Frugal Frump to Fab/Winter Solstice

Bitsy_Beans

Maman - I am sure I read a long time ago on the OCM thread that you could re-apply a tiny bit of the mix to your skin if it felt tight after the steaming etc.

Tru - Morning. How are you feeling today?

Bratz - have a good time although I have no idea what LARP is

Mrs Wolfe - My mum thinks she's doing her motherly duty. she's not meaning to be tactless but she thinks I'd rather know if I look a mess so I don't make a fool of myself. To be fair she does comment when I look good as well but I am instantly transported back to being a teenager when she's telling me my hair doesn't look so good today LOL

tru

I'm feeling great today because I've got the house to myself until 5pm

I've never heard of LARP either, I just googled it and found THIS

Sounds ideal for me, it'd be great to get rid of my anger which is building nicely at the moment, lol.

Bitsy_Beans

tru wrote: »

I'm feeling great today because I've got the house to myself until 5pm

I've never heard of LARP either, I just googled it and found THIS

Sounds ideal for me, it'd be great to get rid of my anger which is building nicely at the moment, lol.

A few hours and you'll be in Derby although I am not convinced that foam weapons would be satisfying enough :rotfl:

lessonlearned

Just a quickie

Bratz - I'm in Derby - what a pity we didn't know - we could have met up.

Hope you have a fab time - and that the camp site isn't too primitive - I'm not into camping myself - too much of a wimp - caravans/chalets are better for me.

Hope the weather is kind - dull but warm at the moment.

Must dash - it's OH's nursing assessment at 10.30

Need some caffeine first.............

PS _ if the weather is dire and you need somewhere warm and dry to sleep - contact me - seriously. pm me your contact details.

Buffythedebtslayer

MrsWoolfe wrote: »

Hello All!


Good to see mum too, odd really as she did that thing where she makes remarks that are a bit hurtful- " You used to have such lovely skin" "that's a nice top...it's a shame you're not slimmer though" etc and for once instead of gritting my teeth and fuming inside I pulled her up on it- she honestly seemed to think that comments like that were not "mean" and was quite defensive, but I think that comments like that all my life have done a lot of damage- she think's I'm oversensitive- what I eventually realised it that to her it's only a passing comment-almost thoughtlessly said and that her "real" opinion of me is very different so she can't see how much that hurts- the problem is she doesn't say the positive things so all I hear is the negative- when challenged she responds with "well OF COURSE I'm proud of you/think you're doing well/think you are beautiful etc" but doesn't seem to realise that only ever saying the negative means that I don't always know that is what she thinks/feels....long winded but I think we understand each other a little better now:D

Of course, now I'm getting msgs like "morning my sweety, love you"--this is very unlike usual communication between us- and she's gone onto to FB to look at pictures and called up to tell me "that one of you at X is lovely" "your hair looks great here" etc so she is really trying:D:D

Sorry for the long-winded ness just has given me a lot to think about and indirectly relates to the FAB quest- I think in a way I became a "frump" as an act of rebellion almost- Mum has always looked after herself well, and looked great now at 58 still looks great at most people goggle in shock when they realise she has adult children...so my descent into frumpdom started I think with rebelling her attempts to make me dress nice/wear make-up - I always felt like I was being criticised so would do the opposite just to wind her up- big baggy jumpers...and then the goth phase she really hated that one!:o

so trying to be less argumentative and quick to take offense- e.g. instead of getting irritated when she gave me a "anti-tan fairness" face mask (she has a real thing about me/her getting dark in the sun) I just said thank-you and I used it last night- it's all herbal/natural ingredients- clay, turmeric etc so other than cleansing my skin and perhaps helping to even my skin tone (turmeric is meant to be good for this) i don't expect it will do much else-


sorry lot of waffle from me today:o mulling lots over... back on topic more more on topic at least, did the defuzz, deep conditioned hair and did a face mask last night. tonight will paint nails and chill out mainly:D

hope you are all having a good day!

MrsWoolfe

I just wanted to say my Mum does that too. Mostly we get on well but she will say things about my skin and "why don't you cut your hair short" " oh are you going to wear your hair down....?" are you going like that..... plus little comments about food.

My friend and I had a conversation about it yesterday funny enough, some Mums do have a habit of thinking they can say whatever they like because they love you and you know that so they aren't being mean. Trouble is as you are leaving to to work or out it sounds mean.

I do wonder how much it has made me feel useless and like I can't do anything - she is super protective and in some ways becasue she worries so much it does stop me doing things or it did. I am better now!

I really need to paint my toe nails. random but true.

lessonlearned

MrsWoolfe wrote: »

Hello All!




