Trying to Keep Marriage going...

Sambucus_Nigra

Jeez.

How would he survive if you left? Would he find it in himself to get a job breaking all his self-imposed ground rules? I'm thinking that yes, he probably would.

shy-but-need-help

I was wondering why he isn't running the internet business if you're out at work FT and he's at home. I also think he should be taking on the lionshare of the housework & cooking if he's full time at home as well.

BitterAndTwisted

If he's not willing to look for work I would ask him to make other arrangements. He's an albatross around your neck and he's not even earning his keep by doing a decent job of being a house-husband. It's time to put you foot down NOW before it's too late!

duchy

Maybe you should stop enabling him ?
He only does so little because you let him.
Has he ever said WHY he doesn't help with the internet business ie packing the goods-trips to the PO etc and why on earth would you be expected to clean-he's there all day !

On the face of it-he's not only taking you for a right mug but also teaching your kids some very odd lessons about respect and relationships-not to mention work ethic. However that's on the face of it and I suspect there is more to this that you've told us.

CH27

To me he sounds arrogant. He only wants to work for over £100 per day! Well wouldn't we all?

I think he needs a blOody pin stuck in his inflated ego & realise he has to contribute to the family finances.

MissOptimistic

Kittendreich wrote: »

If he wants to be a househusband then that's fine (as long as you are happy with that)

Therein lies the problem - I'm not really happy with that - I am quite traditional and think the man of the house should work.

In his defence - he does not drink, smoke or 'go out with the lads' - he has also loved my two children just as if they were his own flesh and blood from the very off - for all this I am very lucky.

I have tried to speak to him about the problems but he is very headstrong and says I 'may as well cut his ba**s off'

He doesn't do much with the internet business because it doesn't interest him, but in fairness there isn't much to do - just a bit of faxing, wrapping and arranging courier collections - he does take stuff to the PO for me. - We don't earn much from this, it covers the overdraft interest on the business account for which we are personally liable if the business folded, which is why we keep it up.

THe main problem is that he does nothing but moan about being at home, how boring it is and that he would 'love' to be in my position able to go to work and socialise, whilst I would give my eye teeth to do a swap with him!

I can't talk to my family about this and I don't have any friends - I think I am scared that they will tell me I am a mug, which I suspect I am - I alsmost want someone on here to stick up for him, so it proves I am not a mug

Gigglepig

have you told him you want to stay at home?

perhaps ask what he thinks about working towards a "swap" in x months time, for example plan that he starts properly looking for work asap and that the plan is for you to hand in your notice say in 6 months? Can both of you work p/t and also take care of the home? If one works and the other does the home, discuss which duties the person who stays home must take care of.

I'd say it is entirely up to him what sort of job he takes if he is the one to work outside the home, but if you do a household budget together you can agree on a minimum amount that you will need to bring in to cover your costs?

Emmzi

well, it isn't klike he is one of the blokes who stays at home drinking/ smoking dope and doing nothing, so I don't think he is all bad!

He might be a bit depressed but too proud to seek help

and he might benefit from some career guidance - he sounds like he has been trying a few things but hasn't found something with enough purpose for him to feel satisifed with it.

What's the chances of somehow finding a couple of hundred for him to see a career guidance professional (NOT someone from the job centre but someone who deals with professionals!) - and do the police offer any kind of "aftercare" for former employees he could use?

RedBern

MissOptimistic wrote: »

THe main problem is that he does nothing but moan about being at home, how boring it is and that he would 'love' to be in my position able to go to work and socialise, whilst I would give my eye teeth to do a swap with him!

I can't talk to my family about this and I don't have any friends - I think I am scared that they will tell me I am a mug, which I suspect I am - I alsmost want someone on here to stick up for him, so it proves I am not a mug

I think you need to have a strong word here - you re not the one disempowering him. He's a grown man making choices, his choice is to sit at home. There are lots of jobs for grown ups out there, but no ones going to knock on the door offering him one.

But in an effort to stick up for him, he needs to think clearly what he wants for the future. He isn't happy at home all day, so change that. If you can't change something, change your attitude. He needs to have a good long think about whether he is being fair on you and the kids, and grow up.
Good luck.

diable

Kick him out of the bedroom and on to the sofa, he'll buck up his ideas in a few weeks weeks time.

Most of us on here don't want to work or would rather do something "that I enjoy" but real life is tough and most of us work to survive.