Birthday gifts for adult children?

babyb06

I think it depends on the family and tradition - which is possibly why this has become an issue for your OH as it is a 'mixed' family - a stepmum who has always done X for her kids and a father who has always done Y.

My sister and I always get a present for our birthday (maybe £30-40) and at Christmas get a little pile of presents (maybe £100-150 each and we are 27 and 29!!!!!!!). As we both have long term partners our gifts aren't just for us and often we get some 'house' gifts to share with our OH - fancy corkscrew etc My mum ensures we have lots of bits to open just like when we were kids and each present is beautifully wrapped and colour coordinated! (I do the same for my mum - handcrafted wrapping/card)

But my OH's family are completely different. they get 1 present each on birthday and at Christmas one present (but the value often differs - this year it was obvious one sibling's present was around £20 and another's £60). His parents buy an item they know that (grown up) child wants, don't care about each child receiving the same amount.

He thinks what my parents do is OTT, I think the fact he may get 'just' a book for Christmas is a little disappointing. It is about family tradition though

aloise

Cyril wrote: »

I'm an older adult and I also receive and give gifts to and from my parents. We just like to do it.

I do know someone who has a very large family and their rule is that as soon as someone hits 18 the gifts stop from everyone accept immediate parents.

Personal choice I think but I also think the same rules should apply to everyone ie not some get a gift and some don't no matter whose kids they are.

We have the 18 rule for grandchildren, apart from at 21 when they get their last gift. We have 13 grandchildren 2 great grandchildren and 2 godchildren. We give birthday gifts to our children but not costing any more than £20.
It's very expensive with a big family as it's not only birthdays but all other special occasions. This year alone we have had

An engagement
a wedding
2 graduations
A silver wedding
a 50th birthday
a christening
A birth
A house move
A nightmare for us sometimes. I blame DH, his fault we had 5 kids.:mad:
We only buy at Christmas for the kids.

determined_new_ms

aloise wrote: »

A nightmare for us sometimes. I blame DH, his fault we had 5 kids.:mad:
We only buy at Christmas for the kids.

ha ha ha! I believe it takes two! :rotfl:

I have never got anything off of my mother - not since I was 13 apart from occassional years, it used to really upset me but once I got into mid twenties I stopped caring

my ds is now 18 - for his 18th I got him an xbox & for xmas driving lessons, this year he will get considerably less

my dd turns 18 this year & she will get gifts at around the same value but after this year she also will get considerably less

interestingly (to me at least!) I have got into minimalism recently I was talking to my oh to say I don't want birthday or xmas gifts, I'd rathetr flowers, a meal, a day out. He is not so keen...

onlyroz

Does your partner buy a gift for his parents on their birthday?

In our family, adult *children* get presents, but relatives further away than that would stop getting presents beyond 18.

lostinrates

onlyroz wrote: »

Does your partner buy a gift for his parents on their birthday?

In our family, adult *children* get presents, but relatives further away than that would stop getting presents beyond 18.

He always sends a card and calls (I think though might forget without promting), but no, he doesn't give gifts routinely I think (partly because of the postage issue to another continent). In fact, although he gives his father random gifts (e.g. we see something we thing he'd like and send it or hang on to it if they are expected to visit uk/somewhere we'll be with in a few weeks).

Again, to reiterate, its not ''greed'' that motivated the question its primarily curiosity and also dh was a bit concerned he was being overlooked as the only ''child'' not to have moved to being primarily US base after his father went there. The question here prompted him to speak more to his siblings about it, which I think is the most important thing: that there is lot of family contact.

onlyroz

lostinrates wrote: »

He always sends a card and calls (I think though might forget without promting), but no, he doesn't give gifts routinely I think.

I know you shouldn't give to receive, but I wouldn't expect a present on my birthday from somebody that I hadn't bought a present for.

As an example, my husband was disappointed that his parents didn't get our son anything for his birthday - but I said that should we expect anything considering that he hadn't bought his parents a present for a number of years now. He thinks that children have more "right" to a present than adults and I can sort of see his viewpoint, but I'm not going to get involved in his family bickering...

emzi27

I'm 26 and my Mum always buys me clothes for birthday and Christmas which is lovely. Usually Pjs, socks and pants. My Dad usually pays for me to have my hair done and will service my car for me and pay for all the bits himself which is lovely too!

lostinrates

onlyroz wrote: »

I know you shouldn't give to receive, but I wouldn't expect a present on my birthday from somebody that I hadn't bought a present for.

As an example, my husband was disappointed that his parents didn't get our son anything for his birthday - but I said that should we expect anything considering that he hadn't bought his parents a present for a number of years now. He thinks that children have more "right" to a present than adults and I can sort of see his viewpoint, but I'm not going to get involved in his family bickering...

I think this is absolutely fair enough ..don't expect full stop and furthermore don't expect if you haven't given. and not far from how I feel. Interestingly though, I note in my husband's extended family it seems not to have been the pattern. As I say though its not he's hurt or piqued about lack of present so much.

surfboard2

I'm 20 and haven't really been given birthday gifts for a while. Same with Christmas.

I don't expect anything tbh. At first it used to bother me, but i think i was just being a bit bratty.

My parents are paying my uni tuition fees amongst other things, so that is good enough for me.

nearlyrich

My mum used to always bring cards and the girls always got a bunch of flowers on birthdays and wedding anniversaries. As we have a huge family we decided a long time ago only to buy presents for the children and for adults with no children unless the birthday had a zero in it, so I will be getting a pressies from the siblings this year ( I hope). We buy our children cards and presents and they buy us cards and presents.