Feeling sad - 25 weeks pregnant

Turtle2010

Hello

Not strictly money saving (well not at all actually) but just wanted to spill it out and see if anyone could snap me out of it / send some advice my way.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and so far, physically i've been feeling pretty good. My first 3 months weren't great but since being in my 2nd trimester i'm doing ok. At the moment though, i'm feeling really emotional and scared and I feel like I have no-one to confide in or talk things through with.

My hubby doesn't understand what's going on really, i've got him some books which are gathering dust on his bedside table (while he plays Call of Duty which really gets up my nose) and he can't come to the NCT classes i've booked as he has to work. He thinks i'm being a drama queen when I tell him i'm scared / tired / overwhelmed etc and all I get are rolled eyes. Don't get me wrong, he's really excited to become a daddy....but I feel i'm lacking support from him. He thinks because he's put up a border in the nursery it makes him husband of the year. I'm still doing all the shopping / cleaning / working full time / looking after our dog / gardening while he works full time too, he spends his days off golfing or playing PC or Playstation games. His job is stressful....but then so is mine.

My mum however, is the biggest shock for me. She is over the moon to become a grandma, but she can't help herself from giving me a hard time whenever the mood takes her. The biggest upset for me at the moment is her constant criticism of my changing body. I have been getting swollen legs and ankles since early on....and she thinks I look like the back end of a bus. She's always comparing me to pregnant celebrities, you know, the ones who stay a size 6 everywhere else and just have a tiny wee bump right up to 9 months. Jenni Falconer for example is due the same time as me....the other day I was told "she's tiny, nothing like you at all!!". Thaks mum, I already feel like a whale. Yesterday someone in the family asked if I had any cravings yet, and she butted in with "no, just food, hahaha!!" I felt so rubbish. I've not been stuffing my face at all and I haven't put on an enormous amount of weight....infact my midwife is really happy with my weight gain / general health, isn't that the mail thing? Everyone thinks I am neat, mum thinks I am huge and should be embarrased....and in no uncertain terms tells me so every time she sees me. She has ALWAYS had a problem with my weight (I am 5'7 and a size 12 - 14) and has had screaming matches with me in the past about "not wanting a fat daughter".

I can't confide in my best friend, she lost her baby when I was 12 weeks pregnant (we were both pregnant at the same time) and I really don't want to upset her with my woe is me stories....and my other close friend seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth since I told her.

I know I might just be feeling sorry for myself but I can't help it. Sometimes people have fantastic pregnancies and aren't affected emotinally at all, unfortunately that's not me. I feel guilty that i'm not enjoying it as much as I should be and that'll make me a bad mum.

Thanks for reading xx

alwaysonthego_2

Aw no poor you ((hugs)). My ex was very unsupportive during both of my pregnancies complaining if I needed to sit down when I had a dizzy spell and even shaking me awake whilst heavily pregnant as I was snoring, ooh I wonder why with a baby pressing against my chest. The midwife went mad at him when I told her. I think with all the hormones running around your body and you are going to get tired. He should be doing more to support you and not messing around on the games machine. And for your mother I can't believe she is making you feel like rubbish, take no notice and look after yourself x

stiltwalker

Hi Turtle,

((((Hugs)))) Don't worry, allsorts of feelings are perfectly normal and IT IS scary! All sorts of worries become huge in you head and however good OHs are they don't always understand. Ask your midwife if there are any groups locally to join for those still expecting as opposed to new mum ones and there will probably be other mums at your NCT classes whose OHs can't make it that you can talk to. I've just had my second and I hated being pregnant both times - I felt fat and horrid and worried that something would go wrong or I'd be carp at being a mum (in my first pregnancy), my OH who is the best in the world (IMO!) kept telling me how amazing I looked pregnant but nothing would convince me I wasn't a total blob and particularly with my last pregnancy my libido took a complete nosedive. Can't imagine my mum undermining my confidence like yours but I would use the excuse of pregnancy hormones and tell her to butt out in no uncertain terms then burst into tears!

