Breastfeeding and Peer Pressure

ajaney

Havent read the whole thread but just wanted to sympathise with you as I felt the same pressure when i was breastfeeding my LO from family & friends. I fed exclusively till 6 months then mixed for 2 months & finished end of March this year.

At the end of the day, it is entirely up to you how you feed your baby, just as it is up to your friends how they feed theirs. I would imagine they are probably a bit jealous & maybe regretful that they gave up sooner than they wanted or expected to. It doesnt work for everyone & in the fist few weeks & again ,at about 4 months when my LO had a growth spurt over about a week where I thought he was going to suck me dry (lol!), I did consider throwing in the towel but am glad I managed to stay the course!

The best bit of advice the Health Visitor gave me was - everyone will have an opinion on how you should be bringing up your baby. Just smile sweetly, say 'I'll bear that in mind' & do what you think is best.

You're doing really well, keep going for as long as it suits you & your baby.

ETA: I waited till 6 months to introduce solids & my LO is a good eater -tries everything & often cleans the plate!

skintchick

Ah it never stops. I had that, people saying I'd be less tired if I gave a bottle (cos then instead of rolling over in bed and whopping a boob out then going back to sleep I'd have had to get up and make a bottle, so much less tiring!) but I just if=gnored them although I did tell my mum she wasn;t being very supportive and I'd expected better from her.

Now, at 21 months and happily breastfeeding (introduced solids at 6 months) people rarely dare say anything, but if they do ask if I am 'still' breastfeeding I just say 'yes!' with a big smile. Very few people take it further.

All I can suggest is either ignoring it and brooking no discussion, ie change the subject or simply cop a deaf one, or saying outright they are being unhelpful and would they please stop it. only you can know which tactic would work best.

Also, find a local breastfeeding cafe or drop-in and go along to find like-minded BFing mums to chat to so you don;t feel so alone in your issues. BF babies behave differently to FF, in that they sleep differently (wake more often usually) and so advice that works for FF babies isn;t so applicable to BF, and vice versa.

Chatting to BFing mums can help you feel more normal, which if course you are. It is normal for mammal mummies to give their babies their own milk.

blabberwort

It's your baby and you should beable to breastfeed or bottlefeed without being made to feel your doing something wrong. While I personally never went down the breastfeeding route I know plenty of friends/family who have. I would never have wanted any of them to feel guilty for breastfeeding (for whatever length of time) like I was made to feel for bottlefeeding by some people.

Do what you feel comfortable with and just tell your friends nicely but firmly that this is your choice and while you may feel tired you still want to continue breastfeeding. If your expressing anyway I should tell your friends that your tiredness is down to the fact you have a baby and not because of your choice of milk.

It is possible as others have mentioned, that your friends feel guilty for bottlefeeding and so want to remove some of the guilt by encouraging you to bottlefeed, thus making them feel better about their choices. The other end is they may feel that for them personally bottlefeeding was the best thing they did. They may feel theyre being helpful. Either way you need to have a word, explain how you feel and if they're real friends they will understand and accept your choice.

got-it-spend-it

OP- you are doing a great job! You are absolutely giving your baby the best start in life, not to mention the truly wonderful thing you are doing for the baby who is having your donated milk.

I fed for 12 months, and don't remember anyone ever encouraging me to stop. I did socialise with both other BF'rs and lots of Mums who'd either not BF or stopped quite early. It really wasn't a problem and if I'd always say I BF because I am lazy and couldn't be bothered with bottles!

It is such an emotive subject, which is a shame because at the end of the day Mummies need to support each other, not play a game of one upmanship. I'm sorry your friends aren't being supportive, but I highly recommend finding a 'Booby Group'- my NCT run lots of nice ones, so might be worth looking on their website. You don't have to be a member to go along.

tinkers

That is so amazing you are feeding your child the gift of a lifetime but also another baby whose mothe can't do it!!!

Your friends are jsut part of our bottle feeding culture, they will not believe they are doing anything wrong by mentioning these throw away comments about bottle feeding, it is just a big part of our culture.

In all groups we have groups think, everyone needs to normalise to that group to be accepted and that is why even though you clearly have a very strong belief in what you ar doing they are unitentionally letting you wobble.......about your very solid beliefs.

