Over Protective Parent?

helphelphelphelp

I have a 10 year old daughter who was friends with a neighbours step children. Due to the care these children were receiving from their step father, and since he has now separated from their mother, they are no longer allowed (Social Services involved) to visit him.

My daughter has a facebook account to speak to her friends. This is linked to my email so I can see who she adds as friends and any messages she gets. I also have her password so regularly check her account and she only uses it on my pc when I am there so am OK with her having this.

One of the problems I have is this neighbour added her as a friend (he is in his 30s).

He also offered her and her friend some money to take down some signs in the road that another neighbour had put up a while ago about their missing cat.

The other day he asked my daughter and her friend if they wanted to go to the sweet shop to buy some sweets with him.

It could just be that he is loney not seeing his step children, or his intentions are more sinister. Either way, I feel his actions are inappropriate. However, I dont want to get the authorities involved if he is innocent but neither do I want to ignore the situation if there is a child at risk.

He is a heavy drinker and often very drunk (as he was when he asked my daughter to go to the shop) but drunk or not I wouldnt ask any child to go to the shops with me.

When I used to see his step children, one conversation always sticks in my mind. They lived in a 2 bed house with 4 kids and I was chatting about the kids bedroom and asked how all the beds fit in the room and she said that her bed was broken so she slept downstairs with her dad. Could be innocent but alarm bells rang.

I have told my daughter to make sure she doesnt speak to him and to stay away and never be on her own with him, not to go to his house etc and explained my fears without going into too much detail.

I dont want to approach him because as mentioned he is does drink and can be quite abusive and offensive, and also if his actions are nothing more than him being geniune would feel mortified that I had basically accused him of this.

Would anyone else be worried with these actions or do you think I am over-reacting?

Thanks

RealButter

If his own children are not allowed to see him i wouldn't want mine seeing him. Personally, I would try and speak to him when he is sober and say you're not comfortable with him contacting your daughter and ask him to back off. If he doesn't then I would then contact the authorities.

vik6525

I didnt want to 'read and run' but my first thought is that, if nothing else, you should 'defriend' and block him from your daughters account....

balletshoes

Yes, I think you are right to be concerned. I'd delete him as a friend from your daughter's facebook, there is no need for them to be friends and your daughter has no need to be in any kind of contact with him.

Then I'd leave it at that - no more contact.

fannyanna

I'm often very conscious of honest people being wrongly labelled as soemone to avoid however in this case I would be concerned.

As another poster rightly said if social services have concerns about him looking after his own children I would be dubious about him be-friending my child (if I had one ).

It could very well be innocent but I'm afraid to say that sometime's it's just better to be safe than sorry.

McKneff

I certainly echo what everyone else has said and I would block him from your childs facebook account as soon as possble and no
you are not being overprotective.

daska

I think most people would find this situation more than a little alarming. Personally, given that SS are already involved and have prevented contact with the step-children, I think I would be contacting either the neighbour or SS asap.

One of my most difficult times ever was having to talk with DSD's friends' parents whenever her mum befriended them or invited them on holiday. Generally we didn't get further than her not being permitted to have her daughter's address before they realised that there was something seriously amiss.

SandC

Under 13s are not supposed to be registered on Facebook anyway - there is a reason for this and some might say 13 is still young to deal with the kind of stuff that happens on there. Guess you are learning that eh?

I would at the very least have her block him (not just 'defriend' he can still get messages through that way). It's just not worth it whichever way you look at it.

Darlyd

Omg I would be concerned too. Please tell the police, so they can keep an eye on him. And tell your child's friends parents aswel. Sounds dodgy to me. Pretty frightening.

FatVonD

Could you message him from her account and say sorry, you don't allow her to have adults as friends on FB then block and delete him. That way he'd know you had access to and were monitoring her account. Make sure she has her privacy settings set to the highest and make sure she knows to stay the hell away from him. Actually, I'd report your worries anyway, if it's not your child it may be someone else's.

reeree

helphelphelphelp wrote: »

I have a 10 year old daughter who was friends with a neighbours step children. Due to the care these children were receiving from their step father, and since he has now separated from their mother, they are no longer allowed (Social Services involved) to visit him.

My daughter has a facebook account to speak to her friends. This is linked to my email so I can see who she adds as friends and any messages she gets. I also have her password so regularly check her account and she only uses it on my pc when I am there so am OK with her having this.

One of the problems I have is this neighbour added her as a friend (he is in his 30s).

He also offered her and her friend some money to take down some signs in the road that another neighbour had put up a while ago about their missing cat.

The other day he asked my daughter and her friend if they wanted to go to the sweet shop to buy some sweets with him.

It could just be that he is loney not seeing his step children, or his intentions are more sinister. Either way, I feel his actions are inappropriate. However, I dont want to get the authorities involved if he is innocent but neither do I want to ignore the situation if there is a child at risk.

He is a heavy drinker and often very drunk (as he was when he asked my daughter to go to the shop) but drunk or not I wouldnt ask any child to go to the shops with me.

When I used to see his step children, one conversation always sticks in my mind. They lived in a 2 bed house with 4 kids and I was chatting about the kids bedroom and asked how all the beds fit in the room and she said that her bed was broken so she slept downstairs with her dad. Could be innocent but alarm bells rang.

I have told my daughter to make sure she doesnt speak to him and to stay away and never be on her own with him, not to go to his house etc and explained my fears without going into too much detail.

I dont want to approach him because as mentioned he is does drink and can be quite abusive and offensive, and also if his actions are nothing more than him being geniune would feel mortified that I had basically accused him of this.

Would anyone else be worried with these actions or do you think I am over-reacting?

Thanks

when my grandson was younger he had been playing outside with his friend, he came in and said one of the neighbours had invited them both for dinner, l told my grandson that the neighbour must have been joking with him but when l mentioned it to the neighbour l could see from his reaction that he hadnt been joking, he's now serving 11 years in jail for sexually abusing a child and making videos of himself abusing the child, he too was often drunk, l think when it comes to your children you can't be to careful and theres something very wrong about a grown man adding a child as a friend on facebook