Suspended on pay...likely to be dismissed?

ILW

Surprised the boyfriend hasn't been waiting outside to give a kicking.

dmg24

vax2002 wrote: »

Your screwed they are too bothered about the perks they get to rock the boat.
Get a sicknote for stress YESTERDAY , take the six months free pay, dont attend any meetings until you are well, which will be when the cash stops, use this time to find another job

There might not be such a thing as a stupid question, but there's certainly a stupid answer. The OP can still be dismissed whilst off sick, but if he took your advice he would have a disciplinary and excessive sickness absence on his record!

sciencegeek wrote: »

hmm, i suspect that if the story is exactly as you say it you could argue for defamation of character - after all you dont believe you have harrassed her right? Of course, you have defamed her character by claiming she has cheated on her partner too... in any case, if it went far enough you could probably request phone records from the mobile operator that will show her contacting you as well as you contacting her.

Harassment is in the eye of the beholder, not the perpetrator. Given the views of people on this thread, the OP would have great difficulty trying to persuade a court that the woman's viewpoint was unreasonable. Added to which, I doubt he has the cash to pursue such a claim (few do).

SarEl

vax2002 wrote: »

Your screwed they are too bothered about the perks they get to rock the boat.
Get a sicknote for stress YESTERDAY , take the six months free pay, dont attend any meetings until you are well, which will be when the cash stops, use this time to find another job

A sick note for stress (nor anything else) does not mean that you do not have to face disciplinary proceedings. Employers are not that stupid and they have seen it all before. And who says the OP will get "six months free pay"? At SSP rates? Menawhile the OP will certianly not get another job since they will have a reference that says "suspended pending a disciplinary for potential gross misconduct, currently off on long term sickness..."

OP, do not compound stupidity with more of it. Even if you are dismissed, theer is a chance to explain to a future employer, by telling the truth, and you may be lucky enough to be able to recover from this position. Which employers in this day and age want someone with six months sickness on their employment record, never mind a pending serious disciplinary? Because they can pick and choose their employees - and with a record like that you certainly won't be the one that they pick.

I have to agree with the others that this does not look very good, but I also have to say that there are inconsistencies in your version of events. You say that after this "incident" three months ago you both agreed to cease all contact - but you deleted her number from your phone last Wednesday? Why? What happened that made you do this last Wednesday? Because there is something missing here.

If you want us to help see if there is anything that will frame your defence and make this look better, then you had best tell us the whole story and not miss bits out. Because frankly, right now, the evidence adds up to the fact that you are a stalker! And if that's the impression that we can get from your side of the story - what do you think your employer is going to make of it?

jkkne

SarEl wrote: »

I have to agree with the others that this does not look very good, but I also have to say that there are inconsistencies in your version of events. You say that after this "incident" three months ago you both agreed to cease all contact - but you deleted her number from your phone last Wednesday? Why? What happened that made you do this last Wednesday? Because there is something missing here.

I should explain. Since the facebook incident we've been getting on very well as colleagues and friends. She accepted my apology though I have to note (I don't rem the facebook incident, I was told it was me as her friend is an IT expert and traced me. Her boyfriend thinks it was someone else she fell out with)

We argue every now and then as all friends do. There was no animosity or anything like that and things were going well. We texted each other as friends. She texted me, I texted her etc. We occasionally got the same bus, we grabbed breakfast together, breaks etc...as friends!

By last Wednesday after another argument we both decided to keep it professional and stop the texting and the emailing unless it was work related as we were both annoyiong each other. Thus, I deleted her number. She deleted mine and we've had no contact other than courteous good morning, hello type stuff since the Wednesday.

And thats it until today

dmg24

jkkne wrote: »

I should explain. Since the facebook incident we've been getting on very well as colleagues and friends. She accepted my apology though I have to note (I don't rem the facebook incident, I was told it was me as her friend is an IT expert and traced me. Her boyfriend thinks it was someone else she fell out with)

We argue every now and then as all friends do. There was no animosity or anything like that and things were going well. We texted each other as friends. She texted me, I texted her etc. We occasionally got the same bus, we grabbed breakfast together, breaks etc...as friends!

By last Wednesday after another argument we both decided to keep it professional and stop the texting and the emailing unless it was work related as we were both annoyiong each other. Thus, I deleted her number. She deleted mine and we've had no contact other than courteous good morning, hello type stuff since the Wednesday.

And thats it until today

You were too drunk to recall the Facebook incident, but still with it enough to log into an old account and sent an offensive message?

You apologised for the FB incident despite even knowing if you had written it?

I don't argue every now and then with friends. I can count the number of arguments I have had with friends on one hand. Arguing is not the norm, and certainly not something that all people do.

Orville

jkkne wrote: »

I should explain. Since the facebook incident we've been getting on very well as colleagues and friends. She accepted my apology though I have to note (I don't rem the facebook incident, I was told it was me as her friend is an IT expert and traced me. Her boyfriend thinks it was someone else she fell out with)

I would love to know how her so called friend managed to trace you doing this. Poppyc0ck i reckon.