As previous posters have suggested find other mums who are breast feeding via baby breast feeding cafes or support groups it might just normalise breast feeding for you, because it is completely and utterly normal it is what nature intended.

As for formula feeding being in in the slightest bit easier that couldn't be further from the truth!!!! It is so easy to whack them on adn off again without having to wake up properly overnight!!! I have plenty of friends with formula fed babies who woke more than who were breast fed did!!!

Interesting that your post should arise today for me........ as I spoke to a friend of mine earlier today (who bottle fed from birth) who I met when we had our second babies at the same time and I thanked her today because at the same time as I was breast feeding till my little one was one she never once commented on the fact that I was 'still' feeding BUT as I knew someone else at the same time within a different group of mums she commented all the time on me 'still' feeding, she tried to make me feel dreadful. The first friend was not defensive about her decision at all and didn't try to lay any insecurity on me, the second one had massive issues around breast feeding, obvious lot of guilt. I think there is a similar issue going on here for you.

PS I too waited to feed solids at 6 months against everyone else doing it a lot younger, its bloody hard work weaning when they are young when they are 6 months you can race ahead far easier!!!!

GOOD LUCK xxx

Mustbeananswer??

**Rosie** wrote: »

Hello everybody, long time reader first time poster

I had my baby girl 7 weeks ago and have been happily breastfeeding ever since. I am expressing milk for days out and can produce 5oz in 15 mins, so am in full flow hubby does feeds on Fri/Sat nights and when I have a nice long bubble bath (not often!!) I also donate extra frozen milk to my local milk bank for a lady with breast cancer so she can feed her premature baby.

The issue is not with peer pressure to feed - quite the opposite.

I have three friends who have all given birth within two weeks of me. All started to breast feed but all have since given up as they were finding it painful, or they found it inconvenient. That's their choice and I would never judge.

But they are pressurising me into using breast milk replacement feed whenever I mention I am tired, suggesting my daughter isn't getting enough nutrients from breast milk and I can get my husband to do night feeds. But my husband has a full time stressful job so I'd never ask him to do that (I'm on mat leave from the same job, we work in the same office).

It's getting to the point where I don't want to meet up with my friends, they are trying to be helpful but I've said repeatedly I prefer to breast feed and I get the impression they are almost trying to get me to stop just because they did. My health visitor says I am doing well and baby is 11lbs at 7 weeks which is a good weight. My friend is feeding her 3 month old baby porridge but I don't want to go to solids until 6 months, again she is telling me my baby wont be nourished on milk alone and to give her rusks. I am getting really confused now as I am only doing what I think best and I am starting to doubt myself.

Life *is* hard and I am tired but surely formula feeds are just as tiring at night? Am I doing the right thing standing my ground?

Hi Rosie, you are doing the right thing, ignore your peers and listen to your health professionals ! Breast milk as opposed to formula is the best option ....See below

Breast milk is the only natural food designed for your baby.
Breastfeeding protects your baby from infections and diseases.
Breast milk provides health benefits for your baby.
Breastfeeding provides health benefits for mum.
It’s free.
It’s available whenever and wherever your baby needs a feed.
It’s the right temperature.
It can build a strong physical and emotional bond between mother and baby.
It can give you a great sense of achievement.


It seems Rosie your peers may just follow ' the family tradition' and listen to mum/ grandma etc..........As for weaning at 3 months, I just hope they realise the liver is so immature....Same as an adult who drinks alcohol in excess !! Maybe they should view the incidence of cot deaths and weaning early !!!
I admire the fact you donate milk, shame everyone aint as sensible.....Keep up the good work love ....

Mk14:37

CL wrote: »

Sounds like they are feeling guilty at their decision and seeing you reminds them of this, so you stopping BF would make them feel better about themselves. Tough luck for them. I'm BF my LO who is nearly 6 months and am a little bit proud of it. My DH says thank you to me at least once a week for giving our daughter the best start although I find it inconvenient and have done every night feed for the whole 6 months.

Just smile and say "I'm happy giving my baby the best possible start, thanks". They will soon shut up.

ETA: People ask me all the time when I am going to stop BF, but I have never once taken it that they are suggesting I should stop. I thought they were asking because they don't have any experience of BF and are genuinely curious as to how long people BF for.

Absolutely - these so called friends are just looking for validation for their own choices. Keep up the good work, OP, and stuff the rest of them.