Private Schools

peachyprice

I really do undetstand how your son feels in a class of disruptive children. I have a dyspraxic/dyslexic but pretty bright son, he's in sets 1 and 2 for everything but English. It's the only subject he can't use a laptop for and his handwriting is appalling so he's stuck down in set 4 with the children who really couldn't give a damn. Consequently he hates English.

If I were you I would be inclined to first try the tutor route to see if you can raise his grades and interest enough to get him into higher sets, at the very least in the subjects he actually likes, he'll then be able to get away from the disruptive children for most of the school day. The tutors would at least be able to tell if if he does have unleashed potential of whether you're expecting too much of him.

If this hasn't worked by the time he's going into year 10, then perhaps reconsider the private school. If you're only going to be able to afford two years, it's best to at least make those two years the GCSE ones.

blue_monkey_2

I just wanted to add that, say in 2 years you cannot afford it, he will be back at the local comp, the new boy from 'private school' whose parents could not afford it anymore. He WILL get bullied and all of that built confidence will be gone again.

I too would consider a tutor.

Also, I left school with no qualifications and I went back to college for even classes later on WHEN I wanted to better myself, when the time was right. I got Maths and got a qualification in Accounting and I now run my own business around my 2 children. I am now considering taking a qualification on physcology. It is never too late to learn and it is often better to learn when your head is in the right place.

I have always had a job and I've never been out of work, I even went into chemical engineering and Accountancy with NO qualifications. Maybe I just got lucky but I proved my worth and started at the bottom worked my way up.

I say that while you are right to worry, please do not put those worries onto your son. I would certainly question the level he is at with the school and the class he is in and ask if he can go up to the next level in Y8 if you get him extra tutoring. Focus on his weak points rather than getting him a tutor that will teach him everything as he might well get bored in his favourite subjects at school and the tutoring would have been pointless and he'll get put down a set (do they still call them this, LOL) for not pulling his weight. Maybe a language too and take him to that country for a holiday to increase his confidence.

My friends daughter does not have the greatest brain either and got very little in the way of GCSE's but she went to college and got a job in a sports centre and she is about to start a sports science degree at University in September.

We cannot all have wonderful brains and be good at Maths, there are thousands of jobs out there that do not require maths so do not worry about the one subject. Your son will be brilliant at whatever he chooses to do as he has your love and support - and this is worth more than anything else. Good luck.

milliebear00001

I would say you need to be sure that you can afford to send him until he finishes school first and foremost.

I am a teacher who is not largely impressed by academically selective private education, BUT...I would say that for children like your son, the two big benefits of going private are the probable better behaviour from other children, and smaller class sizes. I would be asking about these things, and ask to see some classes in action so you get a 'feel' for how they operate.

You have already stated you are not interested in selective schools, and I think that's wise.

Amanda65

All three of our children have had a private secondary education (local state comp was a failing school only getting 27% A-C grades when eldest DD should have gone). We are now coming to the end of a very long and expensive tunnel (youngest, DS, is in Year 10 and middle just taking A-levels). We have had to make financial sacrifices and at times I have wondered if we should have done it but do I regret it - not at all.

DD's are both bright, but not top of the class bright, but have been educated in small tutor groups where their talents have been allowed to be nurtured and with like-minded students who, although not goody two shoes types, have not been disruptive in class or hindered their education in any way. DS is the brightest of the 3 (DD's acknowledge this as well ) and is again in a non-disruptive environment where he is pushed to achieve his best.

The two words of warning I would give though are firstly to think long and hard about the money. From DS starting in Year 7 to her ending after A-levels, the fees went up from £2400 per term to £3300 :eek::eek: (in stages obviously but we hadn't factored in quite such an increse). Also you pay for public exams so GCSE's can end up adding £300 plus to the summer term fees in Year 11. Secondly please don't think just because you are paying you are getting better teachers - on more than one occassion I have had cause to complain as the teaching standard was not to the level that I (and other parents) felt it should be. Don't be afraid to ask questions and query.

