Children's hair.

meritaten

I am a grandma and I cut my OHs Hair and both my sons ask me to cut their hair - as for the grandkids - I have only ever trimmed the fringes when DILs asked me to do so! To cut off waist length hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!! without mums permission?????? words fail me! But, having a nasty cynical mind - Do you know how much that hair would be worth?

polejunkie

meritaten wrote: »

I am a grandma and I cut my OHs Hair and both my sons ask me to cut their hair - as for the grandkids - I have only ever trimmed the fringes when DILs asked me to do so! To cut off waist length hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!! without mums permission?????? words fail me! But, having a nasty cynical mind - Do you know how much that hair would be worth?

My daughter is naturally blonde but since it was cut looks really mousy and dull. She loved having it ragged for ringlets. The thing is with my mum is she is very controlling, she cannot accept the fact we have all grown up. Neither of my siblings have children so they dont get this invasion, one lives with my dad still and our sister has just moved back in to her house and already has her room laid out to her taste ( my mums not hers) she will pass things on to me that she doesn't need but I am not allowed to get rid of it to make way for the things I want. She gave me 2 small sofa's for my new house which have seen better days and dont fit the room properly but she wont hear of me getting 1 bigger sofa I also have 2 reception rooms in my house, she donated more furniture to fill that even though I was going to use it for my business to bring in more income. She still males me feel like a child sometimes.

shelley_crow

You are an adult and first and foremost, a mother. YOU decide how your children have their hair. Would you be as accepting of their school teacher having their hair cut without your permission? What SHE wants makes no difference at all, YOU are their mother and what you say goes, they are NOT her children!

From what you've said, there is a power struggle going on here when there needn't be. If you don't want the sofas, put them on freecycle. What does it matter what she wants, does she live with you? How is she realistically going to stop you getting rid of things? If she offers you stuff you don't want, politely say no. If she persists then insist that contact with YOUR children is conducted in your home under close supervision. I'd be inclined to do this anyway, contact with grandchildren isn't an automatic right, especially as she cannot be trusted with them. How would you feel if she got their ears pierced without your consent, is this a possibility? It's horrifying to thing of the possible outcomes if she is allowed to get away with this, you would be giving her carte blanche to do whatever she feels like.

It feels hard at the moment but confronting her is the right thing. There is no possible defence for what she did.

vintage_beanpole

polejunkie wrote: »

Does any one else have this problem?

Yes, Sadie Frost apparently! (Have a Google)

Kaz2904

I would go absolutely bananas if anyone ever cut my childrens hair without my permission. I'm the one who has to do everything else for them so I should be the one who gets to do the fun stuff with them too.
DH took DS to the barbers one day while I was in bed after a night shift. We met up later in the day at his Mums for tea. I walked in and was looking at DS for ages before I cottoned on that he had let my 6 year old DS have a MOHAWK! I was absolutely speechless, I just hept saying over and over, you let my baby get a mohawk He's not done that since.
We keep DS's hair very short because he does weird stuff to it in bed if it's longer and it goes fuzzy (proper fuzzy, like fuzzy felt!). DD has had her hair from half way down her back at age 6 to shoulder length with a fringe (the night before we went on holiday). I cut that myself and I still discussed it with DH first because she's his resp[onsibility too. It was DD's idea though and she'd wanted it done for ages. Now she's 9 she has a very short bob. She had that cut in 6 weeks ago and asked the hairdresser for a fringe but the hairdresser said no because it wouldn't go right, she was right.
Blimmin nerve though, I wouldn't let your mother be alone with the children and tell her it's because she can't be trusted. Cheeky so and so!

thorsoak

If it is your mum cutting your DD's hair, then I'd ban her from being with her! "Sorry Mum - you cannot be trusted" will be enough!

And at the same time - if it's your mum's house, its her rules - your house - your rules - so if you want to get shot of all the rubbish that SHE doesn't want in HER house - just do it!

She may be your mum - but she isn't the mum of your children. You are a grown woman - act like one!

Becles

My Mam wanted to cut my daughters hair (also waist length and blonde).

My daughter and me have the same shaped face. When I was little I had a thick fringe that seemed to come from the back of my head and it looked stupid. I hated it as a child and since I was old enough to decide on my hair, I've never had a fringe.

I'd let my daughters hair grow as I didn't want her having a fringe but my Mam was keen to cut one in. I had to be firm and say she wasn't allowed to do anything with her hair as I wanted it left as it is.

I think there is a tendency to sort of behave like a child and do as you are told when you are around your parents. It's hard to stand up and say no, but I've had to do it over countless things that I didn't agree with. For example, I work mornings and she was filling my daughter full of sugar and crap on a morning, so she was bouncing around the walls and wouldn't have an afternoon nap, so I had the stress of dealing with a tired and cranky toddler at tea time! Cut the sugar and junk out, she had an afternoon nap and she was lovely right through to bed time.

Counting_Pennies_2

I would get the children to write a letter to both people.

Say they like their hair, and only want to have it trimmed when they say they do.

I think they should be old enough to say no, and you might have to teach them that.

It is a complete violation to cut their hair if they don't want it done, I had horrid times with my mother taking me to a hairdresser who ruined my hair each time I was taken to her, and despite the trauma it took until my mid teens to pluck up the courage to voice it.

They need to be given their voice and be told it is possible to say no

hth

JC9297

You still haven't told us how old the children are, I assumed at first they were very young but your description of your son suggests he is secondary school age? My 14 year old son has hair past his shoulders and there is no way anyone would be able to cut it off without a fight!

gingin_2

It's beyond my comprehension why a grandmother would think she had the right to do something so personal and dramatic. My mother stresses so much about putting my daughter's hair in a ponytail ( because she thinks she can't do it right) when she goes to stay but wants to do it that way for me and my daughter, because that's the way I do it and dd wants it, even though we never ask her to.

It would ruin any sort of bond, confidence and respect we had for each other. You owe it to your daughter to confront her over this - even though I know this wasn't really your original question!

Edited to add a nosey question - Is your mother from a different culture where perhaps elders are regarded or maybe regard themselves as head of the family?