Upset after hen night

RainbowDrops

There's no way I'd want people my Wedding that make me feel unhappy - it's supposed to be the happiest day of the life, so you should remove any potential stresses & upsets.

While I think these things are better done in person, I understand if you are timid that it's easier to put your thoughts down on email.

I've made some suggested changes:

deef wrote: »

I feel I must send you an email to explain how upset I am by the way you acted this weekend.

Throughout the whole time we have been friends, I have always been hurt by the way you have made fun of me for the choices I have made and the way I live my life. However, as we have the shared experience of being abroad and all of the memories that come with that, I have always tried to ignore this and rise above it for the sake of maintaining the friendship.

Nevertheless, last weekend has showed me that this friendship has run its course, we have nothing in common any more and you have no respect for me.

You will probably think I am overreacting as you will never understand how upset I felt on Saturday night. You made it clear that the night, my company and my friends were too tame and boring for you to tolerate and you left, despite the fact you had made the journey to celebrate my hen night and that we hadn’t seen each other for over a year.

This has led me to make the decision to uninvite you to my wedding, because I don't want people there to upset me like you di at my hen do.

I am very lucky as I have some wonderful friends that treat me well and make me feel good about myself. On my wedding day, I only want to be surrounded by friends and family that make me feel this way and wish the very best for me and my fianc!. Unfortunately I don’t believe that you fall into this category and if you came to the wedding I would be reminded of how devastated I felt on Saturday and I really don’t want to feel so low on what is meant to be the happiest day of my life. DELETE THIS BIT - IT TAKES AWAY FROM THE POINT YOU ARE MAKING

I understand that you may have already booked transport and I’m sorry if this puts you out of pocket. However, I paid for the hotel on Saturday so perhaps that evens it out. DELETE THIS BIT TOO - you don't really want to be appologising to them considering their behaviour.

dawnebabe

I too am sorry you had such an awful hen-do because of 3 very selfish & disrespectful people.

I would have no problem in uninviting them from the wedding, as already mentioned.

I think your email is best way of doing this if you can't face phoning them, I too think it does need to be clearer that they will no longer be invited to the wedding.

I would agree with kazd & Rainbowdrops about the last sentence, they don't deserve apologies, so would delete this bit too.

Send the email, & then relax and have a wonderful wedding, without worrying about 'so-called friends' x

Mrsanders

I too agree with what everyone else here has said, I really feel for you and just reading this has made me feel soooo angry for you so I dread to think how its making you feel!

I would definately un-invite them, they are no friends to treat you like that and they sound very immature to be honest and it would not suprise me in the slightest if their behaviour is a lot to do with the fact that they are jealous of what you have.

Robinred

Hi, sorry to hear about your hen night. You sound as though you are being very philosophical and it's great that you've got a bunch of decent mates. I agree with what others have said on here, uninvite them, an email will be less stressful for you, and a good idea to be really clear about uninviting.

Maybe it would be a good idea to ask in the email for them to reply just to let you know that they have received it? You don't want to be worrying that they haven't read it and will just turn up! If they don't reply after a while you could get a friend to be your secretary for 5 minutes and ring them up to check.

I think although we feel quite confident about breaking up with boyfriends/partners if the relationship is not right, we often don't feel that confidence about ending friendships but logically it is the same sort of thing: if it's not right it shouldn't be there. I'm sure you will have a wonderful wedding with all the right people around you enjoying your day.

mountainofdebt

If you send it using Microsoft Office ask for a delivery receipt and a read receipt....I think you can ask for a read receipt that doesn't require the reader's permission to be sent (if that makes sense!)

jenhug

have you ever told them before how their behaviour makes you feel? you have accepted their behaviour in the past, and obviously cared for them to some degree, do they not deserve the change to explain their behaviour? I'm all for uninviting them, but if you have never told them their actions bother you then it seems a bit unfair. Its not like its new behaviour, at the end of the day.

Anglea

Hi deef,

I had a difficult situation last year with someone I knew from years ago that lived abroad and had to tell them via email they couldn't come to my house. They didn't react well to the rejection.

So if you haven't already sent the email just consider they might not reply with OK I won't attend, but could start getting difficult.

deef

Thanks for all of your advice. I've sent it. Not really sure how I feel now.
Jen - I have told them in the past but nothing changed.
Hopefully this was the right thing to do

jamsandwhich

Wow - that was decisive - well done! Keep us updated with your responses x

Robinred

Good on you deef!:)