looks like I've found the perfect place for him. Problem is such perfection comes at a price. I need to try and afford it now.

I would love to go back to working on site - it doespay very well but obviously house sales aren't that great at the moment. Many new build developments have been mothballed. Plus, although I am more than happy to get back into harness - realistically at 60 would anyone wish to employ me.

I could lie through my teeth and say I was 50 to get an interview but then HR would only find out when they came to do their checks. I know it's now illegal to discriminate against age - however we live in the real world and we all know how it really works.

Ah well - in the words of Mr Micawber - "something will turn up"

Bought some paint £21 :eek::eek: Will definitely have to go and get signed up for the B&Q over 60's discount:rotfl:

Anyway going to sort out dinner, veg from the garden:j and start prepping OH's room ready for painting tomorrow.

Tonight - if the rain holds off - its looking a bit murky - I want to light the chimnea and burn some paperwork. Have been decluttering my desk and there's a bit too much to shred.

Oooh - how I prattle on - hope you've all had a good weekend. To those who are feeling a little low - hugs and chin up.......

Stiff upper lip and all that :rotfl::rotfl:

podperson

Hi all,

Just a quick one today as am having a blitz clean and sorting out the spare room for visitors next week.

LL - glad your OH seems to be liking this place. It's quite sad isn't it that with something as important as care it has to come down to cost - people without much money surely shouldn't have to settle for somewhere substandard. Hope you manage to get something sorted when they reassess.

Mooloo - hoping you're feeling a bit better today.

Welcome to new people and *hugs* to those feeling down.

Haven't done much this weekend about from tidy, going to be a busy week this week so going to try and have a quiet night tonight I think. Hope everyone has a nice day x

Oh and your bead is gorgeous Maman

Jellybaby

Hi all, just dropping in to give you all huge hugs for all the help and support I've received. I'm just back from holiday and we had a fantastic time and its all thanks to you lot! As you know I was widowed earlier this year and dreaded going away with my boys as it was the first holiday on my own in 27 years but with all the tips and support I read on here I was much more confident in my approach as I knew I looked a damn sight better than I did five months ago - my hair was done, my nails and feet were done, I treated myself to THREE bottles of perfume at duty free and I had a new wardrobe that fitted my two stone lighter bod and some items were fitted which is a new thing for me. Don't get me wrong it was harder than I thought and I could easily have come home the first few days but I've learnt lots of things about myself and one of them is I'm not a quitter.

As I've obviously got a bit of time on my hands I've decided the time is right to start exercising so Shred will be unwrapped tomorrow, the horrendous bra fitting visit is next on the list and I've promised myself a new pair of boots when I lose another stone. Something to aim for and keep me busy. I don't always get the chance to post or even feel like posting if I'm having a low day but always read and you all inspire me. Keep the chat coming, I love it!
Take care all
Jill x

lizzie157

well done jellybaby glad you had a lovely time

LL- glad your OH is happy with the new place, just sorry that cost has to come into causing a worry when you should be feeling relief at finding somewhere suitable.


Do you think your friends/family are put off by his demeanour - if so does he realise what's happening. A tricky one that.

oh yes he knows but this attitude stops people coming to the house and so has the desired effect. He finds fault with everyone and seems unable to overlook any small fault even if its compensated for by a good point. The kids rarely have friends round because he doesn't like any of their friends. I seem to have ended up with someone quite similar to my dad even though when we first got together he seemed much more sociable than my dad was. I am having afriend round this week though and he can lump it - she says she can ignore the attitude! :rotfl:

Re: relatives and friends -think my lightbulb moment came when I was ill when pregnant with one of the kids (so ill that for several months I was housebound) and hardly anyone bothered to come and see me. I then distanced myself but gradually over time began to see them again abit. Problem is that everyone seems to treat me in this way which means I either overlook it or don't see anyone and then i'm home alone with grumpy. And yes we have likened him to Victor meldrew.

Anyway thanks for replying it sometimes just helps to get it off my chest, tomorrows a new day and hopefully one day I'l be able to say nne of this stuff bothers me anymore because I'l value myself a bit more than I do at present.

g, night all -sweet dreams

maman

Jellybaby wrote: »

Hi all, just dropping in to give you all huge hugs for all the help and support I've received. I'm just back from holiday and we had a fantastic time and its all thanks to you lot! As you know I was widowed earlier this year and dreaded going away with my boys as it was the first holiday on my own in 27 years but with all the tips and support I read on here I was much more confident in my approach as I knew I looked a damn sight better than I did five months ago - my hair was done, my nails and feet were done, I treated myself to THREE bottles of perfume at duty free and I had a new wardrobe that fitted my two stone lighter bod and some items were fitted which is a new thing for me. Don't get me wrong it was harder than I thought and I could easily have come home the first few days but I've learnt lots of things about myself and one of them is I'm not a quitter.

As I've obviously got a bit of time on my hands I've decided the time is right to start exercising so Shred will be unwrapped tomorrow, the horrendous bra fitting visit is next on the list and I've promised myself a new pair of boots when I lose another stone. Something to aim for and keep me busy. I don't always get the chance to post or even feel like posting if I'm having a low day but always read and you all inspire me. Keep the chat coming, I love it!
Take care all
Jill x

Jellybaby (as was!) that's a fantastic post!! I'm so glad you enjoyed your holiday and THREE bottles of perfume:eek: You're doing so well and I think planning a reward (see my huge bead:o) is a great idea.

It's a bit late now to go into detail but Lizzie, I think your best way forward is to stick with us and boost your confidence in yourself. When you're feeling fabulous you won't give a ***** ( complete as appropriate) how those unkind. insensitive people behave. You'll feel so great, you'll be thinking whether you have the time/inclination to bother with them.

I did my walk and the OCM. I feel very clean but dry afterwards. Should I moisturise as usual?

Molly41

Jellybaby - well done you:T A very positive post x

Well Im sorely lacking at the moment and need to re-double my efforts. Last week was stressful so I neglected myself somewhat. However I have taken a long hard look and have decided that I need to get my hair done asap as the grey has taken over somewhat. Then I also need to book an appointment to get my eyes and eyebrows done.

Positive vibes to you all x