Birthday gifts for adult children?

lostinrates

Quick question;

is it normal to still receive gifts/cards from parents when you are an adult child? Does anyone here not give/receive gifts in that situation?


No one is particularly upset or going to cause a row but the context is DH and his siblings haven't received a ''birthday'' gift for a few years and though they are not piqued in general they felt a bit upset when they learned their new step siblings birthday was marked with a gift. I suggested it might be because she is younger (early twenties I think) and also because mother's as opposed to fathers might just be better at remembering. There is no question of their father being ''mean'' in this context: I'm sure he'd give something if they asked.

Hermia

The only people I know who don't receive anything from their parents are the ones who are on bad terms with them. Most parents I know still love giving cards and gifts to their adult children even if they can only afford something small. My friend works in a card shop and says she sees lots of parents buying Hello Kitty and Bagpuss cards for their 30 year old children!

I do think some dads will just not think to do this if there isn't a woman prodding them though. Does this chap give cards in other contexts? Does he phone/text your hubby on his birthday?

Cyril

I'm an older adult and I also receive and give gifts to and from my parents. We just like to do it.

I do know someone who has a very large family and their rule is that as soon as someone hits 18 the gifts stop from everyone accept immediate parents.

Personal choice I think but I also think the same rules should apply to everyone ie not some get a gift and some don't no matter whose kids they are.

pigpen

I haven't had my birthday acknowledged by my dad since I was 11.. dads are crap at birthdays..

I get a gift from my mother... or I sulk

SkintGypsy

I was thirty this year. My Dad forgot. When he was reminded by someone he gave me money. I don't expect a gift from him really, so it's not surprising or upsetting.

zcrat41

I get presents from my Mum and Dad but our family rule is that all other presents stop at 21.

My brother is currently trying to persuade me this extends to wedding gifts too!

CL

I think it's an older man thing. They usually aren't particularly emotional beings. My Mum always gets me something and puts my Dad's name on the card. If it was left to him he wouldn't bother and I wouldn't care. My DH's father never acknowledges his 5 son's birthdays and they are vey close and the son's don't care at all. It's just not something they see as important. He does always give something for the grandchildren's birthdays. The Stepmother here has obviously gotten her child a birthday present and the Father is like most older fathers and doesn't think it's important. I personally wouldn't be bothered.

MERFE

My mum recently mentioned that her and my step dad are only going to buy me and one of my step brothers and my sister presents infuture, meaning 2 stepsisters, a stepbrother and my other sister plus any partners who all used to receive something are going to miss out and this is because they have sent something religously for years and rarely hear from them not even a thank you, so since they don't know if the cards with money etc are arriving they aren't going to send them anymore. I think its a 2 fold problem because i find it really difficult to keep in touch with my mum, they are hard work and make people feel unwelcome or moan when you go to visit but I let alot of things go over my head to keep the peace and I didn't say anything about the present thing. She gave up on christmas last year too and just gave everyone money because she said she couldn't be bothered with the shopping for presents. She goes out alot with her friends and holidays 4-5 times a year and refuses to make an effort with family but expects them to make the effort. She used to moan about her parents and my aunts seeing them more but it was because they made the effort.

Plans_all_plans

Haha he wouldn't get on well in my family then! My parents send me and my sister a card on our b'days but since we've been 18 we've never really got presents for either b'day or Christmas. Even prior to being 18 the presents weren't up to much, but we were glad to get something.

The best bit of it is that if I didn't get my mum something for her b'day or Christmas, I'd NEVER hear the end of it. She was moaning we only sent her mother's day cards, but no present. What's sauce for the goose mum!!

SandC

I get more now than ever! My stepmum just loves giving us stuff. Lucky me!

balletshoes

In our family, after age 21, no more birthday pressies from parents/siblings. My mum always sends cards to her adult children on our birthdays, but we siblings just usually send a birthday text.
It doesn't upset any of us, because we know its going to happen (and we're all really close, have never had a major falling out about anything).