Have any of you ever been slowly dumped by a friend?

Craftyscholar

Dawning wrote: »

I called her last night, she answered the phone and was ok at first but when I started to try to talk to her about this, she said she was busy and would call me back.....

She rang me this morning and said that - I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS - she's jealous of me because I'm single and have my 'freedom' and she hates her husband and her life and when I talk about my life she hates me too!
There is nothing, no reason at all, for anyone to be jealous of me!
I am single, I hardly ever go out, I don't go out on dates or anything like that, my work life is a disaster, I'm permanently skint. I haven't got a man in my life because I feel too old and fat...Ive got hardly any friends - one less now :mad: - I just cannot see why anyone would be jealous of anything at all about me or my life.

I am so hurt and angry. She was the only person in the world I could really talk to - she knew me inside out and I thought I did her too. Obviously not.
I've got no other close friends, one or two acquaintances but nobody I can open up to like I did with her.

Perhaps you could send her an email repeating the bits I have highlighted.
If her life is carp at the moment she has created an unreal 'grass is greener' version of yours which she imagines you are living.

SkintGypsy

Wow, what a mentalist! Life is too short to have people like that in it. Just be thankful you now know she is mad and it was nothing you did. One less birthday to remember.

Hermia

molly_money_mandy wrote: »

To add a different view, im in the same situation only Im the friend who is now distancing herself (in my situation, not Dawning's friend!!)

Its really hard actually, i dont expect others to sympathise, and the response will be 'why dont you just tell her' - but I have tried and she just doesnt seem to 'get it'. Believe it or not, i dont want to be nasty, i dont want to 'dump her' (i hate that phrase), i just feel like ive moved on from where we used to be, and she hasnt - how do you tell that to someone without coming across as pretentious!

I think you have a good point. We all say we'd rather people were straight with us, but I actually think a lot of women can't deal with an honest confrontation. I have seen so many women fly off the handle because someone has tried to (politely and gently) be honest with them.

brians_daughter

Dawning wrote: »

This is a weird situation.
You know when a guy is trying to dump you but is too cowardly to say it outright....you get that distant feeling, he doesn't return your calls as often etc etc?
Well I'm getting exactly that but from my best friend. I have asked if anything is wrong, she said all is fine but she's definitely pushing me away. I'm not sure what else to do. We don't live close to one another any longer but we have stayed in touch for several years with almost daily emails and phone chats a couple of times a week etc. Now she rarely replies to my emails - she called me a week ago and again said everything was ok. I have now sent two emails since, chatty, asking how she is, giving her my news, just the usual, but had no reply.
This has been going on now for about three months....

I don't know what to do next.
stop emailing her I suppose and just leave it up to her? if she doesn't want to be friends any longer I'd prefer it if she just said so..I feel like a bit of an idiot sending emails that get ignored etc.

sorry to make light of your plight here...but a few weeks ago we had a woman on who was looking to dump one of the mates from uni..and it was suggested she did as is being done to you- you didnt go to uni togetheer did you?:rotfl:

Now, in all seriousness an email - or text saying what you have told us maybe in order. After all best mates should be able to be open and honest with eachother. Maybe she has other stuff going on she doesnt want to talk about? I would give her space, a few weeks and if shes not ben in touch send said email asking outright if your friendship has shifted without you knowing/realising?

Ah just read your update sorry to hear that. MAYBE shes having a relly bad time of it all? It sounds like she maybe is? Would she not be able to 'get out' with you for a night you know,a few drinks etc to let her hair down? She may feel better after that?

Hermia

Dawning wrote: »

She rang me this morning and said that - I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS - she's jealous of me because I'm single and have my 'freedom' and she hates her husband and her life and when I talk about my life she hates me too!

