How would you react?

[Deleted User]

Please can you imagine this scenario and tell me how you would feel.

Its mid morning and you, partner and kids are home, a friend is also visiting with her children. The postman delivers the mail whilst you are in the kitchen and your partner in the dining area. Your friend picks up the post, brings it to the table and notices one is immunisation jabs for your child. It is addresed to the parents/guardian of "child". In front of your partner they then proceed to open it, inform your partner of the date and then go to the kitchen where you are and write it on the calendar. Because you've been in the kitchen you are unsure at the time if you husband gave permission for this to happen so you say nothing.

Later in the day you realise your partner was also surprised this happened, but said they didn't want to upset the friend by saying anything.

Both of you feel it was inappropriate and surprising behaviour by the friend but also acknowledge that they were probably trying to be helpful.

Would you let it drop and risk something similar happening again or say something a few days past and risk upsetting the friend?

Thank you for your thoughts.

onlyroz

Sounds very strange. I wouldn't dream of opening somebody else's mail unless I'd been given express permission to do so. I would have said, at the time, something along the lines of "erm, what are you doing?"

chewynut

Isn't it illegal to open somebody's post?

You could try raising this in a very gentle manner with your friend. I'd sort of mention if offhand without making a huge deal over it. After all, your friend probably thought they were just helping. Is she very close to your family?

Idiophreak

Deleted_User wrote: »

Would you let it drop and risk something similar happening again or say something a few days past and risk upsetting the friend?

"OMG! THIS TIME THEY'VE WRITTEN A DENTAL APPOINTMENT ON THERE!!"

I think I'd cope with the risk. It's a little weird, sure, but not exactly a disaster...

SailorSam

Definitely ask her what she thought she was doing.
Say you thought it was odd when she came in the kitchen to write on the calender but just presumed your Oh had opened the letter.
What's done is done but tell her not to do anything like that again.

Bloomin_Freezing2

How odd! Is she a particularly close friend? Don't know if i'd mention it to her or not. If she does something else in the near future which you are uncomfortable with then I'd definately say something.

I once had a friend come round unannounced, who just opened the door and walk in! Teach me for not locking it! We could've been doing anything!!

Darlyd

I know it's wrong to open someone else's mail. But depends on how close you are? I am very close to my friend when we spend time together at each other's homes, we really do make ourself at home. I have opened a letter what I thought was a debt letter as she just throws them away, And I have sorted her debts for her. But other than that she not opened my mail, I don't think. Wouldn't bother me anyway as long as she told me. But that's just me.

Bit cheeky mind, You could always mention it in a passing laughable type of way, and not make a big deal of it.

[Deleted User]

Its tricky isn't it, you don't want to make a big deal out of it but at the same time don't feel happy about what happened.

If i'd known at the time my DH hadnt asked her to act, then i would have said in the kitchen "Next time please leave my post as i prefer to deal with it" and it would have been dealt with, over and moved on. But now i feel if i say anything, i know it will upset her as she takes things quite personally. Yet i don't like being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home.

Also i would never dream of opening someone else's mail, however obvious the contents. I may have said something like "Oh here you are it looks like "***" has some jabs coming up" and put the letter on the table.

Idiophreak, its not the contents, its the principle, that both me and husband were in the house when the post came, so there would be no reason to open our letters.

[Deleted User]

Yes she is a close friend and we do make ourselves at home by making drinks, helping each other with housework, kids etc, but for me i think opening my post is a bit too far. I wouldn't dream of going around my parents house and opening their mail, unless they specifically ask me to when they are away and expecting something.

I just wanted to hear opinions, so thanks for replying. I think i'll leave it for now but be ready with a friendly but specific response next time.

Thanks.

sashadesade

Opening someone else's mail without being asked is a strange thing to do, but since it sounds like she was only trying to be helpful I'd probably not say anything about it this time. If she did the same with letters from the bank and what not I'd have to have a word!

Hermia

My response would have been, "Excuse me! What do you think you're doing opening our post???!!!!".

I'm not sure you can say something now after the incident, but if she does something similar again I would just look shocked and say something. Hopefully she will realise it's odd behaviour.