Totally confused and do not know what to do

FBaby

To add on the infertility front, my partner wanted a baby with his wife, she didn't, in the end, she left him. When we met, we quickly decided to try and I fell pregnant first month trying to our mutual delight, unfortunately I miscarried. We picked ourselves up, tried again, without success, to find out 9 months later that my partner's swimmers were not up to scratch and it was a miracle I had fallen pregnant in the first place. It's been 2 years and no sign of a positive, and in light of our ages, it is almost a certainty that it will never happen. His ex wife remarried and just had a baby. There is no bitterness on his part at all, as a matter of fact he has accepted to move on much better than I, but what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to baby making, it is not always as straight forward as one might think, despite all what we were told as teenagers!

jetta_wales

Kate78 wrote: »

Sorry but this made me angry. Infertility is not an "off the hook" excuse for playing away!

It's not an excuse no of course not but it can cause marital problems for some who maybe aren't quite the perfect match for each other that they thought they were.

There's no denying it was wrong to go about things this way you should have shown restraint and not gone this far with her without being honest with your wife but I'm sure you already know that.

What's done is done however you can't undo that now but you do need to think long and hard about how you handle things from now.

In my opinion you should cool things down with your girl friend tell her you need a clear head to sort things out with your wife and she should understand that and give you that time if she really does love you. I'm saying don't see her or speak to her at all but you could at least show your wife enough respect to stop sleeping with your girlfriend and sneaking around behind her back while you break the news to her and coupe with the reality of separation, I'd hope you would want to limit the pain you cause her as much as is realistically possible wouldn't you?

Cool it with your girlfriend while you give your wife the respect and honesty that she deserves, you can't undo what's done but can do right from here on in.

No we can not control love these things happen but we can control our actions and how we let our love affect the others in our lives, you need to start taking responsibility for your situation and your actions now.

Best of luck.

SavingPennies_2

You've been married 24 years, second wife, so your what, late 40's at least? If your new woman the same age? I'm just thinking it's only a few months and your talking babies, well she is. Are you she's not just after a baby?

Lost_in_the_mist

I have read all postings so far and will reply to them soon

Jo.1981

I believe in finishing one relationship before moving on to the next, if it is 'true love' then it will wait until you are both available to start something new. Plus I think you have to ask yourself whether you will ever be able to trust this new woman, you have both started a relationship based on mistrust (to your current partners). If she did it to him she can do it to you and visa versa.

Bloomin_Freezing2

relic wrote: »

You've pretty much given out enough details to figure out who you are if friends and family use this site.

You're both cheating, both seem to be publically advertising it, and seem happy. Sounds like a good match. Oh and by the way, you're not confused, if you're happy to go out in public holding hands and so-on, that's not confusion.

Personally I couldn't think of a worse way to start a relationship, if they're doing it now, what's to say they won't do the same to you in a few years?

I was about to say this myself! I find it amusing almost that people change their name for certain threads to 'hide from friends and family' and then go on to tell so many details about their life it's pretty easy for anyone involved to work it out!

CH27

Lost_in_the_mist wrote: »

Had to change name as friends and family use this site.This is going to be a long post as well, so sorry and I also expect to get slated as well.
Firstly I am a married man,2nd wife due to first passing away,and have been married 24 years no children due to wife having a medical problem.Until a few months ago very happy with life other than the usual tiffs which happen within all marriages.
Anyway a few months ago I became involved with a woman who i met by chance and it was bang,hit me over the head with a hammer so to speak and yes believe it or not love at first sight for both of us, the outcome is that we have embarked on a intimate affair.
She knows I am married and I know she has a partner and we have discussed between us personal details regarding each others other halfs and the lack of intimacy with them.Now I know what you are thinking its just a sex thing between the 2 of us, yes the sex is more than good,but when we are out we hold hands,kiss in public,go shopping together just like any normal couple and we are on the same wavelength over many things we have both said that we should have met years ago.Am I in love with her,yes and she is in love with me,how do I know other than her telling me well let me tell you this she would like us to have a baby together,and the thing is I want this to. I accept that this would cause a massive fall out with other innocent people getting hurt very badly and we both accept this.Yes I know I should walk away but I cannot, I am in that deep with my emotions.Has anybody else been in my position and i so what did they do?

You don't love her & she doesn't love you.
You are both infatuated & are not thinking straight.

Once you are together dealing with the fallout from your broken relationships the novelty will soon wear off.

Think very long & very hard before you make a move.

You promised to be faithful to your wife. Be true to your vows.
If you really cannot make your marriage work then end it without the shadow of guilt & infedelity.

jetta_wales

CH27 wrote: »

You don't love her & she doesn't love you.
You are both infatuated & are not thinking straight.

Once you are together dealing with the fallout from your broken relationships the novelty will soon wear off.

Lol now I've seen a great many wild assumptions on this forum but this one takes the biscuit. You can not tell a person that they do not love somebody and that that person (neither of whom you know from Adam) does not love them either. What a completely ridiculous thing to say.

It might be love it might be lust who knows? Certainly not you!

Lost_in_the_mist

Yes it is love and not lust,I think I am old enough to understand that.I have many female friends but I have never experienced anything like this with anybody before and this was from the start,well before we slept together

msb5262

Hi OP,

Why are you asking for advice? It sounds as if you know what you want.

You need to make up your mind - stay married (which means ending this other relationship once and for all) or end your marriage and set up with the new woman.

The only question is, will the new woman want this too or would she like to have her cake and eat it?

The decisions and choices you make now are potentially going to affect all four of you - you, your wife, the new woman and her partner - so choose wisely and not in haste.

Above all, stop lying. It doesn't do anyone any favours.

Best of luck whatever you decide

MsB