A 4th baby?

crazymum_2

I have six children, 16,13,11,9,6 and 4, they may have less for Christmas than some other children, cheaper birthday parties at home, second hand clothes and free trips out to the park and walks in the woods but I think the wonders of a big family, a bustling house always happy and full of people and the love and support of brothers and sisters outways the financial downfall. My children and absolutely lovely and very happy - other children always want to come to our house and never want to go home. We have a four bedroom house, nobody minds sharing bedrooms. I think that if you enjoy your children (and I enjoy every one of mine) then the financial hardships will have small impacts on happy children. xx

dlb

crazymum wrote:

I have six children, 16,13,11,9,6 and 4, they may have less for Christmas than some other children, cheaper birthday parties at home, second hand clothes and free trips out to the park and walks in the woods but I think the wonders of a big family, a bustling house always happy and full of people and the love and support of brothers and sisters outways the financial downfall. My children and absolutely lovely and very happy - other children always want to come to our house and never want to go home. We have a four bedroom house, nobody minds sharing bedrooms. I think that if you enjoy your children (and I enjoy every one of mine) then the financial hardships will have small impacts on happy children. xx

I have to agree with you, when you have a big family it makes you the local party house, everyone is always here for birthday,bbqs and this year we will host the new years party agin, and i love it, the kids look forward to these gatherings, and yes maybe we do end up having them here as we dont like imposeing at others house with all the kids in tow
But it makes you one heck of a hostess and party planner!!
Each child is an individual and it is hard at time to find one on one time, but we are very close and i love it.

lisa_75

crazymum wrote:

and the love and support of brothers and sisters outways the financial downfall.

I have to say I don't agree with you there. I don't dislike my siblings, but they are a minor presence in my life. I don't see them for months on end.

It is great if you all end up being close, but I have to say in my experience for most people siblings are more trouble than they are worth.

My friend has 7 siblings and they cause her no end of grief. Constant squabbling, always coming to her with money issues etc. I thought her house was magical when we were kids, but I can see how a large family like that can be stressful, especially if one or two siblings are more responsible than the others.

I think if you have kids you MUST have them for yourself and not for the benefit of the other children as you cannot predict how they relate, especially when they are adults. I had my 2 for me. If they are friends when they are older, great. If not I won't fret about it.

Rachie_B

Mics_chick wrote:

I live in a 3-bed semi with 2 kids and always feeling overwhelmed by clutter but a couple next-door-but-1 have 4 kids ( 10, twins 7, 4) and they seem as happy as pigs in muck. Room-sharing is OK because daughter has small single room and boys share large double room. Eldest boy is autistic too but their parents seem to cope very well and they're the salt of the earth. So if you want to - go for it! Good luck MC.

you might want to edit your post to delete the names of your neighbours children !!

vippymini

crazymum wrote:

I have six children, 16,13,11,9,6 and 4, they may have less for Christmas than some other children, cheaper birthday parties at home, second hand clothes and free trips out to the park and walks in the woods but I think the wonders of a big family, a bustling house always happy and full of people and the love and support of brothers and sisters outways the financial downfall. My children and absolutely lovely and very happy - other children always want to come to our house and never want to go home. We have a four bedroom house, nobody minds sharing bedrooms. I think that if you enjoy your children (and I enjoy every one of mine) then the financial hardships will have small impacts on happy children. xx

I got to agree as a big family is a happy family and to be honest none of them ever winge to have friends home as they are happy in each others company!

happygal_3

Reading this with interest as we are considering trying for no 4 too! our daghters are 4, 3 and 6 months. We have a 3 bed house ( if we get planning consent will be 4 bed) and already have a people carrier so have space and transport sorted. I can have a year of work to and have no childcare to pay as DH looks after girls while I work.

Teenagers are expensive though and this is what I keep thinking about!

But, in reality how many peoples parents supported them through uni, paid for driving lessons/car or helped with a house? Neither mine or DH's did and we have both grown up fine.

Spendless

I think the only way you know whether your kids hated or loved their size family etc is if they go on to replicate it or steer away from it themselves when adults (baring things like fertility/health/relationship problems).

I have a 3 year gap between my two and it would have been 2 years if it hadn't been for health/financial/housing problems, why? cos I hated the 7 year gap that is between me and my only sibling.;)

Sister who got twins 1st time, BIL had snip, why? he was 1 of 3 himself and didn't like it. In both cases neither of us had any wish to replicate what we had had.

Likewise I do know of people who have had and wanted 3 cos they were also 1 of 3. I know of only children who only had only children on purpose, and other only children who were determined that theirs would have a sibling.

shariatlanta

lisa_75 wrote:

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Do you see yourself being able to support 4 or 5 kids through uni, driving lessons or with house deposits?


I'm a mum of 5 all grown now between the ages of 28 and 20 though 3 still living at home and I love it, if circumstances had allowed I would have had 2 or 3 more and they have said they wouldn't have minded.

As to the above quote why would you have to give them money for driving lessons or a house deposit, uni yes as it's all part of their education, my kids would never dream of asking me for money for either of these and I wouldn't have expected my parents to have paid for them and they were far better off financially than I was, I only have 1 sister but my parents taught me to pay for myself once I went to work.

At the end of the day if you feel your health and finances would allow it then why not, one more really won't make an awful lot of difference and as somone else pointed out the happiness you get for lots of kids outweighs the hard work.

skintas_2

i have two boys 4 and 6, after my second i sufferred really bad depression, hes started school now i feel better than i ever have in years , ok i feel like im missing something was down for a few weeks, as missing looking after my baby. now im back at work full time, i feel people wanna talk to me for me not just my sons mum. i would love a girl, but dont think i could as i would get really depressed as giving up my new bit of freedom. i live in lodnon, housing dont re house you, my neighbours has 5 children 20,18, 7,5, 4 and her husband and they are still wating to get a 3 bedroom. the housing tell you to use your living room as a bedroom. the only people around my area who have more kids are on the dole. i pay nearly £20 a week in school dinners for 2 children let alone thinking about a 3rd.

lisa_75

skintas wrote:

i have two boys 4 and 6, after my second i sufferred really bad depression, hes started school now i feel better than i ever have in years , ok i feel like im missing something was down for a few weeks, as missing looking after my baby. now im back at work full time, i feel people wanna talk to me for me not just my sons mum. i would love a girl, but dont think i could as i would get really depressed as giving up my new bit of freedom. i live in lodnon, housing dont re house you, my neighbours has 5 children 20,18, 7,5, 4 and her husband and they are still wating to get a 3 bedroom. the housing tell you to use your living room as a bedroom. the only people around my area who have more kids are on the dole. i pay nearly £20 a week in school dinners for 2 children let alone thinking about a 3rd.

Exactly. People who say an extra one doesn't make much difference are kidding themselves. We struggle now and can't afford to buy a house. Another one would make a huge difference.

Maybe having nice things and a good Christmas doesn’t matter to some, but it matters to me. I don't want my kids to have to struggle like we did in the early days, so I will do everything I can to help them, especially with uni as I feel it is vital for kids these days to get a good education. The kids on my uni course whose parents can’t afford to help them really struggle juggling work and uni. I don’t want my kids to go through that. One girl was really struggling last year and I gave her £50 at Christmas to help her out. Her parents have 7 kids and live in a rough area and she was trying to do something to better herself, but she was strugging becasue her parents had so many kids and could not help.

I also found I was much happier once the kids started school and loved my new freedom.