Can you blame your friends for your debt?

Wyndham

unixgirluk wrote:

I've tried to watch what I was spending this year but to be hit with "couldn't you have got something better and of greater value" by someone I know after giving them £10 for their birthday so they could spend it on exactly what they wanted.

None of my business of course, but I'd suggest this person isn't really a friend.... If they don't appreciate the gift then personally I wouldn't bother at all next time and it would serve them right!

Am I being too harsh?

It can be tough, and at this time of year it is especially tough. Luckily, family don't go in for big presents, but I know some people who do and really struggle with it. One offs are OK, but it's when lots come all at once that problems arise.

dinkylou

Yes, I think to some extent peer pressure plays a massive part in why many people (and myself too) are in debt. After all, your friends aren't doing it to be malicious or anything its just that most people like to go out, buy new things and live a 'nice' lifestyle.
I would never blame anyone but myself though as it was my choice what to spend the money on and whilst others may influence me, its still my choice.

But I have to disagree with the article about older people (35+) not thinking they are being influenced by peer pressure. Really? Somehow I don't believe that!

I think the term 'peer pressure' is associated with the young and things like bullying and so older people would never admit that they bought that nice new car or got sky plus installed because their friendship groups also have these things, but I bet that influences them in some way.

Although I hate to admit it, I think that we are all influenced far more than we think by our peers.

lady_fuschia

I think "blame" is probably a bit of a strong word.. but perhaps some people who don't have to struggle as much financially don't realise how much pressure they put on those of us who do. I have a couple of friends who are quite high earners compared to me and perhaps don't realise the awkward position they put me in if they try and talk me in to - say- going for a curry after the cinema (2 for 1 tickets obviously!), or meeting for drinks after work- they see it as being nice and encouraging me to have fun- which it kind of is, which is why its so tricky to say no sometimes! But ultimately you always have that option- its not like people force you to spend money on stuff, but it is difficult sometimes.
I think if they're real friends although they might still try and talk you into it, they will understand if you explain that you just can't afford it.

BT_man

You MSE'ers seem to blame everyone, except of course yourselves for running up huge debt's...
So why not blame your friend's, parent's, school's, next door's cat...etc.

melaniec_2

Like most of us I have been under pressure to keep up with the trends having worked in fashion buying offices for most of my career. There is a great feeling when some says "oo I love your....where did you get it?" £5 from Primark!

I just don't understand people that don't consider others and their circumstances. I have friends that are well off and those that aren't and so when i see them I adjust the plans accordingly and often cook for my friends so they don't feel under pressure to spend any money. With my other friends I go out.

why don't more people think like this?

climbgirl

Oh come on, ultimately it was the person in deb t who spent the money and bowed to the peer pressure, how exactly is it their friends' fault? I really can't stand this kind of thinking - have a spine and stand up for yourself, if you can't afford it, say no! A real friend will understand this and find an alternative.

My friends (who earn massive city salaries) asked me to chip in £80 for someone's christmas present this year. I just said I was trying to keep christmas cheap and I wasn't doing presents for most friends this year. They were totally fine with it, as I'd expect them to be.

Nobody forces you to buy the latest clothes, keep up with fashion, go abroad all the time. We're not robots, we don't have to listen to the advertising or peer pressure from "friends"!

pandaonmyshoulder

Friends what friends And as for family it's just me DH and 4 children.

melaniec_2

BT_man wrote:

You MSE'ers seem to blame everyone, except of course yourselves for running up huge debt's...
So why not blame your friend's, parent's, school's, next door's cat...etc.

have you even bothered to read these posts non of them say blame all of them say there is a pressure but ultimately they take responsibility for their actions:mad:

Imelda

lynzpower wrote:

Imelda are you still moving/ moved in over this way?

Maybe time to put all your mates in the same position. A housewarming party with a gift list! Maybe you should ask for vouchers for it- and use them for your shopping

If you cant beat them....

Yes I am, have kind of decamped there already as I am decorating my flat and getting it ready to sell next year (following your lead, I have accrued loads of things from friends and family, so far it hasn't cost me anything).

Unfortunately the OH's flat is tiny so no housewarming, unless we invite people 2 at a time!

tinkerbell212

If your friends are true friends then you can tell them that you cannot keep up with their lifestyle. Maybe you should try to be more creative in your gift giving; ie, for a newborn, instead of paying for an outfit or whatever, cook a meal and bring that around (would be much more appreciated), for a wedding, offer your services such as helping with arrangements or look after plants, pets, house when happy couple is on honeymoon.
But do agree that ultimately, you decide to put your hand in your pocket hence getting into trouble.
Small story, I used to work with a girl who would only buy designer stuff, maybe Next (although that was already below her..) I normally shop at Primark and another colleague did to. We invented this designer name and guess what, when we bought something and would say we had it from this and this designer, she would ask if we could get her one.
Just saying that you don't have to spend like crazy to be in with a crowd (due to their snobishness they would never go to Primark, Poundland or Lidl, so items from these shops would always seem like one off pieces anyway!!)