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charlie792

Hi - I don't have children myself but I can understand the situation as my parents put me in a similar situation when I was 13, taking me 200 miles away from where Id spent my life.... I found it horribly scary, the prospect of finding new friends and things like that but I think the thing that helped me was my parents included me in the decisions. At the time we were selling our house and moving into rented so it was all a bit weird for me but my parents would sit down and show me the houses on the internet which I think really helped because I felt included in everything. The same with schools, if you can maybe print out a few pages about the different schools get your daughter to look at them maybe see if she has any opinions on them, again this is something my parents did with me and although where we ended up moving to meant I couldn't go to my 'favourite' school I had a feel about it before I joined...
If your taking a trip to the new area, are you planning on your daughter coming too because I honestly think if you include her as much as possible in the situation its likely to make her feel less anxious about the whole thing....
I wont lie I found the whole thing quite hard for the first 6 months after moving but I think its made me who I am today, a lot more confident and I certainly don't regret it now......

ailuro2

Aliasojo - just spotted you have a trip to the area planned. Can I suggest you try and find time to do something she'll like while you're down in the area, something she wouldn't normally have on her doorstep that she would love - ice skating / bowling / multiplex so she has something to focus on. Get her a notebook so she can take notes on what she likes / dislikes about the places. Or give her a camera and make her the official blogger for the move.

Let her have a say in what's important in her new school too - of course she might not get the final say, but if you take her views into consideration she will feel more in control.

Get online and download some handbooks for potential secondary schools, there will no doubt be a page available listing their after school clubs - my DD is already planning which ones she will join when she moves up after the summer, though of course she has the advantage of knowing which school she will be going to, but just seeing what's available might spark her interest.

Bribery still works with my DD - is there something your DD would like to do but the money isn't available for it now - e.g. dance classes - Dad's extra income might be able to fund a new hobby for her that would give her a chance to meet up with local kids even before she starts her new school.

carefullycautious

Its a shame that you dont know which school she will be attending as you could have asked if the children from the class could write a letter to her. Almost like a pen friend welcoming her. (not sure if this would be allowed) but Im sure the teachers would help in any way they could. You could try brownie groups or even a local church.

cherrub

aliasojo wrote: »

We are to visit the general area at the end of this month in order to get a feel for the different places and maybe visit a few schools.

Aliasojo - it sounds like schooling is going to be very important in helping your daughter settle in her new home.

Can I suggest you think about putting Linlithgow Academy on your list of potential schools? It's got an excellent reputation and always seem to come out well in any of the various league tables.

You would probably have to compromise on the size of house you can afford - Linlithgow is expensive for housing mainly because of the combination of the Academy and a station on the main Edinburgh to Glasgow train line - but that may well be worth it for your daughter

There are other smaller villages such as Philipstoun and Winchburgh that are in the school catchment area and they may be more affordable. Also, I'm sure it's been in the local paper recently that the catchment area is increasing but I'm not sure in which direction.

You would also be close to Grangemouth which would also keep your husbands commuting time/cost down.

ab7167

We moved when I was 14, I went into my GCSE's in a new school. I was very shy and bullied as a child, the move was brilliant as I HAD to start talking to people. The bullying stopped as no one saw me as the natural long term target I had always been and I flourished in my new school. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. Mum would never have moves me schools without it and it turned out to be fab.

It helped that Mum let me cry and rant about it without being too falsely positive - just cuddles when I was feeling bad.

balletshoes

aliasojo wrote: »

Thanks for that.

As it happens I'm not an emotionally devoid robot, I do have my own feelings to contend with too. Clearly I let my perfect Mother face slip whilst I dealt with my own thoughts. Forgive me for being human.

I think it would be much worse if my daughter saw us all being positive whilst she was the only one who seemed upset.

As the situation stands, she knows the move will be hard for all of us, so she knows it's not something we are choosing to do lightly. It would be so much worse for her if she thought we just fancied a change and we were putting our own wants in front of her needs.

I have a few other threads on the go if you fancy another wee kick?

Forgive me aliasojo, I can kind of see where grey lady is coming from. I can comfort, sympathise and even empathise with my daughter when she's going through troubles, worries etc, without crying about it myself.
I know you are very upset about having to move too, but I honestly wouldn't have let her see me cry for 2 days about it. I would have done the bulk of my crying in private, sure she should see that it was a shock and a surprise to you too, but seeing Mum cry a lot and be so anxious over the situation, I don't think can have helped her with her own anxiety? Hopefully though you are moving forward now with your attitude to the move , and by showing your daughter this, she may eventually dread it less. When do her counselling sessions start?

lauren_1

I moved 300 miles from County Durham to Somerset when I was younger, to an adult it might seem ok but for a child it may as well be a different country.

No one could understand me, I couldn't understand them, the weather was different, the TV was different (back then it was 4 channels and regional tv) i was used to a village not a town, couldnt play out as much due to traffic, however at school EVERYONE wants to be the new girls friend!

Your DD is luckier now as keeping in touch with old friends is easy peasy via email, webcam, messenger, facebook and bbpins (i have no idea what these are but my 11 year old cousin bangs on about them on facebook constantly)

rachbc

My son moved 4 times before he was 8 - we are now somewhere we have been for the longest since he was born - I think it has made him a very adaptable, socialable and pragmatic young man. You do have to be careful not to let your own anxieties colour your daughter's experiences, and your own ability to support her.

lostinrates

rachbc wrote: »

You do have to be careful not to let your own anxieties colour your daughter's experiences, and your own ability to support her.

This is true also, but she can't undo what the child has already seen.

we can give all the support in the world, but at some point it will be easier if you make a conscious decision to feel ''better'' about this, or even ''good'' about it. Then make ypurself back that up with postive thought and positive pro-activity. This is not easy, and there is no point pretending it is, but it is easier than dragging your feet listing all the ''bad'' points and worrying.
for example, taking the negative point that your daughter is concerned about upheaval....well, this gives you the opportunity to help her deal with change positively and supportively so that it makes it easier through later transitions in her life.

we can listen to you endlessly, its part of the function of a supportive forum, but you do need not to be your own enemy in this! (edit: but that's only my opinion, and I don't expect it to be yours. of course, you need to make your own decisions and reasonings)

jenjade

right okay i have no actual experiance of this but i do have some suggestions that may help...

Could you email or phone the school and share your concerns. maybe they could ask if some of the children in her class want to make contact with her via e mail or letter to welcome her and get to know her so she has friends before she arrive?

I hate mew places, could you get some info for her on what there is to di in the area, street maps, photos of the school, and local area just to help her become familuar,

reasure her that she can easily keep in contact with her old friends via e mail, phone letter webcams etc

It is scary moving away etc so think about ways to make it easier and make sure you connumicate talk to each other ask her what she is most worried about etc look at all the positves.

Can you go to the place you are moving to for a really fun long weekend or week so she can see what it is like there?

Good luck i hope it goes well