Assertiveness :(

amalis

Hi all,

this is my 2nd job where I am told that I am not assertive enough meaning I don't speak up for myself and not strong enough to deal with people who offend me.
I am reading a lot about assertiveness, but reading is not enought. I can never put theory into practice
what do I do?

relic

amalis wrote: »

Hi all,

this is my 2nd job where I am told that I am not assertive enough meaning I don't speak up for myself and not strong enough to deal with people who offend me.
I am reading a lot about assertiveness, but reading is not enought. I can never put theory into practice
what do I do?

Do what I do every morning.

Stand in front of a full length mirror, and say "You da man!".

Plans_all_plans

Hi, who has told you you're not assertive enough: a manager or colleague?

If it's a manager, it's not good enough for them to say this and not follow up with additional support.

You need to start asserting yourself to them (!), maybe in a jokey manner if you're more comfortable with that, maybe something like "well, I'll start by asserting myself to you then...how do you expect to help me gain more assertiveness?! Are there any courses I can go on or tips you can give me?"

What is your role?

amalis

It was a manager who told me. Not the 1ast time. In my previous job I was told the same and we decided that I may benefit from courses, but it was never followed up as there was no budget for such things.
In this job my role is quite senior, but apparently being a brilliant specialist I am not able to manage juniors and to make them respect me.

Errata

Ask for some management training.

Plans_all_plans

How long have you been in this new job? Obviously they felt you'd be a good manager or they wouldn't have employed you. What in particular are the juniors doing that they shouldn't be?

Part of the problem with not being assertive is when "courses are never followed up because of budget constraints" you are unlikely to cause a fuss to get them. You need to keep on at them to get what you want (and what they think you need) otherwise they'll be paying out for other (pushier) people to go on courses instead of you. Even if it's just a weekly email to your manager chasing it up.

amalis

Juniors argued with my decisions a couple of times and showed some attitude. They can not overrule my decision so I just let these things so, although I was hurt deep inside. But I had to make them understand who the boss is. I did not. Nothing big in partiular, but such small things daily
I am 6 month in this job, enjoing it and other than that management is pleased with my results

ERICS_MUM

amalis wrote: »

It was a manager who told me. Not the 1ast time. In my previous job I was told the same and we decided that I may benefit from courses, but it was never followed up as there was no budget for such things.
In this job my role is quite senior, but apparently being a brilliant specialist I am not able to manage juniors and to make them respect me.

If it's a large firm I would definitely ask them to pay for a training course for you, either for assertiveness or man management. Why not check with a local college to see if they have such classes, then ask your boss if the firm will pay for you to attend.

If you've got a team of staff that you are directly responsible for, have you had the "team talk" with them to set out what you expect of them and what they can expect from you. Also how you expect them to treat you and their team mates with respect blah blah. I always did this when I moved job, just to establish the ground rules and the fact that I was in charge but approachable.

It's difficult managing junior staff at first, don't give up because it can be very rewarding once you can make them into a good and effective team.


Linda

DVardysShadow

Answer these questions:

• give a situation where you have recognised you needed to be assertive
• what should you have done?
• what did you do?
• why did you not do what you were supposed to do?

It is easier to get some insight if things are specific.

amalis

Well, it is a bit more complicated. I have no team reporting to me, but I am supposed to be mentoring and overseeing junior staff in my dep.
Ok, for example ,the other day I asked a junir to bring me a box of post it notes (coz she was going to vault anyway),. She brought it and just threw it on my table. I consider such behaviour inaproppriate, but I havn'e said a word

Plans_all_plans

Ok, well she is rude for doing so. Has she done other things to be rude to you? If it is a one off incident with her, I'd let it lie (she could have been preoccupied/not thinking, rather than trying to show you disrespect) If it is part of a wider pattern of behaviour, I think you should arrange a meeting with her to tell her you're not happy with her attitude towards you and what the consequences will be if she continues.