Totally confused and do not know what to do

make_me_wise

Lost_in_the_mist wrote: »

Firstly I am a married man,2nd wife due to first passing away,and have been married 24 years no children due to wife having a medical problem.Until a few months ago very happy with life other than the usual tiffs which happen within all marriages.

Anyway a few months ago I became involved with a woman who i met by chance and it was bang,hit me over the head with a hammer so to speak and yes believe it or not love at first sight for both of us, the outcome is that we have embarked on a intimate affair.

Am I in love with her,yes and she is in love with me,how do I know other than her telling me well let me tell you this she would like us to have a baby together,and the thing is I want this to. I accept that this would cause a massive fall out with other innocent people getting hurt very badly and we both accept this.Yes I know I should walk away but I cannot, I am in that deep with my emotions.Has anybody else been in my position and i so what did they do?

Not been in this position myself. I am not going to sit here and judge you for having an affair, no slating or flaming from me. It happens, we cant help who we fall in love with. Or who we fall out of love with.

You have accepted that there will be a massive fall out from you having this relationship and that other people will get badly hurt. If you want to do the responsible thing then limit the damage by coming clean as soon as possible. The longer the deceit goes on for the worse things will get.

Good luck with the future OP.

LillythePink

Been in a slightly similar position - met someone while still married - he was married too - he wanted kids she didn't

Couldn't really call it an affair - it was more emotional and heart felt than lust - we knew more about each other as we talked more than anything

His marriage was more or less over, I fell out of love with my ex before I met OH so basically we got it together - left the wife/hub and set up home together - yes, it's not the best start and I can't say that I haven't thought about - we have done it once, what's to stop either of us doing something like that again (affair etc) but you have to live for now.

We are now married - can't pretend we haven't had issues - we have and big ones from time to time, however, I don't regret leaving my ex and being with my OH. There has been fall out - but time does heal.

If you want your girlfriend, then fine - go for it - but don't take your time and disrespect your wife any further - it will be hurtfull enough for her you leaving and then having a baby with another woman (if/when that happens) - that will definately be a big stab to her as a woman.

abacus73

I've known some muggins in my time but OP you take the biscuit. You have put enough info on here for 'those that know you' to work out exactly who you are. Changing your user name isn't really adequate cover oddly enough.

I reckon your wife is already aware of what you have been up to and could be planning her own little surprise for you.

If you do go off with this new woman, whatever you do dont marry each other. All that will do is create vacancies if you get my drift

Bettybigboobs

Been married with somebody for 24 years, the wife has gave you 24 good years of her life, and you repay her back by being a complete and utter (beep). I so believe in karma, and i hope for your missus' sake that it bites you right on the backside. As SOON as you had feelings for somebody else, you should of left your marriage. Why take it all the way and now participate in infidelity? Its evil, it hurts many people, and its utter selfishness, basically you have waited unitl you have discovered your feelings for the bint, are more than a leg over, whilst in the meantime you have been stringing your wife along, with the possibility of her being a "fall back" option incase things didnt go well.
I do believe people fall out of love, but theres NO need to hurt people further with horrific disrespect.
P.S and as for the bint, who is knowingly with a married man....i hope karma gets her too.

meritaten

none of us has a crystal ball hun, But, I dont need one to know this is going to end badly! your wife will be hurt if you leave her for the new woman - and dont you think it wont hurt you too if you care even a little for her - its not nice being the cause of pain.
your new woman will be hurt if you DONT leave your wife or refuse to have a baby - and that wont feel good either.
you and the new woman are openly seen in public together holding hands etc - are you HOPING that someone will see you and tell your wife (thats the cowards way tbh - you cant face your wife with the truth so you want someone else to do it for you and for your wife to kick you out - then you can tell yourself you didnt have any options!), well, that may not happen - everyone else may know while your wife is kept in ignorance!
Grow up and take some responsibility for your marraige and your affair - you never know you may get lucky - some men manage to keep relationships a secret for ever! not that it sounds like you want that!

tasha-debt

I would have always been a person that said that you are an idiot for having an affair but I have been having some very strong feelings for a friend of mine recently and I have a BF of 5 years), I can understand how easy it is for an affair to start when you feel pulled to this person like a magnet and it is so hard to stay away from them.

What I think you need to do is look at the two issues that you have as seperate decisions:

Your wife: Before you met your new lady were you happy, do you truly love her, is she happy, could you change things to improve your marriage and be happy with your wife? Would you have left your wife even if you had not met someone else?

Your affair: What is it about this person that you feel will make you happy long term, is it just the initial excitiement of a new person showing you serious intrest etc (I hope thats all it is for me) or do you feel that this new person is going to give you everything that you want from a partner? Have you spoke about the financial/living/long term goals etc? Do you want teh same things from life (big and small)?

I do think though that you should cool things with the new lady a bit to give you both time to really think about everything and seeing her will cloud your judgement at the moment. If its meant to be she will understand. Your wife deserves the respect from you to talk to her about the things in your marrige your not happy about and also what she is not happy about as you have been together a long time and this decision will impact a lot of peoples lives.