But it's all worth it - my children are amazing and despite never thinking I wanted kids until I got with my OH 3 1/2 years ago I now have a 26 month old and a nearly 3 week old!!!! I found that slipped into motherhood as if I'd always been waiting for the opportunity and all my fears throughout pregnancy that I'd be no good at it/couldn't cope were completely unfounded. With DD I put on masses of weight and took about 8 months to get back to almost pre pregnancy size this time with DS he was just bump and I'm already back in some pre pregnacy clothes - everyone and every pregnancy is different. Have to say though I am very pleased not to be pregnant anymore and with one of each flavour I am NOT doing it again! Just remember the end result will be worth it and do what I did and keep telling yourself it's only 9 months even though it might feel like forever at the moment.

So sorry to hear about your friend's baby, A friend of mine had a miscarriage at 6 weeks while I was pregnant with DD but she still wanted to be involved and talk about baby stuff and see my DD when she was new even though she had her own personal hurt. (She has since had a little boy). Don't know at what point she was at when she lost the baby and how she is doing but maybe find a tactful way to ask if she still wants to be involved as not everyone wants to block it all out.

whitewing

I couldn't get my DH to read/talk much about pregnancy, but he knew it all after the baby was born! Focus on the stuff he does good for you, it'll save your sanity.

Tell your mum that if she persists in being rude then you won't see her at all because she's spoiling your pregnancy.

pigpen

my OH is fairly unsupportive too.. he is, to put it quite mildly.. absolutely $h!tting blue bricks! .. and he was even worse with the last one which was his first.

To most men the baby isn't real until it is a tangible little person he can hold in his hands and see with his eyes.. to him, you are just round.. and hormonal.. He cannot feel it moving, or carry the weight, oor have the crazy hormones or sleepless nights so he definitely cannot understand why you cannot just get on like normal.

Your mother.. tell her to sod off.. seriously.. you need to offload on her head.. all of it.. you aren't fat, you are pregnant.. if she doesn't want a fat daughter you don't want a rude ignorant abusive mother who puts you down and makes you feel bad.. TELL HER! My mother has been better this pregnancy after I gave her a lecture last time about her attitude and rudeness..

As for OH.. I'd be turning the power off at the wall.. mine is a WoW addict so I know what it is like I really do.. but we come first, he might not think so but I insist.. if I want him to do something he will, he will help he has no choice.. family is a joint effort not a 'me do everything and you sit there being a geek' You need to take him out of the house and tell him.. or better still take him to one of the antenatals and get the MW to tell him.. and you need to stop just doing stuff.. stuff the garden.. the damn green stuff just keeps n growing.. let it get jungle like.. and when he moans tell him to go sort it you cannot, will not and simply are not doing everything.. he isn't disabled he can do it. As long as you are willing to get on and do his stuff he will let you.

Become the hormonal loon they are wanting you to be, have a strop throw your toys, stamp you feet if you have to.. try talking nicely first you may be surprised.

smileyface26

Hi Turtle,
firstly i think its important to say you're not alone, although it's very easy to feel that way. I myself am 32 weeks pregnant and often have blue days - lets call it hormones!!

We all need our hubby's to be mega supportive during pregnancy, and it's so hard not to say "You don't know what it's like". But as a previous poster said earlier, try and think about the positives and the things he does! (Granted, thats hard when you feel like you're still doing everything!)

I'm sure you have seen it, but there is an active thread on here full of pregnant women at different stages, MSE Pregnancy Club 21. Maybe become active on there, it can be a nice way to rant and to discover that there are others feeling the exact same.....which sometimes can really boast morale.

relic

Tell your OH to get off his !!!!, and grow up!

As soon as my partner told me she was pregnant, everything changed for me, i'll admit I played games / poker a lot, but even though we're 6 months away from the due date I have realised I needed to change and be a better boyfriend.

I can't imagine my partner being 25 weeks and feeling this way, whilst I was playing a game. I'll admit sometimes it is a bit much to think about, but then I realise i'm not the one who has to carry the baby!

make_me_wise

Turtle2010 wrote: »

I'm still doing all the shopping / cleaning / working full time / looking after our dog / gardening while he works full time too, he spends his days off golfing or playing PC or Playstation games. His job is stressful....but then so is mine.