Finally I would say that you need to speak with your son and see if he wants to move - if you send him somewhere he doesn't want to go he could end up very unhappy and not work there as well. The old saying about taking a horse to water could come into play. Good luck though with whatever you decide. I often think how fantastic it would be if the Bounty pack you got with your children in the maternty unit came with a large helping of hindsight so we could only ever make the right decisions

princeofpounds

I'd like to think I have something to offer this discussion as I have been educated in a state school(which in fact ended up in special measures) and private school (selective and non-selective) at both primary and secondary level, and it wasn't ALL that long ago (O levels sound like history to me).

First thing to mention is that there isn't a 'right' answer. Some children do better in different environments to others.

Second thing to mention is to forget political guilt. There is nothing wrong with private education. All you are doing is handing over money in return for educational services - if that is wrong then so is hiring a tutor. Or a sports coach. Or buying an encyclopedia.

You might have very valid concerns about the divide in society between rich and poor but the answer is not to restrain your child to the lowest common denominator to address those concerns any more than restricting him to eating on a benefits budget will help the nutrition of society. You are still contributing to the public education system via your taxes and if that's your main concern then campaign, donate or vote on it. Or work within it.

That aside I can tell you this - disruptive peers are one of the most corrosive things to an education. I can understand why you think that removing him from that situation might be a good idea. There is the issue of direct disruption but also of the influence on attitudes. For example, him not being able to 'see the point' of maths might well be down to a lack of progress or the positive reinforcement of achievement. Or it might not - you know him better than I.

So I really think the question is actually a very practical one. What solution would fit him best and can you afford it? I agree that changing schools and have him changing back out again would be somewhat disruptive. There might also be a bit of a gap in attainment if he only goes private for GCSEs, but this can be somewhat closed.

However, changing schools is not THAT disruptive. I have been educated at 5 schools in 6 different stretches and children are by and large very adaptable. If the parents do not stress about it then the child rarely thinks it is something to worry over either. It's a little bit harder after children reach teens but not that much, and often the exposure to different environments blows open the blinkers most people have when growing up in the 1 location, 1 social group mode. And trust me as someone who moved a lot, most people are blinkered and it's a major reason that communities get stuck in a rut - they look for local role models of success even if that's the drug dealer.

1 change is unlikely to be a problem but then reversing it is not likely to be ideal.

As for selecting a private school realise that they are very individual. Some will be academic hothouses. That might not be appropriate for him. But others are much more about producing a rounded individual, whether that is sport, creativity, or something else. Understanding that should help frame any choices.

Then there is the choice to retain a tutor. I have also had tutors and they can be great, especially if the problems are more subject-oriented (understanding or enthusiasm) than environment-oriented. They are also more flexible. I think this is a real alternative, just make sure you get someone who is enthusiastic and able to communicate with your son.

Finally, on the subject of university - funding it is hard and it is going to get harder. But unlike an earlier poster I think that the earlier you are in education the more important it is, as you are so much more reliant on external tuition than teaching yourself. Being able to fund a top-half of table university is no good if you can't get in there in the first place, and university will become increasingly one of those things where there is little point doing it unless you are going on a decent course or to a decent institution. Plus if you don't go any secondary skills you have will stay with you.

My basic message is that you shouldn't hold off investment too long as education is a cumulative enterprise - each progression is built on the stage beforehand.

jcr16

i'd say if you can afford it , then go for it.

My hubby was at private school from i think the age of 6. he has a brillent education. i however was home taught ( hubby and i are so opposite on the education front) , but i know if i could afford it my children would be in the private school, if i knew it was gonna give them the best education.

Lunar_Eclipse

VJsmum wrote: »

It is more that he needs a nurturing environment that this school is just not able to give. As i said he isn't a silk purse but i feel that he could do better in a different environment. The schools we are looking at are not selective and in any case he is above average in some things (English) and exceptional at sport but below average in others.

I feel that he won't get the best opportunities at this school, and the ideal is that we will try to put him through 4 years up to his GCSEs but are being extra cautious given the precarious state of the job market.