To be honest I do sympathise with her a little. I think when you are miserable you can look at other peoples' lives in a rose tinted way. If you are consumed with envy it can be hard to be around the object of your envy. I know when I have been feeling down about being single I have envied married friends even though I knew deep down that they were not that happy in their marriage. I have also had unhappily married friends envy me because they had painted a ridiculously rose-tinted view of my single life. I think one thing to bear in mind is that your friend has been very honest with you and has acknowledged that the problem is with her. That suggests that she does regard you as a good friend even if she can't cope with your friendship at the moment.

I do think you should work on making some new friends as I don't think it's a good idea to just have one. I don't think you should just give up on your friend though. She is clearly unhappy and is not behaving rationally.

CH27

Dawning wrote: »

I called her last night, she answered the phone and was ok at first but when I started to try to talk to her about this, she said she was busy and would call me back.....

She rang me this morning and said that - I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS - she's jealous of me because I'm single and have my 'freedom' and she hates her husband and her life and when I talk about my life she hates me too!
There is nothing, no reason at all, for anyone to be jealous of me!
I am single, I hardly ever go out, I don't go out on dates or anything like that, my work life is a disaster, I'm permanently skint. I haven't got a man in my life because I feel too old and fat...Ive got hardly any friends - one less now :mad: - I just cannot see why anyone would be jealous of anything at all about me or my life.

I am so hurt and angry. She was the only person in the world I could really talk to - she knew me inside out and I thought I did her too. Obviously not.
I've got no other close friends, one or two acquaintances but nobody I can open up to like I did with her.

I'm stunned on your behalf.

charlie792

make_me_wise wrote: »

Exactly this. I think with some friendships it is unrealistic to think that they will last a lifetime. People change so much from when they are in their teens - 20s, 20-30s, 30-40s etc. Not necessarily personaility wise, although I think as you experience more and more your outlook and direction can change and you drift apart from people you were once close to.

I know the OP has updated since this was posted but I just wanted to add my 2 cents worth. I couldn't agree more with the above poster.

I think different things in life can easily make people drift apart especially if they don't see each other much/live local.

I had a brilliant friend I met in primary school, we were friends for years - my parents moved me away 200 miles when I was 14 but me and my friend stayed in touch. We emailed each other, texted, talked online, sent each other birthday cards and presents, I even traveled back down to see her. She came to stay with me during one summer when I was 17 and although I loved her dearly that trip made me realise how little we had in common anymore and that our lives were so totally different. We still talked a bit after that but it was a lot more infrequent. Now at the age of 21, Ive not really spoken to her for the best part of a year, she's there online in my contacts list but neither of us really make the effort now. I think some people can really just grow apart. As the above posted said some friendships just arn't meant to last forever....

lizzie157

Dawning wrote: »

I called her last night, she answered the phone and was ok at first but when I started to try to talk to her about this, she said she was busy and would call me back.....

She rang me this morning and said that - I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS - she's jealous of me because I'm single and have my 'freedom' and she hates her husband and her life and when I talk about my life she hates me too!
There is nothing, no reason at all, for anyone to be jealous of me!
I am single, I hardly ever go out, I don't go out on dates or anything like that, my work life is a disaster, I'm permanently skint. I haven't got a man in my life because I feel too old and fat...Ive got hardly any friends - one less now :mad: - I just cannot see why anyone would be jealous of anything at all about me or my life.

I am so hurt and angry. She was the only person in the world I could really talk to - she knew me inside out and I thought I did her too. Obviously not.
I've got no other close friends, one or two acquaintances but nobody I can open up to like I did with her.

I can see it from both sides- maybe she's depressed and down about her life and even though you see nothing to be envious of, listening to things going on in your life makes her feel worse. I have a friend that makes me feel like this and so I back off until I can cope again. however you sound like a good friend who would have understood this and perhaps in her position I would have been honest about it. Its difficult if you value the friendship to be honest sometimes without hurting the other person involved. Unfortunately I don't have much luck with friends and like yourself don't have very many. Maybe she'l realize she's lost a good friend and apologize.