Working to live or living to work?

RadoJo

I don't think that spending time together is 'wasting' it either - it sounds as though the feeling that you 'should' be doing things may be distracting you from the fact that you obviously enjoy chilling out and enjoying your time together. Organising a couple of things in advance, or trying to get one big project underway every so often might be all the balance you need not to feel as though life's passing you in a blur of lazy days and not doing much.

Spendless

You have plenty of 'leisure time' but you seem to use a lot of it on 'lazing around' getting up late, leisurely breakfasts, chill out time. Not that there's anything wrong with that but if you want to start doing different activities on a weekend somethings going to have to give.

Unless you are both really untidy and unorganised your housework should be a doddle, with no kids to undo what you did earlier! There's a flylady thread on the oldstyle board, use that to give yourself a routine. Have one pot meals a couple of times a week, eg lasagne to save on washing up. Allocate an area/tupperware box where you put grocery items for packed lunches and do similar in the fridge. Packed lunches should take minutes to prepare. Use Friday nights for something other than 'collapse on the sofa, thank goodness the working week is over'. Do your housework then, or go grocery shopping if you don't fancy doing it online or use that time as your couple time, to take in a show, go out for a meal or to the local pub. Make some weeks that you just ring a parent for a catch up and a natter, if visits are cutting into your schedule.

MrsE_2

Snuggles wrote: »

So I was wondering, what do you do with your weekend? Is it just us or is what I am describing fairly common? I have this idea that everyone else is off doing exciting things every weekend, or are most people just getting on with the necessary stuff?

Exactly the same as you, IO don't know where people with multiple hobbies find the time & energy.

My husband & I have recently seperated. I think a part of what lead to it was him becoming fed up with "living to work":(

CH27

You need to get more organised in the week.
Have your shopping delivered.
Wipe the kitchen over every night when you've finished dinner.
Wipe the bathroom over each day.

There is nothing wrong with having a lie in etc but you have to accept that is your choice.

Your working life is no different form many other people. You just need to organise yourselves.

welshgirl78

Cleaner wise, we pay £35 for 2 women for 1 and half hours each, (3 hours in total) every fortnight. They are from an agency and therefore more expensive than average but I am happy to pay that because
a) Someone will always come
b) They are proper "working" some of my friends feel their cleaners are happy to chat etc even though they are paying for the time.

They deep clean the kitchen and bathroom then clean the other rooms on a rota basis but the living room always gets done. They move furniture to hoover. We tend to have a good tidy up before they come so they can just get on with it. I have never asked them about ironing, cleaning the oven etc as I don't mind doing that, it's just the bulk of the cleaning.

I also worried it was decadent but I love it!! I can see where others are coming from about less relaxing time etc but we like relaxing time together! so it works for us - no doubt things will change when kids come along!

Good luck with what you decide to do

Mrs_Z

Hi there - sounds very familiar like us except....

Our commuting times are slightly less, about 1h each way (both of us) - but we're out the door at 6am/7am and back 6pm/7pm because we work long hours. We got no kids either, and quite frankly - would not want to have them in this sort of routine. Both of our parents live abroad, so no time is taken by family visits (those are done on holidays) but we both go to the gym about 3 times per week and I'm also doing evening classes one evening per week after work.

We have a cleaner - we pay her £30 for 3hrs; she does the general cleaning but no ironing, oven, windows, etc. We do have couple of cats so that keeps on top of it.

I find it hard at times and like you, resent the amount of time work takes out of my life. I'd much rather spend my time gardening, horse riding, etc but I've made this choice conciously so have to accept the sacrifices too. I hope that I'll be able to retire in comfort though!

FBaby

It also very much depend on the type of job you do. I used to have a demanding, but manageable job. I was exhausted, but that's because I was working FT, communting and looking after my 2 children. With the reorganisation of the company, things have become unmanageable though. 1 person does the job of three and the days are just totally manic. I leave home at 7:15, drop the kids to school at 7:45, get to office at 8:30, and from that time to 4:30-5:00, it is non stop meetings, responding to 100s of emails, dealing with colleagues without 10 minutes break. I always intend on taking a little bit of a break for lunch, but 9 times out of 10, I eat whilst responding to emails. Then there are children activities on 1 night, and so we are rarely home until 6-6:30pm, then of course there is dinner to prepare for the kids, clearing up, homework, pestering to shower, go to bed etc...

I am constantly exhausted. I make myself sleep 8 hours a night or I know I will collapse, but I usually start yawning from 3pm. Weekends are spent balancing duties, friends (you have to see them once in a while for them remain so!), and trying desperately to rest. I usually start feeling a bit more normal by the end of the afternoon Sundays, but then starts the chores, ironing, preparing for Monday, and on and on it goes.... Holidays not much difference in that it usually take between 2 and 3 days to feel right back to where I was before going!

I really wish I could do things differently, but at the moment it isn't an option. It's leaving me very upset at the moment, which leads to some emergence of bitterness which makes me angry with myself... Oh dear, my post is just depressing, not helping!!! My only advice is to do what I struggle to, don't feel guilty and don't feel you have to force yourself to go out if you don't feel up to it. No point to add stress onto the week-ends!

Hagar_uk

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Interestingly, having children forces people to use their time more effectively as spending quality time with the kids is so important.

You would think! I found out this the hardway, oddly addicted to my job, which required me to either have a 70 hour week with the commute, or live during the week in london, and a new born baby back home. Only saw the error of my ways, now that I have been kicked out, with good reason I have to say. now that I have seperated and I lost my family unit and re-evaluated my life, I see my child more. If only I had a time machine...

make_me_wise

My hubby and I are really lucky in as much as we dont have long commutes, so although we work full time our days are much shorter than you advise yours are. This makes a big diffference in as much as one evening a week I go and do the weekly shop whilst hubby starts dinner.

I watch the weather reports carefully and if it is forcast to be good I do a load of washing and then put it on airers to put out in the garden the next day to dry. This may make me sound awful but I just fold it neatly and put it away and then iron it as we need it. Cant be arsed standing at an ironing board for a couple of hours clearing a huge pile of clothes.

A couple of nights a week whilst dinner is cooking I tidy, dust and put the hoover round upstairs, hubby does downstairs. If Kim and Agi popped round I doubt we would get gold stars but the house is neat and tidy and comfy.

So weekends tend to be free for doing things we enjoy rather than getting on with chores. There are times when we cnat be bothered going out and about, like if the weather is poor. On the whole though we get out there and have fun. A change of scene and relaxing outdoors is a great tonic and we come home feeling refreshed and ready for the week ahead.

Life as we know it is going to change completely next January when a baby comes along so we are making the most of things as a couple now.

kettlefish

I have read this thread with interest and just though I'd add my thoughts.

Like others suggest, why not get a cleaner? Your time each week is waaaay more valuable than £20 if you are able to have freedom at the weekends, and enjoy life more. And please start to order your groceries online - this has been a godsend to us. We just pick up bread and milk etc on the way home from work now. At the very least, don't do your shopping on your day off (incidentally, everyone else's day off - so it takes longer!) It could easily be done in the evening.

Cut the family visits in half if you can - once a fortnight for an extended visit should be plenty! If they live locally, why not go round for a Chinese or something in the week on the week you're not seeing them at the weekend?

BOOK THINGS IN ADVANCE. I cannot stress how important this is for us. If you have booked and paid for it, you will go. Doesn't have to be much, but a cinema ticket or a train to a different town can easily be booked online, and sometimes makes it cheaper.

If you like your "chill out in dressing gown" days (we do!) then why not make it more of an event - we often have a carpet picnic and rent a DVD on a Sunday which somehow feels like we've had more quality time than just sitting in the same room doing our own thing.

Make the most of the lighter evenings. If you have a garden, why not have your tea "al fresco" with a glass of wine, or go for a wander down to the local pub. This only has to take an hour or so but feels like a break from the old routine.

These are just some bits that my DH and I do - it does take planning but once it becomes part of your routine it will be easy I promise!