I just want to be able to unlock that love of learning he has in some areas and spread it to other aspects. open the blinkers a bit.

I would consider moving him. The bit I have highlighted is where great, outstanding, inspiring schools (state or private) enter their own in my opinion.

However, you need to choose your school carefully. I would be looking for a nurturing environment which instills a love of learning (& thus achievement to the best of their ability) in all its pupils. Unfortunately I don't think this is always the case in many lower ability sets in state schools, where the presence of disruptive children can adversely affect the learning environment. Obviously, you can get disruptive children in private schools, however a key difference is usually how the school deals with such situations, which generally favour those children who are there to learn and participate fully in school life. I would also choose a school that is excellent at sport, based on what you have said about your son.

I'd also do it before he loses his love of learning, but absolutely not only for the next two years. If you move him, I really do think you need to move heaven and earth to keep him there until the end of Y11. Absolutely consider using his university fund if you fear he might not get there otherwise.

Acc72

VJsmum wrote: »

I feel that he won't get the best opportunities at this school

I don't understand why you say this?

You answer your own question in your opening post - your "more academic" daughter is doing "very well" at the same school, so I am not sure that you are looking in the right place.

It is often that when at a certain age, boys are less interested in school work than girls?

He also (despite what you may hope) may not be very academic - you mention the current job market, which is a little early for an 11 year old to consider.

You mention that it may be a lack of confidence - how will his confidence be affected if he goes to a private school for 2 years and then has to return to his old school?

Also whilst he is at the private school and all the other kids are going on skiing trips etc. ?

My advice would be if you want to help him academically then use a tutor, and to encourage him to participate in sports / social clubs etc. to improve his confidence.

VJsmum

WOW - lots of differing opinions and food for thought - thanks all.

Well, i am taking him along to meet a private tutor tonight - much to his disgust ("it's like admitting i'm thick" - not a phrase we have ever said about him or to him) but i've said we are going to try it for a few weeks.

In the meantime we have contacted our 2 "local" non selective schools to arrange appointments to check them out (without him in the first instance). One in particular i don't think he'll take to anyway so he may never know we were even thinking about it. The other is further away and might be more selective. At least we will have explored all options.

It is hard on forums (forii?? ooh, just looked it up apparently it's fora) such as these to get ones whole message across, I am not trying to make him into something he isn't, nor would we force him into something he was unhappy with nor trying to treat him better than our daughter or make a brain surgeon out of him - it is about doing what is right for him to give him choices.

I really appreciate all opinions and advice, particularly the overwhelming view that it should be 4 years or not at all, and that will have to be taken into consideration.

Thanks again

blue_monkey_2

Can you not move him to a different state school instead VJsmum? Maybe it is just THIS school that is not much good for boys of his age.

I think if you are going to do it then do it in Y10 so he had the last of his education there intead of now and him having to go back to state school if you run out of money. I do think it is everything that goes with it such as school trips as someone else has said. And then if you let him go on the school trip that costs £3k, how is your DD going to feel by not getting the same?

I think that whatever you do your son is going to get the the feeling that you are moving him because you are disappointed in him - his comment today proved that. Sorry. I think that you should explain that you just want the best for him and what does HE want. He is still very young, he might just not be very academic and no amount of money is going to change that, you just have to focus on the hings he can do that are good.

Listen to him though and ask him about the schools before you go, his opinion is the most important. He already must think you are disappointed in him and that is not going to help him at all. I would suggest that you tell him that you want to try and help him move up a class/set so that he does not have to be in class with the disruptive kids, that he will never get the chance to learn if he does not get out of that class. If HE wants to do it, then he will, however YOU might have to accept that he is not as clever as you want him to be. While you are going to find this hard, he is going to find it even harder if you constantly remind him of your disappointment. It seems to me that you do want to send him because you have already made the appointments, but remember, if he does not want it he will rebel against it (I used to live around a big private school and the kids there were some of the worst behaved in the area in regards to drinking and being caught with drugs - maybe they just have more money to buy it).