Child's father wants back in her life

AimeesMum_2

Hi all,

Asking for a friend who is extremely nervous and worried.

She got pregnant young to an abusive partner but she managed to get out before the baby was born. He has nevr tried to make contact with the child and isn't on the birth certificate. My friend has never heard from him in 7 years but has heard from mutual people that they know that he has been inside a fair bit and has been using hereoin over the years.

7 years later my friend has been in a relationship with another man for the past 6 years and they have a 1 year old daughter together. Both children have the Dads surname and are very much a family unit. Today a letter from Social Services has turned up on the door for a meeting to discuss the ex starting up contact with his daughter.

She is distraught. What rights does he have? Can she stop him?

RacyRed

What a nightmare!

If he has never met the child or had any contact with her, then I'd be suprised if it goes any further if she tells SS that she does not want her ex to have any contact with his daughter until she is old enough (18?) to decide for herself.

Would her partner consider formally adopting the child? That should put paid to any claims the natural father may think he has.

Mojisola

The natural father would have to agree to the OP's friend's husband adopting his daughter.

I don't think she can refuse contact but could insist on it being supervised because of his history.

Bloomin_Freezing2

IF contact was ever granted (although she can fight for it to not happen) it would be a very slow process. A family member was approached by her ex (junkie) husband for contact with their child. He last saw the boy when he was 2 and had been diagnosed with cancer. He has had no contact with the child for over 3 years now. Mediation began ( the boys mother will not give contact in a million years unless forced by the courts), the ex was instructed to send postcards weekly for 6 months then they'd have another mediation. He sent about 4 then decided it 'wasn't worth it'. Back at mediation was told to start postcards again. Sent 2 this time. Anyway after postcards, had he done it correctly it would've been phone calls and after that supervised contact. Not a quick process!

He has not had contact and never will, he will never work and doesn't qualify for legal aid as he has no chance of 'winning' - told thid by his solicitor.

She will not be forced to see her father.

AimeesMum_2

RacyRed this is actually a question that she has asked me to ask. It was always going to be something that they were going to do but this has put some speed into it. Where would their first point of contact be to getting this started?

If the father isn't named on the BC then do they need permission? x

diable

AimeesMum wrote: »

Hi all,

Asking for a friend who is extremely nervous and worried.

She got pregnant young to an abusive partner but she managed to get out before the baby was born. He has nevr tried to make contact with the child and isn't on the birth certificate. My friend has never heard from him in 7 years but has heard from mutual people that they know that he has been inside a fair bit and has been using hereoin over the years.

7 years later my friend has been in a relationship with another man for the past 6 years and they have a 1 year old daughter together. Both children have the Dads surname and are very much a family unit. Today a letter from Social Services has turned up on the door for a meeting to discuss the ex starting up contact with his daughter.

She is distraught. What rights does he have? Can she stop him?

Tell the Social that if he backdates 7 years of child maintenance payments then she "may" consider it.

Mojisola

diable wrote: »

Tell the Social that if he backdates 7 years of child maintenance payments then she "may" consider it.

Contact and maintenance are kept completely separate. Suggesting this will make her look bad int the eyes of the social workers. In these situations, you have to keep to the moral high ground so you don't give the other side any ammunition against you.

If it follows the pattern that Bloomin Freezing2 describes, the whole thing can be dragged out until the child is old enough to decide for herself.

It may not be likely but the father could have cleaned up his life and genuinely wants to build a relationship with his daughter.

RacyRed

AimeesMum wrote: »

RacyRed this is actually a question that she has asked me to ask. It was always going to be something that they were going to do but this has put some speed into it. Where would their first point of contact be to getting this started?

If the father isn't named on the BC then do they need permission? x

I don't know the answer to that, but guide to adopting a stepchild might help?

G51shopaholic

Does the wee girl know that the person she calls daddy isn't her real dad? I cannot understand why anyone at the Social Services would force a child to see somebody she doesn't even know exsists!
I would challenge it on the grounds that it is NOT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD!

Also if he is not named on the birth certificate, he would have to prove that he is her dad and would need the mothers permission to do DNA.

Given what you say I'd tell them to get lost!

Bloomin_Freezing2

Bo_Nidle wrote: »

He has the right to see her, hence the SS letter. He may now be obliged to pay maintainance if he has a job. He will probably be entitled to have her every other weekend and if he doesn't have suitable accomadation then the council can offer him a suitable house/flat to move into so that those visits can go ahead in a place that is considered safe and appropriate.

So you think this 7 year old little girl, will be sent to stay at her junkie fathers house every other weekend just like that?? She does not know the man! A relationship would have to be built up very slowly.

If I was the girls mother I would say no contact what so ever until I was convinced he was a changed man.

Mupette

How about your friend ask's her child what she wants, ofc if she does want to see her daddy ask ss for supervised access only.