living with someone who would have to contribute more financially

Tropez

Mojisola wrote: »

So are you accumulating savings? If so, what for if they aren't going be used within the relationship?

We never considered any way other than our money being joint and it's interesting to see how other arrangements work.

Yes, I'm accumulating savings, we both are. I've always been one to like to save money away.

In this case, I'd like to retire when I'm 45 so a lot of my money gets put away but there's also the old addage about not knowing what the future might bring so saving just make sense.

onlyroz

catkins wrote: »

I am surprised so many of you have separate accounts and talk about paying "percentages" of bills.

That's fine if you're married, but I don't think it's quite the same when you've just started living together.

onlyroz

Mojisola wrote: »

Those of you who split bills by a percentage of salary and are left with a different amount of spending/saving money from your OH - how does this work in practice? Does the richer one indulge themselves by buying personal stuff or do they accumulate much greater savings?

In our household, the one with the greater disposable income will usually buy more of the meals out and takeaways etc. As for savings - they've always been joint, and used for (e.g.) holidays, cars, house repairs etc.

ViolaLass

My thought is that whatever you do with the finances, just because you're living together doesn't mean you have to share a bed every night.

If being in your own bed on occasion or more often than not makes you comfortable, that's fine too. Commitment isn't about sharing a duvet, however large.

Mojisola

From 74jax - I think that's a really personal question. It's not really any of our business what they are saving for. I save for things which aren't used on my relationship, it might be a weekend away with friends or something, but I wouldn't have thought I shouldn't do this as it 'isn't to be used within the relationship'

No-one has to answer if they don't want to!

We've decided to handle our money one way but it's always worth learning from other people how they do things. After all, their way might be better!

Tropez

Mojisola wrote: »

We've decided to handle our money one way but it's always worth learning from other people how they do things. After all, their way might be better!

I don't think there is any better or best way to sort these things.

If it were up to me, I'd just be paying all the bills anyway and leave my partner more money for herself and more money for her business, but my partner wouldn't stand for that. She wants her financial independence because that is what works for her and she also wants to contribute to the running of the house, which is fair enough and understandable.

I think some people, and I don't mean yourself, assume that because people keep separate finances then to some extent there is a degree of mistrust or an extent to which there is a selfish desire to keep hold of one's own income, but that isn't true, at least not for us.

The important thing in my mind is that money, property and items don't make a relationship, love and understanding does.

pozalina

martinthebandit wrote: »

Is the right answer.

and, to be honest, if you are getting hung up on 'whats mine and whats his' it does not sound to me as though you are ready for a proper commitment to him.

sorry to be blunt

I disagree. As you will see from other threads on here, couples have many different ways of managing their finances. It does not mean that one way, that is different to yours, is necessarily a sign that the relationship is deficient. I think ideally most people (including me) would like to have all money as 'ours' but if couples manage their money in different ways this could cause problems. It is more to with spending styles etc. than the relationship per se.

pozalina

Mojisola wrote: »

Those of you who split bills by a percentage of salary and are left with a different amount of spending/saving money from your OH - how does this work in practice? Does the richer one indulge themselves by buying personal stuff or do they accumulate much greater savings?

I know a couple where she used to go on holiday but he didn't because he earned less than her and couldn't afford it. It didn't seem like a genuine relationship to me.

As I said in the post above, there are many different way to do this. So even where people pay percentages, there are still differences in how the remainder (if there is any!) is spent. For us, I pay for almost everything else, I often give oh money if he needs it and is running low. Really, we could have a joint account, but oh is bad at not knowing how much he has to spend, as opposed to what his balance is. He was the one who didn't want everything to be joint, as he knows he'd get us in hot water by accident.

Flower08

Mojisola wrote: »

As soon as OH and I got together, our money became "ours". It didn't matter who earned it - we were a partnership and shared what we had. I just wouldn't be comfortable if my OH was left with less money than me at the end of each month - that's more like a house share than a personal relationship.

I agree here! I even find the percentage thing quite wierd to be honest, when my OH and I moved in together we had a joint account together and everything went into that one account. It was OUR money (and still is). Having said that different things work for different people.

Mojisola

Tropez wrote: »

I think some people, and I don't mean yourself, assume that because people keep separate finances then to some extent there is a degree of mistrust or an extent to which there is a selfish desire to keep hold of one's own income, but that isn't true, at least not for us.

It's interesting to hear of other people's way of working these things out.

From what people who operate separate accounts say, it seems more common for the person with the higher income to, in reality, spend more in the relationship on the "extras". So, in most cases, it probably balances out in much the same way as for those who go down the joint account route.

In the older generation in my family there was a split between the couples. Either the husband gave the wife "housekeeping" each week or the husband handed over all his wages, got back "spends" and the wife managed the family budget. Again, it was a case of what suited the different couples. As long as both people in the relationship are happy with the arrangement, different things work.

Personally, I'm glad we went down the joint money route because my poor health has seriously affected my earning ability. If we'd chosen another route, I'd be broke all the time!