A 4th baby?

code-a-holic

Any chance of some opinions?!!
I am a mother to a 4, 2(next week) and 1 (2 weeks ago!). I want a 4th and maybe even 5th eventually, but cant decide on a timing. Me and my husband are very happy and thrive off our children and i feel the need to fill our home with noise, mess and nappies!!! Unfortunatly im not in the best of physical health so feel maybe i should have a baby before i have treatment to fix me, so i dont undo the work done to improve my back in the future.

Thing is, We privately rent our home and can not see ourselves buying unless we win the lottery, get bought a house, huge pay increase, or inheritance falls our way. Its a 3 bedroom. the 2 eldest are boys in 1 room and girl has her own room. Bedroom space isnt a problem i feel. A friend has 4 boys in a 2 bedroom house and they are happy!
Is there anyone that has gone from a 3 child family to a 4. How was it for you - did you find it a big difference finacially. We are not rich, have no savings, but have money left at the end of each month - usually!!! As of next april i will be looking after a extra 1 yr old 2 days a week too. Would i be mad to do it all now!!!!!

Chubacheroo

Not having any children yet (I have one baking right now though!), I'm probably not the best person to offer advice. However, I would agree that you ought to seek treatment for your health first, and try and get in as good physical shape as possible. This will benefit your kids and certainly yourself!

As for space and money, well, my cousin has six children, and I think she had them in two bedrooms, and they're all really well-adjusted, happy children. I don't think that money and riches are all that important, although obviously, being able to feed the family is!

Personally, I think a gap of 1-3 years between babies is probably good. That would be what I would aim for, I think.

holstar

as I have no babies of my own (and won't for some time), I apologise if this sounds a little heartless and too economic, rather than focussing on babies as people rather than money

if you have a car...you can fit 3 kids in the back of a standard car, but you can't fit 4 safely (with all the laws on carseats and seatbelts etc)...so either 2 cars or a people carrier will be needed if you want to go on family outings with you, OH and all the kids, which will be mroe money.

you say that bedroom space won't be a problem...well, if a new baby is a boy...ok, your DD and the new baby can share a room at first, but when they get older they will probably want to be in different rooms (doesn't council say something about brothers/sisters sharing rooms from certain ages?...might be worth looking to see approx ages they suggest, even if you don't follow them). If theres then 3 kids in one room, and only your DD in the other, won't they get a bit annoyed at her having more personal space than they? Particular as they get older? If baby is a girl then this doesnt apply, obviously.

as for timing...if you have more now...they are more similar ages so can probably play better together, you will still have all/most of your baby stuff rather than selling/loaning to friends etc

But, your health is quite a big factor here....if you get it sorted before any potential more kids....will it be damaged again by pregnancy (i assume its a 'yes', but how much? what does your doctor think about this?), but if you wait until after any more kids to have it sorted, will you be in loads of pain through pregnancy, will it make daily life difficult...3 small kids are probably a handful at the best of times, what about 4/5 when you're in pain?

as I said, i apologise for not focussing on the joy kids bring...but as an outsider, thats what i would consider...hope it helps, and good luck whatever you decide to do.

maow425

DH and I have 2 boys at the mo (one is 6, the other one 2 in Jan), and the 3rd bun was due last week (turkey timer not popped yet). We live in a privately rented 2 bed flat, and are fairly comfy so far. We are also contemplating no4, but not going to start trying again until bun is 1. We love our little monsters to bits, and I said it after the first one - "having children is like eating crisps... You can't just have one, you have to have the whole bag!" Or like my DH's boss put it - "If you're going to ruin your life, you may as well do it properly!"

As far as your health is concerned, personally I'd try to make sure that everything was in order before trying again, but these things are very personal, and different people think in different ways. It depends on how ill you are. A friend of mine has one boy, and that was after a very traumatic pregnancy and birth, with a multitude of health problems. She and her OH are now trying for another (unofficially) and have accepted the fact that if things should go wrong, then they are at least prepared for it, and are in a better position to take any precautions to try to prevent things from going as drastically wrong as they did the last time.

I'd say, talk it over with your OH, maybe talk to your GP or consultant, then talk it over again with OH. Then decide.

Hope you get some peace of mind, and good luck with making a decision. I know I'd want more children no matter what my health was like.

code-a-holic

Holster, you have echoed all the things i am worried about!!
We already have a 7 seater people carrier soi m ok there - im always telling people im aiming to fill it!!!!

I have back and hip damage caused by a whiplash injury which escalated during the last 2 pregnancies. I was on crutches carrying the last 2. If i was to have another now the docs dont think i could get much worse than i have been. But once i have had some operative treatment they have said it would be wise not to have more children as it may undo the work done. Having said that recent hospital check ups have revelaed that they think it may not be fixable. Im only 22 and hope its not the case as i am planning on going in to midwifery/nursing once im fixed up and children are happy in school!

Had not heared about the guidlines for room sharing - going to look in to it. There is nothing stopping us renting a bigger house until we buy, just love this house and dont want to go (and its a bargain!)

A few weeks ago i was planning on selling all the baby gear as we decided it wouldnt be needed for a few years.....i find it too scary to think i wont have babies in the house! At the moment i have a bar implant that runs out in 2 years. I think it would be sensible to leave it in and see what happens, it can be taken out before then if needed. A fortune teller told me i would give birth to another girl when my youngest turns 2 - a part of me is helping her fortune telling by planning it to fit her suggestion!