You say you delete your messages, fair enough, but it leaves you without proof that she was texting you back. Was she?. If so ask for her to show the last few months phone statements, they will show she has sent texts to you. If she says she does not have them she can probably access them on-line to get copies from the phone company.

I think you both flirted, her b/f has somehow got wind of the situ and now she is trying to get out of her side of it by claiming it's all one way from you, hence the complaint.

If he bill shows no texts from her then she has nothing to hide does she?.

maninthestreet

Your defence should be that the relationship between you and this woman was 100% consensual, and that the complaint of harasssment made by her against you has only beenlodged following a mutual agreement to end your relationship.

SarEl

I am sorry, I am obviously being dense here. I don't get it. You have a self-confessed crush on this woman. I get that you might delete the texts you got from her to free up memory. Phones don't have a lot. But e-mails? You deleted every single e-mail from a woman you fancy? Including the ones from two weeks ago, because you only fell out last week? Surely there is something, somewhere that validates what you are saying? Because her phone records won't do it. Phone records do not say what the text said, only what was sent to whatever number (assuming it isn't PAYGo) - it can't say that her response wasn't "I have told you before to **** off you creep". There isn't a single staff emember who can't witness this mutually flirtatious behaviour? Because I also doubt that an "IT expert" could trace a Facebook account - but at the same time, who else could have posted it with your details? I really do want to help, but it seems incredible that this "relationship" has gone on all this time and you have not a shred of evidence, not a single piece of it, that it was mutual. If it is internal e-mail - can IT pull back the records - everything may be saved in back-ups? There must be something or someone, somewhere, that can back up your side of this?

jkkne

SarEl wrote: »

I am sorry, I am obviously being dense here. I don't get it. You have a self-confessed crush on this woman. I get that you might delete the texts you got from her to free up memory. Phones don't have a lot. But e-mails? You deleted every single e-mail from a woman you fancy? Including the ones from two weeks ago, because you only fell out last week? Surely there is something, somewhere that validates what you are saying? Because her phone records won't do it. Phone records do not say what the text said, only what was sent to whatever number (assuming it isn't PAYGo) - it can't say that her response wasn't "I have told you before to **** off you creep".

The emails are internal and due to the nature of my work, delete every 10 days. However, our IT department can and will bring them back up.

The text thing. I find it hard to believe she'll convince anyone she was texting about 30 times a day to say !!!! off.

There isn't a single staff emember who can't witness this mutually flirtatious behaviour? Because I also doubt that an "IT expert" could trace a Facebook account - but at the same time, who else could have posted it with your details? I really do want to help, but it seems incredible that this "relationship" has gone on all this time and you have not a shred of evidence, not a single piece of it, that it was mutual. If it is internal e-mail - can IT pull back the records - everything may be saved in back-ups? There must be something or someone, somewhere, that can back up your side of this?

There are numerous members who can testify to our close-ness as friends and the flirty behaviour. Several warned us both to stop it but we foolishly ignored them.

Facebook. It wasn't done in my name. It was a created anonymous account. However, I don't for def know it was me. I'm told from the email address linked to the account that it has traced back to me from this IT guy. I genuinely don't know it was me. I am trusting her word on this from months ago.

Even one of the managers commented on our close friendship last week and we're often seen together etc as colleagues at work are.

Perhaps my ratio of texting is 2 or 3 to 1 but its because of the type of texter I am. If I forget to say something or think its unclear I text afterwards but theres evidence in my phone I do that all the time because its just the way I text. I text like I talk.

Orville

SarEl wrote: »

I am sorry, I am obviously being dense here. I don't get it. You have a self-confessed crush on this woman. I get that you might delete the texts you got from her to free up memory. Phones don't have a lot. But e-mails? You deleted every single e-mail from a woman you fancy? Including the ones from two weeks ago, because you only fell out last week? Surely there is something, somewhere that validates what you are saying? Because her phone records won't do it. Phone records do not say what the text said, only what was sent to whatever number (assuming it isn't PAYGo) - it can't say that her response wasn't "I have told you before to **** off you creep". There isn't a single staff emember who can't witness this mutually flirtatious behaviour? Because I also doubt that an "IT expert" could trace a Facebook account - but at the same time, who else could have posted it with your details? I really do want to help, but it seems incredible that this "relationship" has gone on all this time and you have not a shred of evidence, not a single piece of it, that it was mutual. If it is internal e-mail - can IT pull back the records - everything may be saved in back-ups? There must be something or someone, somewhere, that can back up your side of this?

I agree with what you say, but if she is saying she has had no contact with him at all the phone bill would have a record of her replying to him via text and also the amount of texts sent back to him. Yes you can't proove what is written, but i don't think it would look good her saying there has been no replies from her when the bills clearly could show there has been. As for Pay as you go, yeah i think you maybe right, but i would suspect the phone company could find the same information out after all it goes from one sim to another, i am sure they could trace it.

As for the rest i agree there must be a way of prooving e-mails etc were sent. As for the facebook, didn't he say it was a false account, so i would assume it does not have any of his details on it.

But thinking about it, setting up a false account to split her and the b/f up would be a good way to open the door for himself to make a move on her.