Good to see mum too, odd really as she did that thing where she makes remarks that are a bit hurtful "

Of course, now I'm getting msgs like "morning my sweety, love you"--this is very unlike usual communication between us- and she's gone onto to FB to look at pictures and called up to tell me "that one of you at X is lovely" "your hair looks great here" etc so she is really trying:D:D

so trying to be less argumentative and quick to take offense-

MrsWoolfe

Well Mrs W - it seems you've struck quite a chord with quite a few of us on here. It seems sometimes Mums should remember "Mum's the Word" in other words - say nothing.

Glad you managed to tackle her head on and that you managed to do it nicely, calmly and gently. Always the best way - far better than bottling it up and letting it all boil over when you finally lose your temper (I'm my own worst enemy for doing that sometimes).

Anyway she seems to have taken it on board and I agree with you - seeing as she is trying so hard - it behoves you to do your bit and try not to take offence when she slips up and crosses the line - which I'm sure she will do occasionally.

My mother is an :A and is always sweetness and light and extremely supportive and complimentary about me. My Aunty S was the same.

They both held fast and true to those oh so valuable maxims.

If you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all
Always try to see something good in someone

They are (were in Aunt S's) case well loved people, who had loads of friends. I can truthfully say that I have never heard them utter anything nasty, snide or spiteful about anyone. Not once, they would always be unfailingly polite, charming and courteous.

However I could always tell if they didn't really like someone - a certain glint in the eye, a slight pursing of the lips or a slight froiduer
would give them away.

My mother in law on the other hand.......................

Well I won't say too much - she's dead now and can't defend herself.:rotfl:

I put up with her nonsense for 17 years - she pushed and pushed until one day - when she was nagging my poor husband about not fixing the fence - which incidentally wasn't our fence but our neighbours - something snapped and I completely lost it. I let her have it with both barrels.

I was so angry I stormed out of the room before she could retaliate. I heard her moan to OH about the way I had spoken to her and wasn't he going to do something.

"Yes" he said calmly, "I will thank her for being such a good supportive wife who sticks up for me when all you can do is come here, sit at our table and eat lunch that we have provided and then nag at me for something that has nothing to do with me - on my birthday

She never moaned, complained, nagged, or tried to "give advice" again - what a pity I let it drag on so long.

Her excuse? I didn't think. As Maman says - maybe they should stop and think before they open their mouths.

There's no excuse for hurtful remarks, spiteful snide comments, put downs, so called "advice". It's thoughtless, tactless and unnecessary and I, for one, will no longer tolerate it. So there.!!!

lessonlearned

What has all that to do with our Frump to Fab.

Well I think a heck of a lot actually.

As Mrs W has shown - one of the products of our journey is to start thinking about how people perceive us, and more importantly how we perceive ourselves and how others treat us. Or to be more accurate how we let other people treat us.

My Aunty S (I'm sorry I know I refer to her a lot - but she was such a guiding light in my life) used to tell me that people will respond to you and the way they treat you is based on the signals we send out.

Her favourite was - "If you want to be treated like a lady then you must dress and act like one". She also used to say that if you let people walk all over you - then they will.

A little navel gazing, a little introspection is no bad thing. It's all about one of the "ologies" we discussed. Psychology.

A little delving into our psyches - what makes us tick, how our upbringing has shaped us, how all those knocks and setbacks have affected us, how all those sharp comments have hurt us and destroyed our confidence, how all that negativity has sapped our joy and happiness.

They all can be overcome - you can fight your demons - all it takes is a little self -knowledge, honesty and a bit of courage.

So Mrs W - thank you for such a thoughtful, incisive post - another step forward on our journey to Fabdom.

lessonlearned

Anyway - a quick update.

OH's nursing assessment was postponed, one of the necessary team players couldn't attend. However, last night I spent a lot of time "swotting".

I was able to have quite an informative "unofficial" mini meeting and discussion with his care manager and a representative from our PCT about his needs, his changing circumstances - a kind of where do we go from here and what happens next - kind of thing.

The result was that they both agreed that at some point he would need considerably more care than I could be able to provide (well we already knew that) and that subject to a "Continuing Care Assessment" which would in due course clearly demonstrate that OH's needs are indeed complex and ongoing, then it was more than likely that he would then come under the auspices of the PCT rather than SS.

This being the case - then the PCT would pick up the tab for all his nursing and personal care. In other words I don't need to worry my pretty little head about finding the money for him to get good care.

What a relief.

I want to keep him here as long as possible and they have promised, in effect, that they will help us to achieve this. He is apparently already on the maximum that SS can provide, however, if (when) his condition deteriorates again they will reassess the situation and increase our care package accordingly.

SS have confirmed that they cannot provide 24 hour help/care so it is fairly obvious that residential care is the only option.

Complicated isn't it.

