At my wits end

belfastgirl23

Just to say that the typical thing in this sort of situation is that you and your husband keep going until you literally break down, and then you have to try to seek help because the whole thing is about to fall apart and it's critical. EG one of you gets ill or whatever. Please don't let things get to this stage - you've recognised the problem and you need to be really proactive in following up with social services before things worsen. I think you need to see it in your own mind that you've reached breaking point and be polite but aggressive in getting your carers assessment. You need to keep at the forefront of your mind that this is not just about doing things for your good, in the end keeping yourselves strong is also totally in your mother's best interests as well.

You have all my admiration, this is an incredibly tough thing to do.

Deam

You are an amazing lot of people with one exception. I am overwhelmed by the messages of support and it is actually making me realise that my frustration and anguish are normal. Someone PM'd me and pointed out that we are probably grieving for the person my mum was. I think there is so much truth in that. MY DH is the light of my life and my soulmate after 23 years. I wouldnt know how to begin to explain what a kind caring man he is

I am off to put her to bed now and I am going to try and have an early night before work tomorrow.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and will post again tomorrow.

/hugs to all

McKneff

Please show this thread to your OH too so that he can feel how you have been supported (mostly)

caledonian_princess

I have nothing helpful or useful to add but I think you both need some hugs. It really can't be easy dealing with all this and my heart goes out to you both. I hope that you all find some balance in your lives.

Deam

Many thanks again for all your kindness. DH is still feeling bad because we shouted at her and isnt quite at the accepting that stress happens stage.

last night we kept toileting her every 1-2 hours and had 2 accidenrts. Got her settled in bed with the commode beside her and reminded her that it was there and to try and use it. I should add that she wears drynites pull up pants. I checked her at 12 md and she was dry, got her to use the commode and settled. 2am she was soaked, the wet pad was beside the bed and she wasnt wearing anything and retorted I haven'r pi***ed your bed. Don't know where that came from, that has always been her room. 3am she used the commode and I then dozed off till 5am when I get up for work, asked her if she wanted some tea and helped her to sit up and went to check her pad, it was soaked so I pulled it down and tried to get her to sit on the commode. She lashed out and told me I was trying to hurt her and make her fall.

I am ashamed that I yelled at her again as she urinated all over me as I was kneeling on the floor. I am seriously struggling with frustration atm but I would never ever hurt her although shouting is hurting her emotionally.

At my desk now in tears because she deserves better than this. I think I am using you all to just vent. I should also add that I have no siblings so we are on our own in this.

Deam x

onetomany

i find puting notes everywhere helps eg toliet lounge etc , aslo i would try to get a appointment with the memory clinic hun it sounds like dementia to me which can be helped hope you have a better day hun xxxxxxxx thinking of you

onetomany

also the doctor can give a tablet which helps with the weeing might be worth asking

belfastgirl23

No advice except to beg you not to beat yourself up over any of this. You're doing your best in very difficult circumstances and you must be exhausted as well. You need some help. Be kind to yourself!!

Errata

You're having a pretty difficult time. Could I suggest you ask a professional to teach you some coping skills so you can give your mum the help that's best for her, and for you, which will help to prevent you both getting upset. It's difficult, but remember - your mum isn't behaving this way because she wants to give you a hard time.

Mojisola

Don't forget that carers in Care Homes work shifts so that they go home and switch of from the work. Doing what you're doing 24/7 is more than most people can cope with.

I would second the suggestion to get her checked out for dementia. Some of the things you've written ring a bell with me.