Have any of you ever been slowly dumped by a friend?

Dawning

This is a weird situation.
You know when a guy is trying to dump you but is too cowardly to say it outright....you get that distant feeling, he doesn't return your calls as often etc etc?
Well I'm getting exactly that but from my best friend. I have asked if anything is wrong, she said all is fine but she's definitely pushing me away. I'm not sure what else to do. We don't live close to one another any longer but we have stayed in touch for several years with almost daily emails and phone chats a couple of times a week etc. Now she rarely replies to my emails - she called me a week ago and again said everything was ok. I have now sent two emails since, chatty, asking how she is, giving her my news, just the usual, but had no reply.
This has been going on now for about three months....

I don't know what to do next.
stop emailing her I suppose and just leave it up to her? if she doesn't want to be friends any longer I'd prefer it if she just said so..I feel like a bit of an idiot sending emails that get ignored etc.

Wilma33

Maybe she is just busy?

Dawning

Wilma33 wrote: »

Maybe she is just busy?

I hope it's as simple as that but surely as my closest friend she'd be able to tell me that she's busy or just give an explanation instead of what I'm getting which is lukewarm communication from her.
She's still working part time in the same job she's had for years, one grown up child at home, husband works full-time, and as far as she's told me, nothing's changed for her that she'd be too busy to even send a one line reply to an email.

LondonDiva

Arrange to meet with her and ask whether there is a problem. If she denies it, give your examples asking if there is a problem in her life or work that you're not in the loop on as you want to be supportive.

Explain how / why your friendship is so important to you and then be prepared to draw a line / walk away. I've been there and my greatest regret was clinging to a relationship when (in hindsight) the other person wanted the friendship to evolve from best friend to aquiantance.

Trust your instincts if they are telling you something's not quite right.

make_me_wise

Dawning wrote: »

This is a weird situation.
You know when a guy is trying to dump you but is too cowardly to say it outright....you get that distant feeling, he doesn't return your calls as often etc etc?
Well I'm getting exactly that but from my best friend. I have asked if anything is wrong, she said all is fine but she's definitely pushing me away. I'm not sure what else to do. We don't live close to one another any longer but we have stayed in touch for several years with almost daily emails and phone chats a couple of times a week etc. Now she rarely replies to my emails - she called me a week ago and again said everything was ok. I have now sent two emails since, chatty, asking how she is, giving her my news, just the usual, but had no reply.
This has been going on now for about three months....

I don't know what to do next.
stop emailing her I suppose and just leave it up to her? if she doesn't want to be friends any longer I'd prefer it if she just said so..I feel like a bit of an idiot sending emails that get ignored etc.

My advice is leave it and see what happens, stop contacting her and let her call, email or fb you etc. You are not an idiot just because you send emails that other people are ignoring. You obviously value your friends and make an effort to keep in touch and be there for them, that is admirable.

There may be things going on in her life that you are unaware of that could be causing this distance for now. By doing things this way you are leaving the door open on a friendship but not letting the current way it is going hurt or effect you.

Darlyd

I would leave her to it, let her contact you.

Wish I had a friend like you. You sound like a lovely person.

pollyhelen

happened to me. didnt end well tho.. i waited like some people are suggesting and she never got in touch. she didnt come to my 30th etc, just stopped communicating. I tried to get back in contact recently and she blamed me and said i dropped her. I totally didnt but didnt want to start a you said you said thing so i just concentrated on whether she wanted to be friends again (yes it did sound like i was 5 ) and she basically said no. I see her a bit through work, and randomly bumped into her in the supermarket the other day even tho she lives about 20 miles away!

I feel terrible about it as she was my best friend for about a year and a half and i still dont know what went wrong and why she wants nothing to do with me now. Am trying to move on. Is easier with boyfriends cos at least you know its a no and relationships go wrong, but it is truly odd with friends. So no good advice - im not sure what i would have done differently, but totally with you, and hope its not too grim for you!

RacyRed

Dawning wrote: »

I hope it's as simple as that but surely as my closest friend she'd be able to tell me that she's busy or just give an explanation instead of what I'm getting which is lukewarm communication from her.
She's still working part time in the same job she's had for years, one grown up child at home, husband works full-time, and as far as she's told me, nothing's changed for her that she'd be too busy to even send a one line reply to an email.

Hmmmm, what age range is she? How does she sound when you do speak to her? Could she be a bit down? It is hard to be chatty on the phone or in emails if you are a bit depressed, can't think of a single thing worth saying and don't want to bring your friends down.

If you value her friendship maybe give her a little space but stay in touch so she can tell you what is going on when she feels able to, if depression might be the problem?

January20

2 things I'm sure of:

1. Honesty is the best policy. Why not, in a phone call, express your concerns gently and see what she says?

2. Some people are only meant to be in your life for a period of time, like they serve a purpose at a time when you need them or they need you (or both) and then they walk out of your life again. Some people thankfully are there for longer, much longer.

Foggster

Friends can be with you for a lifetime and then friends can be with you for short times. I have let friendships fade and I have friendships fade on me. Then I had had friendships that have faded and then re-ignited years and years later. This has happened to me in recent months and has made me re-think friends in general.

A friend of over a decade and I have recently "faded". It was quite difficult to maintain the friendships over the last 12 months, we have changed so much and no longer seemed to have "common ground". It really is hard to put into words but I felt less and less like a close friend and I stopped returning texts and calls. Alot of the time I was genuinely busy but at other times I just didnt know what to say. It is sad but there is always a chance that in the future our paths may cross and we may have come a full circle.

I agree with January20, be honest and be prepared to find that the friendship has changed and you are no longer a key friend to her.

skypie123_2

Op put the ball in her court and leave it up to her to get in touch. Could be marital probs or anything her end and she isn't ready to talk yet or maybe she is just busy.

Pollyhen, you sound like a lovely person and its your friends loss. People are odd sometimes

xxx