living with someone who would have to contribute more financially

when_will_it_end

hi all

i have been seeing my BF for 5 years now, we have talked about living together in the past but due to my DD disability it never was the right time

i now think it may be the right time, so we have been discussing it again

the problem is he is in a very well paid job, i work 30 hours pay is not much more that NMW, i do recieve HB, CTC, WTC

i know that if he moved in apart from a little ctc my only other income would be my wage

i can not afford to pay half of everything as i would like to, bf says this is not a problem he is well paid and he does not mind, we will become a family, what his is mine ect.....

i feel uncomfortable about this

we have been together 5 years, we know each other very well, i can not up my hours at work due to DD needs, if anything i would love to drop a few, and finding better paid employment my self is limited due to my health problems

we have talked this through alot, the problem lies in me not him

anyone else been in this position?

any advice welcome, thanks

Tropez

I earn more than my partner and bills are split based on a percentage of our wage, which means that I pay more.

If your partner doesn't mind paying extra money towards bills then that should tell you how much you mean to him. Too many people place too much emphasis on material things and money, when the most important part of a relationship has nothing to do with that.

when_will_it_end

Tropez wrote: »

I earn more than my partner and bills are split based on a percentage of our wage, which means that I pay more.

If your partner doesn't mind paying extra money towards bills then that should tell you how much you mean to him. Too many people place too much emphasis on material things and money, when the most important part of a relationship has nothing to do with that.

i never thought of percentage so lets just say i earnt 500 and him 1500
i pay 1/3 and him 2/3

pigpen

whatever he is paying it must be less than he is paying out now.. He still has rent, CT, utilities to pay plus travel to see you., his own internet, sky, tv license.. all of these will be less outgoings for him than you pay now. so if he only pays a percentage of your household bills it will still be less than he currently pays!

Does that help?

balletshoes

when_will_it_end wrote: »

i never thought of percentage so lets just say i earnt 500 and him 1500
i pay 1/3 and him 2/3

percentage is a good way to do it, as its fair in that you're both putting the same percentage of what you earn into the household. But in your example, your total joint income is 2000, if you earn 500 of that your percentage of the household bills would be 25%, one quarter. Your OH earns 3 times as much as you do, so his percentage of the household bills is 75%, or three quarters.

pozalina

I earn a lot more than my oh, when we moved in we also did (and still do) a percentage contribution. It seemed fair to us and works. We have now been together 10 years, married for 5 and have 2 children. I don't think he had any worries about not contributing as much as I did, took it all in his stride!

fannyanna

The percentage split is the fairest in my opinion.

However, some couples are more than happy to have a split like your boyfriend has suggested. In fact this is what Hubby and I do. I earn more than him and also he has two children so has to pay child maintenance. So the majority of the bills are covered by my money but he does contribute what he can so I'm fine with that - after all we are a couple and share things.

when_will_it_end

i think the percentage thing may be the best way to go, he lives with his father at the moment his mother passed last year and he moved in to supprt him, he has been offered a transfere as well so he will not have to commute for 3 hours a day

i guess it all just felt wrong financially for me, i have lived alone for gosh 10 years its hard to then think about living with someone and sharing everything 24/7

its like the cooking, cleaning ect... its going to take me a while to adjust, but at least mum will get a break from helping as much

it is what i want i just want to stop feeling so scared

oh no i will have to share my bed every night...hmmmm...now im having second thoughts...lol

balletshoes

get a king size bed and a super-king size duvet !

Mojisola

when_will_it_end wrote: »

i have been seeing my BF for 5 years now, we have talked about living together in the past but due to my DD disability it never was the right time

i now think it may be the right time, so we have been discussing it again

the problem is he is in a very well paid job, i work 30 hours pay is not much more that NMW, i do recieve HB, CTC, WTC

i know that if he moved in apart from a little ctc my only other income would be my wage

i can not afford to pay half of everything as i would like to, bf says this is not a problem he is well paid and he does not mind, we will become a family, what his is mine ect.....

i feel uncomfortable about this

What would you feel if the situation was the other way round and he was working part-time and caring for a sick child? Would you expect him to find half of all the bills?

You could go down the percentage route if that suits you. As soon as OH and I got together, our money became "ours". It didn't matter who earned it - we were a partnership and shared what we had. I just wouldn't be comfortable if my OH was left with less money than me at the end of each month - that's more like a house share than a personal relationship.

babyb06

I agree with the perecentage based contribution - that is what OH and I do. I earn more than him, but he wanted to split bills equally, but I thought that was unfair. So I eventually persuaded him to split bills. We pay equal contribution to holidays (his decision) and nights out is a bit ad hoc - generally we each treat the other to dinner on alternate occasions rather than splitting a bill.

Each couple is different and if it was 'your' DD you wouldn't worry about your OH paying more towards the household, and you shouldn't now - if he wants to move in with you he also wants to move in with your DD and so has to accept the responsiblity that comes with that - emotional and financial. Plus if your benefits decrease because you live with him, he has to be willing to help you with that short fall - otherwise don't live together!