At my wits end

paddy's_mum

May I just add that as the person with the day-to-day care (although I fully appreciate that you are shouldering the financial burdens) your husband is also probably feeling as under stress as you are yourself and therefore, both of you need all the help you can get.

Good luck.

onetomany

also take advatage of day centers where she will be in a safe envioment, maybe u and oh could go for lunch and have some tme out hun x

meritaten

I have just noticed that your home is still in your mums name - I would get her to sign it over to you ASAP. of course if you decide mum will NEVER go into a private nursing nursing home then it probably wont matter -but I think it would be sensible as YOU bought the place to have it transferred into your names. before there is any concern your mum is not compos mentis.

McKneff

meritaten wrote: »

I have just noticed that your home is still in your mums name - I would get her to sign it over to you ASAP. of course if you decide mum will NEVER go into a private nursing nursing home then it probably wont matter -but I think it would be sensible as YOU bought the place to have it transferred into your names. before there is any concern your mum is not compos mentis.

Sorry but its too late for signing over the house, deprivation of assets covers it, now and for at least the next 7 years. Whether she is compus mentus or not. No matter who bought the place the place is in mums name. So it belongs to her.

Google 'deprivation of assets' it explains it all there.

Errata

Just a small correction. 7 years has nothing to do with it, that's an urban myth. (I think the 7 years applies to tax liability on someththing else).

Savvy_Sue

Errata wrote: »

Just a small correction. 7 years has nothing to do with it, that's an urban myth. (I think the 7 years applies to tax liability on someththing else).

You're right. 7 years is Inheritance Tax: if Mother's estate is over the IHT threshhold, then it's reduced by the value of any gifts she's made in the last 7 years of her life. On a sliding scale. But I think there's a limit to the value of those gifts, and it's less than the value of a house.

Theoretically, the local authority / benefits people can go back as far as they like: if they think the gift was made to enable someone to claim benefits or care to which they otherwise wouldn't have been entitled had they not made the gift, then they can act as if the gift remained with the donor.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean it's not a very good idea to check on the implications of the ownership of the house, and to take some other steps. For example, has Mother ever done a Power of Attorney, either the old or the new form, so that if she becomes incapable of managing her affairs you can do it for her? does Mother have a will, and does it reflect what she wants NOW rather than what she might have wanted when she made it?

If the answer's no to either of them, the next one is, does Mother have 'capacity' to do anything about either of those? That's a technical term: she doesn't have to have it all the time, but she must have it at the time she either grants PofA or makes a new will. If she understands what's what in the mornings, for example, that would be the time to make an appointment. If she's more together in the afternoons, then go for that.

Difficult questions to raise, but I'd suggest raised they must be ...

Pee

You need and deserve respite care. Please find out what would be available. Social services, depending on the person you speak to, can be really helpful. I think you and your Oh are doing a great job and no wonder you are stressed and angry.

Savvy_Sue

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Your post is highly inappropriate in my opinion.

I agree, and I'd urge all right minded posters to use the Report function on the picture above the post by Plans (if it's still there!)

Pee

If your mum did need to go into full time care, you may well find the house is disregarded due to you and your Oh living there as your only home due to your ages. It must be disregarded over a certain age, which might be 60, but in these circumstances I would expect to see it disregarded. (Because of the length of time you have lived there, care given etc.)

elaine12022

Not sure about this but you may be able to register an interest in the property even if it stays in your mum's name.

I wish you all the best, you both sound amazing, and your mum is lucky to have you. She may not realise how you are struggling (and the emotional stress is exhausting in itself). My MIL was struggling last year when my FIL took ill, and has now ended up in a home. She somehow 'expected' my husband to be able to do & be there when she wanted, and she too would not & will not accept help from most people (even when offered). Luckily after a new hip she is able at the moment to look after herself.

Of course you miss your 'real' mum,my husband is 'missing' the man his father used to be.