Trying to Keep Marriage going...

The_Rizler

Hi Miss Op
I can understand the not wanting to work with Joe Public again as they are horrible. He would have seen the worst as well; however, he needs to get real and find something to help, laying down your finances and the outline that you've presented will help him to get the message but only if you present it to him and keep doing it.
You're doing too much and something will give; please don't let it be you.

Stay strong as the alternative isn't great.

MissOptimistic

Emmzi wrote: »

well, it isn't klike he is one of the blokes who stays at home drinking/ smoking dope and doing nothing, so I don't think he is all bad!

He might be a bit depressed but too proud to seek help

and he might benefit from some career guidance - he sounds like he has been trying a few things but hasn't found something with enough purpose for him to feel satisifed with it.

What's the chances of somehow finding a couple of hundred for him to see a career guidance professional (NOT someone from the job centre but someone who deals with professionals!) - and do the police offer any kind of "aftercare" for former employees he could use?

Thank you for your words - I think Depression may be possible, but he would never admit to this or seek help - he would see it as weakness.
Regarding all the other comments that say I should get rid - I don't think that would make me happier - I do love him and don't want anyone else and being on my own would still mean I have to do everything myself and it would cost a lot of money that we don't have i.e, separateing would incur costs. The children would also be unhappy. I believe strongly in marriage and whilst I am not religious I also believe in my marriage vows (strange as my 2nd marriage was not 'infront of God' it was a registry office) - For background info, my first marriage ended when my first OH became an alcoholic due to work pressures, It took me 2 years of going to hell and back with 2 small babies before I could let go of the marriage as I felt so guilty that I could not live up to the 'for better of worse'

MissOptimistic

The_Rizler wrote: »

Hi Miss Op
I can understand the not wanting to work with Joe Public again as they are horrible. He would have seen the worst as well; however, he needs to get real and find something to help, laying down your finances and the outline that you've presented will help him to get the message but only if you present it to him and keep doing it.
You're doing too much and something will give; please don't let it be you.

Stay strong as the alternative isn't great.

Thank you for caring

louise3965

Why dont you have any friends, you sound nice!

make_me_wise

MissOptimistic wrote: »

OH is very capable of work, but doesn't want to do anything that he won't enjoy - he also doesn't want to deal with the public, work with his hands or earn less than £100 a day.

:shocked::shocked::shocked:

He lives in cloud cuckoo land. We all feel like that. Most of us have more self respect though than to let our partners struggle on their own to financially support the family, when being capable of finding work.

I'm not surprised you are fed up with this OP. Let me get this right; you are the breadwinner, you do all the housework, shopping, washing, ironing etc etc. Him loading a dishwasher or washing machine doesn't really count as doing alot does it. What exactly do you need him for?

Sounds like a weight round your neck rather than the partner and rock in your life that he should be.

property.advert

He is a disgrace as a man, a partner and as a role model to his child.

Without a child I'd advise you to just chuck him out. Even now, you must let him know that his card is marked and either he shapes up or ships out !

MissOptimistic

louise3965 wrote: »

Why dont you have any friends, you sound nice!

Thank you although I am not sure of the answer. I have lots and lots of people I am friendly with, i,e, work colleagues, close neighbours who have become friends, but I can honestly say that I have NEVER had anyone I could count as a best friend, my best friends have always been my partners. People at school said I was 'stuck up' (probably because I knuckled down and wasn't one of those who wagged school or smoked behind the bike sheds) and OH has said I can come across as aloof (I think this is more shyness though - I don't tend to give to much away unless I know someone really well - MSE friendships aside!)

Thank you for that though - It has cheered me up - I am a nice person

MissOptimistic

property.advert wrote: »

He is a disgrace as a man, a partner and as a role model to his child.

Without a child I'd advise you to just chuck him out. Even now, you must let him know that his card is marked and either he shapes up or ships out !

Whenever I tell him I am unhappy his answer is 'you know where the door is'

make_me_wise

MissOptimistic wrote: »

Whenever I tell him I am unhappy his answer is 'you know where the door is'

:eek:

He is the one that needs to go through a door. Preferably an aircrafts at 30000 feet. Or a revolving one after a huge spin. You deserve to be treated far better than that OP.

MissOptimistic

Thank you, that made me laugh - but TBH that has been the story of our relationship - I described him as headstong and from within a few weeks of knowing him I knew what I was dealing with - he hasn't made any apologies and has always said - if you're not happy - leave.
The trouble is, I am a very sensitive person, and as I stressed before, I take my marriage vows very seriously - what if this is just the 'for worse' - I would be wrong to walk away.
I don't want to be a doormat as sometimes with marriage one needs to carry the burden more than the other one, but I just find it hard to deal with and wonder when it will end and the good time will return?