My mum however, is the biggest shock for me. The biggest upset for me at the moment is her constant criticism of my changing body. I have been getting swollen legs and ankles since early on....and she thinks I look like the back end of a bus. She's always comparing me to pregnant celebrities, you know, the ones who stay a size 6 everywhere else and just have a tiny wee bump right up to 9 months. Jenni Falconer for example is due the same time as me....the other day I was told "she's tiny, nothing like you at all!!". Thaks mum, I already feel like a whale. Yesterday someone in the family asked if I had any cravings yet, and she butted in with "no, just food, hahaha!!" I felt so rubbish. I've not been stuffing my face at all and I haven't put on an enormous amount of weight....infact my midwife is really happy with my weight gain / general health, isn't that the mail thing? Everyone thinks I am neat, mum thinks I am huge and should be embarrased....and in no uncertain terms tells me so every time she sees me. She has ALWAYS had a problem with my weight (I am 5'7 and a size 12 - 14) and has had screaming matches with me in the past about "not wanting a fat daughter"

Okay here is a huge (((hug))) because I think you deserve it. Pregnant or not, I dont get why all the household chores etc seem to be down to you. You both work full time in stressful jobs so why do you get landed with everything at home as well. I think you have been far to willing to do the lot up till now. At 25 weeks gone its no wonder its all getting too much hun.

We hear about what hubby does on his days off. What about you? Do you have time to just relax and do something for yourself. If not start delegating and refuse to do it all on your own from now on. You are his wife not his skivvy.

As for your mum, well words fail me. What is the matter with her? To be honest I am disgusted at the way she treats you. The only one who should be embarrased is her for being so downright nasty. Next time you see her tell her so.

It is quite common for pregnant women to suffer from swollen ankles etc. Your mum should be more concerned that you are fit and healthy and not be so shallow as to concentrate solely on your changing shape.

At 5'7 and a size 12-14 you sound perfectly in proportion. Its horrendous that your mum sees fit to scream at you about not wanting a fat daughter. If she had done that to me Id be screaming back that I didn't want such an ignorant bint for a mother. She wouldn't have seen me for dust.

Stand up for yourself and start claiming the respect you deserve hun. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

abacus73

There is one good thing to being 25 weeks pregnant - you can have the mother of all hormone charged meltdowns and get away with it. Start with your mother, she sounds like she deserves a major telling off.

Then with what energy you have left tell hubby to get off his !!!! and get in the real world. What kind of bloke sits on his backside happily letting his heavily pregnant wife run herself into the ground working full time and doing all the household jobs.

You will feel so much better for it

worbikeman

Turtle2010 wrote: »

She's always comparing me to pregnant celebrities, you know, the ones who stay a size 6 everywhere else and just have a tiny wee bump right up to 9 months. Jenni Falconer for example is due the same time as me....the other day I was told "she's tiny, nothing like you at all!!". Thaks mum, I already feel like a whale. Yesterday someone in the family asked if I had any cravings yet, and she butted in with "no, just food, hahaha!!" I felt so rubbish. I've not been stuffing my face at all and I haven't put on an enormous amount of weight....infact my midwife is really happy with my weight gain / general health, isn't that the mail thing? Everyone thinks I am neat, mum thinks I am huge and should be embarrased....and in no uncertain terms tells me so every time she sees me. She has ALWAYS had a problem with my weight (I am 5'7 and a size 12 - 14) and has had screaming matches with me in the past about "not wanting a fat daughter".

I think your mum needs to have a word with herself. I havent a clue who Jenny Falconer is but I googled the name and those photos look positively anorexic. Blokes dont like skellingtons much! (just a blokes perspective):)

Agutka

Your mum is a... a... a poopooface!
I thought my mum was bad! She has issues and they are HER problem, so just block it out and make her pay for everything

Just because you are pregnant, I assure you you look amazing. Don't you just love the fact there's a little human inside you? Wow. I always comment on sizes, but that's more to do with how much it's gonna hurt coming out. I would never call a pregnant woman 'fat'. Stupid thing to say.

As for hubby, methinks that's normal! Mine cared if I was unwell, but didn't look after me as such, work is so hard on the boys. Don't even get me started on the six months it took him to realise there was a baby in the house.

These hormone things are going to affect you now and after the baby is here, so just go with the flow. Cry it all out and don't worry!