Grief

cloverfan

Sorry for my rambling post that probably hasnt helped you at all:o

I hope your doctors appointment goes well. xx

Crisp_£_note

You are right I do feel I let him down but know hes there for me in spirit as are others.

The flowers on his grave though, I think she just happend to do this to fit in as her sister and perhaps my cousin would have gone along to the same cemetry and put flowers on other male graves. Mum hardly ever visits the cemetry doesnt like doing it so I dont think she would make a special effort normaly unless others were going and she needed to fit in. Dont get me wrong though I do appreciate it very much and yes it is a good point to highlight she may have been thinking of me but as a second thought due to others actions.

I suppose you are right and I may be afraid to let go emotionaly, I would / will fall apart. Not just lose control and look silly but more though that I am afraid what Mum and Brother may think of me (not so much brother as I know he would understand more compassionately as hes struggling to help mum when he wants to as well). Its like saying because mum wont see a councellor then I cant as I know she would judge me as weak and an idiot. Yet I so desparately want to let go I will not let her stop me or control me here. My majour issue and torment is getting mum help. I desparately hope that if she accepts I can see a councelor then she will see its not shameful and give it a go as well.

Fingers crossed all goes well at dr this week.

Thank you all