Can you blame your friends for your debt?

Imelda

I saw this today on the BBC website:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6175473.stm

For me it was totally the case, had to buy new clothes to keep up with fashion, nights out, holidays, make up, shoes......

Even now, I am still pressured into handing over £20 for 30th Birthday presents, £30 for engagement presents, £30 for wedding presents and so on.

Having friends can be very expensive!

Anyone else have the same situation?

lynzpower

I have a few freinds that dont get it.

These are the same people who were able to invest thier studetn loans in high interest accounts than living on them.

I tell them im still paying off my debt from uni and I cant afford tapas & coctails.

Luckily Im not at work at the mo ,so missed all the Xmas expense! Chuffed about that

clarab_3

I had to go to EIGHT weddings this year. Even though i recycled the outfit and everything, it still cost me a fortune in presents, travel etc.

But no I dont think you can blame them, ultimately, it was me that put my hand in the pocket and spent the money.

mjdh1957

Clarab is right, we can't blame them for what we do as we are the ones in control of our own wallets/purses.

Interesting that the article claims that peer pressure declines as we get older. I suppose us oldies have learned the hard way that trying to keep up with the Jones's isn't such a good idea!

It could work the same way with any addicition - like drinking too much to keep in with friends.

victory

We can't blame them but I had that last xmas and hte one before, my friends were so into telling what had been bought for their kids, every time I would think oh crickey I have so little to give my kids in comparison to what they get so I kept upping the presents and the expense to keep up and got into debt to 'keep in' since moved and learnt a hard lesson, be pleased and happy for them for what they give their kids but never again try to compete with them!!! xxx

new_leaf_6

I think that till you get your "lightbulb" moment you don't acknowledge what you're over spending. Once that light comes on in your head it get easier to say no to friends who are still under the impression that life is free. (it's definitely not).

Imelda

I do agree with clarab that it is ultimately up to the individual what they spend, however the pressure from friends is immense.

This year I have been to 4 weddings (1 abroad), 2 engagement parties, 3 hen weekends, 3 baby showers (!), 4 30th birthday parties. Ok, I wasn't forced to go, but it seems that because I have been to one friend's party/ hen weekend it would then seem wrong to refuse to go to another's. It's the same with presents, I spent £30 per wedding present last year and so it seems a given that I will spend that this year, no one even asks anymore, an email will just go round saying "it's so and so's wedding coming up, shall we get this? put the usual £30 in" Where does it stop?
Also I suppose I am a bit bitter as I have never been engaged, married, pregnant, a parent or 30, whereas other friends have done all in one year!
I no longer feel the need to keep up with them in terms of possessions and I only go out when it's a special occasion (not just the couple of drinks after work which turn into 6 and a taxi ride home) but this is one area which I just can't control.

lynzpower

Imelda are you still moving/ moved in over this way?

Maybe time to put all your mates in the same position. A housewarming party with a gift list! Maybe you should ask for vouchers for it- and use them for your shopping

If you cant beat them....

Uniscots97

I've tried to watch what I was spending this year but to be hit with "couldn't you have got something better and of greater value" by someone I know after giving them £10 for their birthday so they could spend it on exactly what they wanted I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit like Imelda. Bitter in that nobody seems to appreciate things anymore and the nastiest people out get all the breaks! Sorry rant over.

Serialdieter

I agree it can be very tough, but I think I've finally learnt the value of email. It's easier to say no in an email than in person.

A little tale, I'd already sorted our parents xmas pressies when sis emails saying do I want to pay half towards some concert tickets for them. I was very proud of myself when I said sorry no, I've already done pressies. The old me would have just said yes. Thank god for lightbulbs. I'll admit I wasn't sure how she'd take it, but hell she's got loads of dosh and I haven't .

Jx

JoJo_Sparkly

I love my friends dearly and yes in my spending days I enjoyed giving lovely, expensive things, went away to fantastic places and wore beautiful clothes etc But I'm a free thinking individual and deep down I knew I was spending money I couldn't afford because I was greedy and materialistic.

The debt's mine - all mine -- and I'm proud to say I'm now dealing with it.

Jojo