Feeling sad - 25 weeks pregnant

SkintGypsy

Re your mother- CUT HER OFF!!! She does not deserve to share this pregnancy with you, nor is she entitled to make you feel like crap. I would simply not accept her calls or visits, and when asked why explain that she is a grade A biatch and can keep her opinions and criticisms to herself. She needs to be taught a lesson. Not sure what to say about the husband, but I would definitely explain how you are feeling and ask for his help. If he chooses not to help then, well I guess he is a sucky partner who needs a kick in the balls.

Turtle2010

Hey All

Thank you so much for your kind words

I know I need to have a word with my mum, she says things without thinking a lot of the time and when i've brought things up with her before i've been accused of being over sensitive, but I think this time she's stepped over the mark. The only one who should be embarrased is her.

As for hubby, I love him to death and he does look after me....to a certain extent! I was really tired on Sunday and he put me to bed with a huge mug of tea and put on my fave movie.....but went next door and played Call of Duty....so the thought is there, but i'd rather he'd put on some washing or something! He does make dinner for me if he's home before me and is always at hand with a cup of tea and a cuddle. He carries a selfish gene though, his father is one of the most selfish men I have ever met in my life with regards to sport / football, it always comes first...so I do give him a LITTLE leeway....we can't help where we come from (I carry a bad temper gene!) I just wish he would see what's staring him in the face and not just say "oh we've run out of milk"....did you use the last of it? "yeah"...then go get some!! Jees!!

Deep breaths and early nights for me I think....oh and deal with my mum.

Thanks guys xx

Make-it-3

Tackling each person in order:

OH - its hard for them to understand what is going on with our bodies/hormones especially before you really show and they can feel the baby moving. They are also coming to terms with big changes that are going to happen. That said, you have to stop letting him get away without doing his share and more. So stop trying to do it all yourself. Get him into practice now as you are only going to get bigger and then have a little person to care for.

Mum - you've said that she's always had a problem with your weight for whatever reason (you sound super-slim to me), so pregnancy is just highlighting this. I would have a melt-down in front of her and tell her to butt out or she won't be seeing her grandchild. (You can always blame the hormones if you go a bit OTT). If you don't she'll be on your back to get "back in shape" before you've even left the hospital.

BF - Invite her round, have a coffee and honest chat, you can't tiptoe around her forever or you will just drift apart. She may find it therapeutic to be more involved.

If you are still feeling blue after putting everyone in order, do remember there is such thing as pre-natal depression and if you are struggling to cope (I know I was) with everything do talk to your MW about getting some support.

Molly41

Make time for you and you alone. Look after and nurture yourself. If this means that something gives then so be it - hopefully something that your will husband will notice - like the housework or shopping. He sees you coping so thinks that everything is just the same but of course it's not you are growing a little person and that is the most important job you or your body will ever do. As for your mother keep her at arms length and tell her to stop bothering you with her own insecurities - because that what her issues with your weight are!!

CH27

Remove the fuse from the PS3:D

patchwork_cat

Turtle2010 wrote: »

Hey All

I just wish he would see what's staring him in the face and not just say "oh we've run out of milk"....did you use the last of it? "yeah"...then go get some!! Jees!!

Deep breaths and early nights for me I think....oh and deal with my mum.

Thanks guys xx

I don't want to say that is men, but I fear it is. My DH does a lot around the house, and my old colleagues used to say he was a wonder, but the thing they miss is he has to be asked to do a lot of them and he just doesn't see them and he can be a moody sh*t sometimes. Just tell him to do it. Say I feel rotten, but I can't sit down because I have this and this to do. If I don't do them there will be twice as much tomorrow and I just can't do it all and grow a baby.

Can he not get time off for the NCT classes, really. One husband at ours drove 150 miles from Glasgow to come to ours instead of staying over, he was late, but he did it!

make_me_wise

Turtle2010 wrote: »

Deep breaths and early nights for me I think....oh and deal with my mum.

Thanks guys xx

Take stress completely out of the equation and write your mum a letter telling her how she makes you feel. That way she cant get rude or defensive and miss half of what you want her to hear because she is too busy screaming at you. Until she acknowledges how out of order she has been and apologises keep her at a distance. Silence is a powerful tool.

mintedby30?

Hi Turtle,

Read your post full of congratulations on your pregnancy, sympathy that you're not feeling great just now and at how your Mum is treating you

Then glanced at the side and saw you are in Aberdeen, I am too!!

Give me your address and I'll come round and give you a hug :grouphug: (slightly dodgy) and hubby a kick up the bum! Then give me your Mum's address and I'll go pop round for a word!!!! :mad:

I am just waiting to ttc again, my little girl is 6. Hoping to get preg again in the next year or so. My hubby was a scared little boy when I was expecting our daughter, I think they feel a bit helpless, we are Mummies as soon as we find out we're pregnant but I don't think it's as real for them until they're actually holding the baby.

I really wouldn't give your Mum the time of day at the moment- this is a time when you need support and your own Mummy to nurture you, certainly not criticism and judgement. This is especially true when you're feeling down anyway and not strong enough to tell her where to go or just let it slide off your back (which I suspect you do normally.)

With regards to your BF I agree with having a chat about how you feel. Best friends are there for each other through having babies and losing babies and everything else in life. Take it at her pace though. My BF lost a baby last month and I know how hard it is to try and be there without thinking you're rubbing your own family in their face.

Hugs turtle xxxxx

MoneySavingMamma

OH's can be little !!!!!!! They don't grow up....EVER!

My mum got all naggy & b!tchy about my mothering techniques, and for the first time ever I really stood up to her, something along the lines of
'This is my house, and if you cannot be polite and respect me & the way I do things then you can go. You can come back IF you learn to keep you bad comments to yourself'

Say something along those lines, it works on even the meanist mums!

barbiedoll

If OH won't do his share then leave the ironing, washing etc until he notices and when he moans that he has no clean shirts, tell him that it's time for him to learn how to do this stuff. When you have a tiny baby to look after, you won't have time for the housework, it will be a shock to both of you just how much of your time babies take up. (I hate it when men come home from work and ask the new mum..."so what have you been doing with yourself all day?" Grrrrrrrr!!!!:mad:)

As for your mum......words fail me! Has anyone in the family got any pictures of her when she was pregnant? I bet she didn't look like a supermodel at the time, any more than most of us do. If she makes snide comments about your (perfectly normal) weight gain, ask her if she's jealous because her reproducing years are long gone or is it just the menopause that is making her so unpleasant? (:rotfl:)

Good luck with the baby and as for the NCT classes....a lot of men are quite embarassed about the thought of sitting around on beanbags, listening to a lot of pregnant women going on about birthing positions and breast-feeding. If he can't/won't go, it doesn't mean he'll be a rubbish dad. Take a friend instead, if you can or go on your own. You will learn lots and you'll meet other mums-to-be as well. Which is good if you can't speak to your other friends about things.
Hope all goes well x