Assertiveness :(

abacus73

amalis wrote: »

Juniors argued with my decisions a couple of times and showed some attitude. They can not overrule my decision so I just let these things so, although I was hurt deep inside.

I see it this way. The juniors feel comfy in your company and they feel they can disagree with you and put their opinions forward. Proving you are an approachable manager who values other people, a real strength, there are plenty who don't. Differing opinions and views is a healthy thing in a workplace and can add alot of value to assessing a situation.

Where you are coming unstuck is that they showed some attitude. If a junior had done that to myself I would have said something like 'I value your opinions and ideas, will take them on board, evaluate whether they are appropriate at this time and keep you informed. However if you show me that kind of rude attitude again we will need to speak about your proffessional conduct, its not acceptable'.

You sound like a nice person who isn't being shown respect and you should feel able to stand up for yourself and recieve it from these colleagues.

Hard_up,_not_happy

amalis wrote: »

Well, it is a bit more complicated. I have no team reporting to me, but I am supposed to be mentoring and overseeing junior staff in my dep.
Ok, for example ,the other day I asked a junir to bring me a box of post it notes (coz she was going to vault anyway),. She brought it and just threw it on my table. I consider such behaviour inaproppriate, but I havn'e said a word

That behaviour is inappropriate. Personally this is how I would have handled it. After post it notes had been thrown I would have said in a calm, assertive way 'Excuse me xxxx could I have a word with you please. Thank you for getting me the post it notes. Next time could you place them on my desk rather than throw them at me. After all that would be the polite thing to do'. Then you smile and hold eye contact, whilst rude individual has ball in their court to respond to you.

How exactly is a junior going to respond to that, coming from someone who is after all senior to her? She can and most likely will give you the finger and mumble all kinds once she is out of your sight. Whilst in the office with you I expect she would have given the apology you deserved. She would also most likely think twice before treating you like that again, knowing you wont stand for it.

ERICS_MUM

amalis wrote: »

Well, it is a bit more complicated. I have no team reporting to me, but I am supposed to be mentoring and overseeing junior staff in my dep.
Ok, for example ,the other day I asked a junir to bring me a box of post it notes (coz she was going to vault anyway),. She brought it and just threw it on my table. I consider such behaviour inaproppriate, but I havn'e said a word

If it was a one-off I would have kept it light but made the point - something like "oh dear, who's upset you today ?"

If it's a regular occurrence, the next time she plays up I would tell her to sit down at your desk and then ask her what the problem is.

I used to have young staff who were a bit off-hand or cheeky and often it just needed a "look" from me, usually over the top of my glasses! Or I'd laugh and make a little joke, their mates would snigger and I had won/made my point.

Do you have a chat with them as well, their football team, results, someone's nail polish etc so they see you as a person IYKWIM. A bit of praise goes a long way too if they make a good job of something.

Start small then build up as you have a "small success". Don't try to tackle all the issues at once ! Choose your battles - let some things go but tackle a couple of big things.

Don't take it personally -it's they who have the problem ( e.g. they can't articulate their thoughts/ideas, can't accept authority, won't learn from senior staff who could help them develop and progress in their work, poor team work) etc

These are just simple techniques that I found worked for me when I had staff, and I was comfortable with them. Make a start and you will eventually work out what works for you and what you feel comfortable with.

Good luck, dealing with staff can be tough at times.

Linda xx

Sambucus_Nigra

You are all speculating - it could be a reaction to the way she was asked, but we won't know as the OP hasn't expanded on how they asked the question.

The OP doesn't manage these people, so needs to build a relationship first - it's not about assertiveness it's about so much more than that!

amalis

I asked her really politely

DVardysShadow

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

How did you ASK for your junior to bring a box of post it notes?

I had to go and earn some money - so thanks for asking this question.

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

... The OP doesn't manage these people, so needs to build a relationship first - it's not about assertiveness it's about so much more than that!

There is a lot comes under the head of assertiveness

amalis wrote: »

I asked her really politely

Just imagine for a moment that I am a stroppy git with too many opinions and too much of a mind of my own and [just so you really have to imagine] I work for you. How would you ask me to get your post it notes?

Sambucus_Nigra

amalis wrote: »

I asked her really politely

What did you actually say?

amalis

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

What did you actually say?

I said " could you please bring me a pack of post it notes if you are going to the vault? "

Sambucus_Nigra

Ok - that's quite erm, bland?

So you don't use people's names, or have any banter with them at all?

DVardysShadow

amalis wrote: »

I said " could you please bring me a pack of post it notes if you are going to the vault?"

That's fine.

It does not justify throwing them onto your desk. To me, it indicates other issues

• Your body language or other non verbal aspects of your communication could have been conveying the wrong message from a different space
• There are other longstanding resentments or issues being expressed towards you

On the whole, if you are not too confident about what you are conveying with body language and non verbal cues, I would suggest that you don't worry too much about correcting it with other body language. Just be aware of the issue and avoid body language which invokes a negative response as best you can. And attempt to fill the communication space a bit more, by saying something, over which you have some conscious control.

If there are longstanding issues, you need to identify them and deal with them - but I tend to think that the longest standing issue is the overall communications you are giving.

Although getting the post it notes is not a matter of life and death, you do at least need to engage 100% with the person you are asking for the time you are asking and for the time which you are acknowledging their completion of the task. So you need to give eye contact and read their face - and detach yourself from whatever you are doing, to acknowledge them

I could be very wrong, but I am beginning to think that the post it notes being thrown was a subliminal attempt to get a reaction from you - which suggests that in general, you are probably not giving this person quite enough attention. Giving them attention when you don't actually want anything from them would be a good way of showing that you value them - and I imagine it might ease the issues when you do want something.