Can you blame your friends for your debt?

Imelda

climbgirl wrote:

Oh come on, ultimately it was the person in deb t who spent the money and bowed to the peer pressure, how exactly is it their friends' fault? I really can't stand this kind of thinking - have a spine and stand up for yourself, if you can't afford it, say no! A real friend will understand this and find an alternative.

I tell this to myself all the time, unfortunately I am just not that strong, I love buying presents (I spend more on others than I do on myself!) I wish I had more resolve, I guess everyone has their weaknesses.

mjdh1957

Real friends would understand if you can't afford things, so why not just say you're dealing with debt so can't give a lot?

If you lose them as friends over something like that then they're not real friends and it's no real loss...

If giving presents is your weakness then find ways to avoid being in that situation. Don't answer their e-mails and don't chip in the £30. We all have weaknesses, which is the real reason we get into debt.

Imelda

BT_man wrote:

You MSE'ers seem to blame everyone, except of course yourselves for running up huge debt's...
So why not blame your friend's, parent's, school's, next door's cat...etc.

Ok maybe blame is too strong a word (I was just quoting the BBC story) but I think part of the DFW journey is identifying weak areas in spending, only then can you deal with them. For me the biggest obstacle I am having to overcome is the pressure from my friends, family and colleagues to wear certain clothes, do certain things and go to certain places. I envy those who can rise above it. Peer pressure was the no1 reason I got into debt, not an excuse for me to stay that way.

tinkerbell212

Imelda wrote:

Ok maybe blame is too strong a word (I was just quoting the BBC story) but I think part of the DFW journey is identifying weak areas in spending, only then can you deal with them. For me the biggest obstacle I am having to overcome is the pressure from my friends, family and colleagues to wear certain clothes, do certain things and go to certain places. I envy those who can rise above it. Peer pressure was the no1 reason I got into debt, not an excuse for me to stay that way.

Imelda, at least you recognize how you got into trouble in the first place. Peer pressure happens everywhere and it takes something drastic to realise this and fight it. Personally I find it slightly bullying when people keep having a go at what you are supposed to spend to be one of them. And to be honest I wouldn't go around and tell everybody I'm in debt, it's nobody's business. What I will say is that I find something to expensive or I don't want to spend money because of whatever reason. I actually converted quite a few people to my way of thinking. My victory moment was when my husband said that he bought 2 for the price on 1 washingpowder, that is very good coming from somebody who would normally go to M&S and shy away from Lidl or Aldi (which he loves now by the way!!)

ZTD

melaniec wrote:

have you even bothered to read these posts non of them say blame all of them say there is a pressure but ultimately they take responsibility for their actions:mad:

Please don't feed the trolls.

climbgirl

Imelda wrote:

I tell this to myself all the time, unfortunately I am just not that strong, I love buying presents (I spend more on others than I do on myself!) I wish I had more resolve, I guess everyone has their weaknesses.

But that's your issue, not your friends'. I don't mean to sound harsh but I don't care how much pressure advertisers or friends put on people to spend money, we can think for ourselves and make decisions for ourselves. Ultimately it is your decision and choice to spend the money and if you can't be resolved enough to say no, then that's the problem. Yours, not theirs.

It's really not that difficult, you don't have to divulge details of your debt, just make your excuses another way, or find a cheaper alternative.

smog_2

I am really really lucky to have a great big group of friends and every Christmas we do a deal that we will all buy each other presents from the pound shop...or anywhere else, but maximum spend is a pound. Total spend - about £15!!

Then if enough of us can spend the time or the money we all go out for a big pub dinner to exchange these gifts, usually on Christmas eve - not coming to more than £20 unless we drink far far too much :rotfl:

It's great as it's a brilliant chance for us all to get to see each other and there's none of that worry that someone will have spent more on you than you did on then. It's also a great chance to get creative with the presents...OK so usually we all end up with a load of junk we didn't need...but it's fun and it means everyone can get involved no matter how much money they have. The main point of it all is really so that we can all meet up and have a laugh.

I've tried to watch what I was spending this year but to be hit with "couldn't you have got something better and of greater value" by someone I know after giving them £10 for their birthday so they could spend it on exactly what they wanted I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit like Imelda. Bitter in that nobody seems to appreciate things anymore and the nastiest people out get all the breaks! Sorry rant over.

I find this really really horrible. Apart from anything else I think £10 is quite a generous present for a friend. Or am I just stingy

Uniscots97

smog wrote:

I've tried to watch what I was spending this year but to be hit with "couldn't you have got something better and of greater value" by someone I know after giving them £10 for their birthday so they could spend it on exactly what they wanted I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit like Imelda. Bitter in that nobody seems to appreciate things anymore and the nastiest people out get all the breaks! Sorry rant over.

I find this really really horrible. Apart from anything else I think £10 is quite a generous present for a friend. Or am I just stingy

This was for my best friend's son who is 17. Rather than get something he didn't want I thought he'd be able to put it towards a computer game or whatever. My friend didn't speak up in my defence either. Have bought the ungrateful little so and so an adidas gift set from Semi-Chem (£2.99), doubt I'll get a thank you but there you go.

smog_2

Well done unixgirl

You've been more than generous. I think it was an excellend idea to give him money the first time round - as it's impossible to buy for kids that age. If it were me he probably wouldn't have got anything the second time round.

He's a teenager, and is yet to understand the value of money, but if I had a child who behaved like that at 7 (never mind 17) i would be dreadfully, embarrased, apologetic and would make him spend the money (and perhaps a bit more) on you to make up for his behaviour.

It's just shocking that people 'expect' gifts to be of a certain value. They are meant to be a symbol of love and friendship. Not of status.

eventer

unixgirluk wrote:

smog wrote:

I've tried to watch what I was spending this year but to be hit with "couldn't you have got something better and of greater value" by someone I know after giving them £10 for their birthday so they could spend it on exactly what they wanted I'm afraid I'm feeling a bit like Imelda. Bitter in that nobody seems to appreciate things anymore and the nastiest people out get all the breaks! Sorry rant over.

This was for my best friend's son who is 17. Rather than get something he didn't want I thought he'd be able to put it towards a computer game or whatever. My friend didn't speak up in my defence either. Have bought the ungrateful little so and so an adidas gift set from Semi-Chem (£2.99), doubt I'll get a thank you but there you go.

Blimey, you're a better person than me, after that kind of a display of ungratefulness he would have got sweet FA from me in the future! I am clearly well behind the times as I am late twenties and would be chuffed to get that much money from someone! (Whether in the form of folding money or a gift).