Birthday gifts for adult children?

euronorris

We do Birthday gifts still, and for siblings too, but we only buy for the kids at Christmas now as the family has grown quite large (and still expanding).

However, I know my parents are quite comfortable (finanancially speaking) and so they can afford this. If they weren't, I would be equally happy with a card, and some of my siblings had to miss out on Birthday gifts for about 18 months whilst I got my finances back on the right track. This year, I am going to try and make some homemade gifts (not sure how well I will do! lol), and am making homemade cards. My SIL mentioned that they would probably do the same this year as they just had a baby so every penny counts. I told them not to worry as, at 28, I don't need gifts. It's nice and all, but I hate the thought of anyone struggling financially just to get me something unnecessary.

gratefulforhelp_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Quick question;

is it normal to still receive gifts/cards from parents when you are an adult child? Does anyone here not give/receive gifts in that situation?


No one is particularly upset or going to cause a row but the context is DH and his siblings haven't received a ''birthday'' gift for a few years and though they are not piqued in general they felt a bit upset when they learned their new step siblings birthday was marked with a gift. I suggested it might be because she is younger (early twenties I think) and also because mother's as opposed to fathers might just be better at remembering. There is no question of their father being ''mean'' in this context: I'm sure he'd give something if they asked.

I did from my parents until recently. I told them not to at Christmas as they spend loads on my kids.

DH did until his Mum died, he was 47 then!

CandyApocalypse

It depends on the family really.

In my family I get presents from my mum, and still buy them, though not the same size as when I was younger (which is fine by me). Normally a nice book, or a bag or something similar.

With my father (parents are sep) I received a present this year for my 30th, but none prior to that, mainly because we were estranged. I did however get small christmas presents from him. However, I should say that the amount he gave me this year would cover quite a number of birthdays.

But, MrCA only gets cards, no presents. This is not the same with his other siblings though, which I think is a shame.

claire16c

Me and my sister are 27 and 25 and we give and receive presents with our parents. I cant imagine anything else. My parents also buy our OHs presents.

My parents also do their same with their parents, well only my Nan as the others are not with us anymore, but up until then they did.

neverdespairgirl

I give to, and get from, birthday and Christmas presents from my parents, sisters and brother - I say, "my parents", but although the card always says "Love Dad", I am 100% certain that is the limit of his involvement (-: The only person my Dad buys presents for is my mother.

My Dad's only ever bought me two presents, neither for a Christmas or birthday. Both books - "Foxe's Book of Martyrs" when I was doing A level history, and a book of poetry, "Other Men's Flowers" when I went abroad to work for a year.

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

, "Other Men's Flowers" when I went abroad to work for a year.

That lives on my beside table, whereever in the world I live. Its probably my desert island companion, such a varied and useful compilation!


Anyway, I was surprised to see this pop up again. I think dh feels ok about this now...and accepts its just a difference in the way his father and stepmother are with their adult children. Its been interesting to see new opinions.

neverdespairgirl

I agree, it's a wonderful book - and such a lovely choice of title, as well.

I have gathered a posie of other men's flowers, and nothing but the thread that binds them is my own

balancelife

I buy gifts for my parents and my sister, and they buy for me too. same with my inlaws and my brother in law.
I also receive a gift card from my grandparents and sometimes my husbands grandparents. they all buy for the kids too. I dont buy birthday presents for them but we do buy christmas presents.

my aunt and uncle on both sides stopped buying after my 21st, though they do usually send a card.

I find it a bit awkward as my brother in law and my sister dont have partners and they both buy for my birthday, my husbands, our two childrens. and we just buy them one present from the four of us. I often wonder since they must spend £20-30 on each of us whether I should buy them something for £80-120, but I'd find that financially difficult.

christmases we have asked over the past few years not to receive much from any of them. they buy for the kids and thats the main thing for us, plus we dont want for much!

our families are quite small, our children are the only grand children on both sides, the only neice and nephew too. no cousins for them, no other little children as yet! we all live fairly close and make a point of seeing eachother quite a lot. we go on holiday with my parents and sister too. I wouldnt be upset if birthday gifts stopped, though it would be sad if there wasnt some acknowledgement from my parents of the day they had me, even if its just a phone call we always call grandparents to say thankyou and go to see them and the kids draw pictures and we give them photos etc.

Pee

My parent's are well off but we don't have a great relationship. I do always give them a gift for their birthdays and they give me one, often some money in a card. I have had some thoughtful gifts from them before now, and try to buy them thoughtful gifts. I have never just given them money and when they give me money, I like to tell them what I have bought with it and make sure it is something they would approve of.

On the other hand I know quite a lot of men who never get their parent's or children a present, some of whom enjoy a good relationship.

caledonian_princess

In our family cards are expected but duty presents aren't. We buy things for each other when we see something another might like. I got some fingerless gloves from my sister last week just because she thought I might like them. I sent my Mum some flowers last month because she'd had a bad day at work and I thought they might cheer her up. I like to send and receive random gifts, it seems more caring somehow than buying a gift because it's a particular day of the year.