Anyway - I've painted his room for when he comes back. All done and dusted now - just need to clean up and blitz my tip of a house and then get started on the skip.

It is too small, poor DS2 will have to try and break up some of the items to get them in.

Fabwise - not doing too badly, plenty of slathering and vaselining going on. Foodwise not too good I'm afraid - been a bit "munchy" in the evenings.

I'm counting the painting and extreme housework as my exercise.:D

Anyway time for some lunch and then roll up my sleeves and get cleaning.

Laters ...................

MrsWoolfe

Hello ladies!

well it seems I have struck a bit of a chord with my ramble about me and Mum!

I do have to say in her defense- she IS always there for me and will have moments when she really does surprise me with something lovely and thoughtful- on a good day I honestly think we simply "hear" things differently and we are very different people.

Sometimes she's competitive (pointing out that she's wearing a smaller size than me " oh I bought this but it's HUGE on me- you might squeeze into it!") sometimes she seems to want to dress me up like a doll ( we have an on-going battle over what I am wearing to a wedding we are going to in Sept) and other times wants us to do things exactly the same- i stopped putting red streaks in my hair (which I had done for years) when she decided to do the same - the exact same shade:mad:.

but through all of that she loves me and we all have our little quirks I suppose!:D

I know it won't be Mum's for everyone who have added to the way that you see yourself/feel but it's a valid point- I know I've had friends who don't dare change something no matter much it bothers them because "what would people say" or because they think they'd make a fool of themselves etc...

the way I see it, whilst it's fantastic to get compliments/encouragement from others, the negative side is that sometimes we are too dependent on other people's opinions, when at the end of the day it how YOU feel and what YOU think that is important.

easier said than done though I know- I know I still have a lot of confidence issues and often don't think a lot of the way I look- though funily enough not so much lately- my DH is great at making me feel better though- he tells me everyday that I'm beautiful and if I get really down on myself he says " and my dear, have you forgotton the Calvin Klein model who begged you to run off with him a week before we were married? so how on earth can you be fat/frumpy/ugly??" he says it as a joke ( no it did happen, luckily DH was secure enough to find it amusing;)) cause he knows it'll make me smile.

Hmm I'm rambling again- I guess my point was that it's helpful to recognise that when people say things/react to you in a way that dents your confidence there are usually other things behind it- it's often got little to do with how you look- more often more about their own issues/quirks.

Also helpful to think about what makes you the way you are/were we are not born frumps surely?:D once you recognise things like that, so much easier to make the changes- I've said before that for me a lot of the change has come with me beleiving that I am worth looking after, and making that a priority for me- instead of last on the list.

It has genuinely led to me feeling a lot better overall, in my own skin if that makes sense? I know that we focus a lot on the skincare/haircare stuff but for me it is about making changes inside too...I guess that for me being "Fab" means feeling together and sorted too - looking drop dead gorgeous with it of course- I've been doing well getting the skin/hair/etc looking bette, I dress with more care and know I look better- so my confidence has improved but I think I'm now getting to the stage where I need to tackle some deeper issues too if I want The Full Package....

Sorry if that was all a bit rambly and long winded, I'm finding it really helps to get my thoughts out on here- makes them clearer somehow I think:D

but I'll stop with the navel gazing for now:o

on a less deep and meaningful note-
* I have a new nail varnish on- Black Cherry and looks lovely on, *started trying to follow the FlyLady thread yesterday- so got my outfit ready last night - grey shift dress with burnt orange cardi and brightly coloured beads.
* Got my feet measured properly- dont know about others but as the weight is coming off ( so damn slowly) I'm finding shoes fit differently- and it's a pain- so armed with a more accurate measure I went on to the shoe tailor site and found a few nice shoes in the sales in the the right width and lenght- they even do varied calf measurements- I'm going to have a real sort through shoes I have bought that don't fit properly etc and then buy nice shoes that are comfortable AND pretty:D.
* I FINALLY have a bathroom cabinet yay!!!!:jno more crouching over a little mirror to do my make up- sounds silly but really makes a difference.

right, if you are still awake you deserve a gold star! sorry for the length but thanks for "listening":D

hope you are all having a good day!

MrsWoolfe

lessonlearned

Just a quickie - I'm really interested in the shoe tailor thingy. If I ever get rich I will go down to the posh shops in London and have my very own shoe last made and have real made to measure shoes.

In the meantime I would be very keen to have a go at the shoe tailor - I've looked at the catalogue a couple of times.

Please let us know how you get on and what you think of their shoes.

As a matter of interest - where did you get your feet measured.

I think shoes can be a bit like bras - we all think we know what size we are and we often get it wrong.

Losing weight can definitely affect your shoe size (and ring sizes too).

Must go and eat - my stomach thinks my throat has been slit:rotfl: