Working to live or living to work?

Snuggles

Bambywamby wrote: »

IMO life is too short to lose 3 hours a day commuting. It's a horrible waste of time and in general makes you tired and cranky. If I was your other half I would look for another job, move closer to where work is or move away from the area to a new job. I know that sounds simple and somewhat of a throw away comment but in life you can never regain that time lost commuting and the knackeredness you feel at the end of the day loses you even more quality time. Yes it would take short term sacrifice and upheaval but I think worth it in the long run. x

I totally agree, I really hate that he has to spend so much of his day commuting. He says he doesn't mind (he's been doing it for 2+ years), but I know it is tiring for him, and I know it would improve our quality of life if we could change it. He used to live five minutes from where he worked, but moved to be with me.

The problem is we both have very specialised jobs and earn similar amounts, so it's not easy for either of us to find alternative work. My OH certainly couldn't, so it would mean me (reluctantly) leaving my job, trying to sell the house, and moving nearer to OH's work. The trouble is, I wouldn't be able to find similar work (due to how specialist my job is), and wouldn't be able to earn anywhere near what I earn now. This would leave quite a hole in our finances. We are trying to get ourselves into the position where this will be financially viable, but it will take time. So we are stuck with the commute for now.

Snuggles

GoldenJill wrote: »

I think you'll find a lot of people who feel like this. Some people say 'I feel guilty for wasting a day' but to me, a day relaxing and chilling out with the one you love or simply unstressing yourself is the most furtherest thing from a waste. Just becasue you don't actually do something outside doesn't mean it's a waste. If you feel like you do want to do something, why not plan one Sunday a month where you actually do go out and do something. Make yourselves stick to it for two months - see how you feel after the two mnoths and if you enjoy it, then continue and maybe even add another day a month to do this - but if you don't enjoy it, you don't enjoy it.

Thank you for this! I have to say that we both do really enjoy spending time together at home. But I am also becoming increasingly conscious of time marching relentlessly on (must be an age thing!) and I think we tend to put off things thinking that we've got the rest our lives to do things and go places. But who knows how long that is, and I don't want my life now to be just about work, which is kind of how it feels.

I think the one Sunday a month thing is a really great idea, it sounds do-able and a good way to start!

welshgirl78

CLEANER!!! Seriously! We both work hard and enjoy our jobs (well me more than him!) and earn reasonable salaries. I umm and ahhed for ages thinking I could do it perfectly well myself but I can't describe how much difference it has made!

I am a teacher so generally get home before my OH but I used to really resent having to clean, do the washing, general tidying etc every day, plus more at weekends and although he helps I always had to initiate it. Now the bulk of the cleaning is done, I don't mind doing the clothes washing, I refuse to pick up his clothes so they pile up until I remind him the cleaner is coming the next day (or if people are visiting) but that's fine as it isn't my problem. I cook, he cleans up the kitchen and I don't mind a quick swoosh and tidy up when I get in as I know that it will be cleaned properly.

It has made a massive improvement to our lives I LOVE our cleaner!! Now weekends are for relaxing, visiting etc - jobs get done in the week (go shopping after work or get online deliveries). The worst part of relaxing was guilt that I should be doing something else but now I'm fine with it! The other thing we do to improve weekends is go out for a meal on Fridays (usually early! and not every week!) but then you feel you have done something with your weekend before you even start!

Good luck with your home / work balance, you need to work to live not the other way round!!

sweetilemon

Well we both have no commute (couple of streets away) but leave 7.30/8 and get home 6/7 so weekends are spent either overtime or more commanly food shopping one day and housework another. fri & sat nights we go out or stay up later but catch up on sleep for the following weeks work. groundhog day.

property.advert

I have a long commute, over 3 hours a day. Can't help it, just he way it is. What you can do however is use things like internet shopping to get the homogeneous groceries in, leaving only a bit of fresh stuff to pick up later. Find some time in the week at work to do the household paperwork, even on the train if you can. Take the strain out of the weekend and free up more time then.

I haven't succeeded totally but we're getting there.

Blue_Monkey

OP - you sound just like me and OH!!

We're actually living in Australia at the moment, so our life now is a bit different, but when we were at home our routine was pretty much identical to yours. My door-to-door work commute was about 1.5 hours, so I'd leave just after 7am and get home just before 7pm. OH worked more locally, but was usually out by 6.30am and home by about 5.30pm so similar to you guys. My parents are divorced too, so we have 3 sets of duty-visiting to do!


Here's my tips:

- Get a cleaner to save you on the housework. You'd probably only need someone for a couple of hours once a fortnight.
- Do your food shopping online for sure.
- Plan stuff. We find if we've not got anything booked in we tend to faff around and achieve !!!!!! all.
- Do something mid-week. Whether it's an Orange Wednesday at the cinema, dinner round the parents, quick drink with friends, picnic with OH in the park. It really helps break up the week.
- Use some annual leave to take a well-earned day off once in a while.
- Don't feel guilty for enjoying your quiet time, you clearly both work hard and if chilling out doing not a lot is what you want to do, then so be it.
- Perhaps consider taking a Time Management class or getting a book on it?

Good luck, BM x

Snuggles

Thanks so much for all the comments and suggestions! I feel better knowing it's not just us, and there are some good ideas for how we could free up some time.

I am really tempted by the idea of getting a cleaner. It would be great not to have to worry so much about housework - it feels like it's constantly hanging over me that x,y and z needs doing.

Those of you have them, can I ask how often they come, for how long, and what exactly they do? And if you don't me asking, how much it costs? It's not something I have any experience of, so I'm not sure what would be expected.

It seems really decadent somehow, but if I could get my head round it and not feel guilty about it, I think it would make a big difference to us.

Mojisola

Snuggles wrote: »

Those of you have them, can I ask how often they come, for how long, and what exactly they do? And if you don't me asking, how much it costs? It's not something I have any experience of, so I'm not sure what would be expected.

This is a "piece of string" question, really.

Some cleaners will do whatever you want - tidying up, washing, ironing and cleaning. Others want to come into a tidy house and just do cleaning.

You have to decide what you want doing and find someone who suits you.

Prices will vary around the country. Paying someone direct will be cheaper than an agency but, as the cleaner will be coming in while you're out and will need a key, you must be sure he/she is trustworthy.

Souk08

Hi snuggles my friends in London have a cleaner as they have long work days and they love her. She comes once a week for 2 hours I think and they pay her about £20 but say it saves them having to mop floors etc.

The long commute must be hard but like you say, it wont be forever. I tend to try to batch cook on Sundays so I can have something nice but easy in the week. I also plan something mid week, usually a cheap dinner out or having friends/family round for a meal. I hate the thought of living to work and love seeing friends, but it does mean that I have to be organised with cooking and laundry etc. HTH X

mrcow

I work and have three children. If i stayed in bed/wasted as much time as in your opening post, I'd never get anything done!

It's got nothing to do with your jobs - 12 hours a day is a pretty standard time to be away during the week. It's that you're doing nothing with your time when you're at home. Two adults in a house - seriously that's practically no cleaning time or organising. You've actually listed shopping as a weekend "activity" - sheesh - one of you do it on your way home from work one night. Start getting busy and you'll find that you have much more time for things. Lazying around on a Saturday is fine, but then don't then wonder where your day has gone.

You are right - there is a world out there. Get planning. where do you want to go? What do you want to do? What do you want to see? Start planning it and booking it.

My mother was right, "If you want something done, give it to a busy person". Having children certainly sharpens your time mangement skills!