Chubacheroo - your cousin has a handfull! I agree with your age gap. If i had another once my brood were in school i think i would find it a bit more difficult after being out of the swing of things.

Thank you both for your input. Hubby and I need to talk about it and mull a little more!

dlb

hiya.

Mum of 4 here, they are 11,10,9+4.

It is hard work but well worth it, we do have a 4 bedroomed house but have only had this for 2 years, we lived in a 2 bedroom up to then and it was a complete nightmare.:eek:
It is true that if you live in council property you can not have a boy and a girl sharing if one is over 10 years old.
Also we had to wait for a 4 bedroomed to be available as council legally couldnt move us to a 3 bedroomed as it would have been classed as overcrowed.

My eldest 3 are very close together in age and when they were younger it was very hard none stop work, but now they are that bit older it is great, they play together are interested in the same things and can help eah other with school work as they tend to be covering the same things at the same time.:j

You have to do whats right for you, and having 4 does make a big difference money wise especially at xmas, also 4 birthdays/partys its hard to get holiday accomadation for 6 and its expensive!!:eek:
But if you want to it is well worth it i wouldnt have it any other way.:rolleyes:
Although no 5 is never going to happen here!!!LOL:D
Although i too looked after a 1 year old niece for 6 months too.

Penny-Pincher!!

I would love to have another and so would OH and DD (she is 12 soon), but failing health has put an end to that. Im only just 32 and now feel ready mentally to have another IYKWIM. We were 20 when we had DD, but we have a great relationship and is our 13th anniversary on Monday...have been together since we were 13:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

I know OH would cope with a baby but I dont think I could. Apparently being pregnant may improve some of my illnesses as the baby releases certain hormones into my body but could suffer extreme problems once the baby was here....would be like playing the lotery but a much bigger chance of loosing.

I wish you well. You are very lucky to have 3 already with poor health.

Good luck hun, you seem like a loving, kind family and deserve to be happy.

Hugs

PP
xx

vippymini

Hi , i have a large family , 5 small ones 9,6,4,2,12 weeks 4 girls and a boy and we get on just fine we wouldnt be without them. At present we live in a 2 bed house but have applied for a bigger house but we cope...:o we have a 7 seater car so all good there. They say the more you have the easier it is and yes that is true!

As yourself id be lost without a little one but i know i got to stop one day but for now i happy to have another tommorow.So far theres a just a 2 year gap between mine which is great as they all get on and all play with each other. finacially with the way tax credits etc works you are able to survie . You learn how to shop!!! especially with this great site. Yes christmas is a hard one but if you see what mine have got youd be shocked. i been shopping since october and with ebay and a few other sites we doing just great

First thing first sort your health out if you need to others go for it.... Is only you and the oh that can decide and if you want more kids then do it , it dont matter what anyone else says or thinks is your descion. If your happy and the kids are happy then your doing nothing wrong except being a great mum:D

Spendless

holstar wrote:

as I have no babies of my own (and won't for some time), I apologise if this sounds a little heartless and too economic, rather than focussing on babies as people rather than money

if you have a car...you can fit 3 kids in the back of a standard car, but you can't fit 4 safely (with all the laws on carseats and seatbelts etc)...so either 2 cars or a people carrier will be needed if you want to go on family outings with you, OH and all the kids, which will be mroe money.

you say that bedroom space won't be a problem...well, if a new baby is a boy...ok, your DD and the new baby can share a room at first, but when they get older they will probably want to be in different rooms (doesn't council say something about brothers/sisters sharing rooms from certain ages?...might be worth looking to see approx ages they suggest, even if you don't follow them). If theres then 3 kids in one room, and only your DD in the other, won't they get a bit annoyed at her having more personal space than they? Particular as they get older? If baby is a girl then this doesnt apply, obviously.

as I said, i apologise for not focussing on the joy kids bring...but as an outsider, thats what i would consider...hope it helps, and good luck whatever you decide to do.

Hi I have 2 children, I have medical reasons for not wanting a third but also social reasons and these are exactly the ones listed above.

Here 3 bed houses are invariably 2 double bedrooms and 1 single, so it would be hard to accomodate 4 children in a 3 bed house. My friend had a 14 y gap between her son and daughter both with different dads and she could not get a transfer to a 3bed from her 2 bed council house. On threads that have come up before, an extra reception room downstairs (as my friend) had will class as an extra bedroom for council house purposes. Of course if you've got a few kids you still need that downstairs space, not it having to be used as an additional bedroom, or counting against you getting a bigger place.

We do have a people carrier, in our case a company car, but if we should ever lose it, we know that we wouldn't have to spend as much money to transport the childrn. extra children are extra expense, so if finances were tight, could you afford to keep a people carrier because it was the only transport big enough for your family.

As to your health, well you really need to think this through, ill-health with an extra baby is likely to be hard.

Ultimately though it is yours and your OH decision and I wish you the best.

BargainBabe_3

I have 2 wonderful children a DD and DS. I would love to have had more but with ill health and near death in pregnancy nature has put a stop to a bigger family for me and DH. I dont mean to sound harsh but you should put your health first and count your lucky stars for the children you already have. My friend has just had her 7th cycle of IVF which they have had to pay for and yet again it failed. There are plenty of children who need homes out there and I plan to apply to foster in the near future. I am so very lucky to have the children that I do and hope to be able to provide a stable and safe home to others that have not been as lucky in life as your lovely kids who have you as a loving mother. You should sort your own health first and also consider what would happen if you went ahead with another pregnancy and god forbid something went wrong. Your kids would be left with a void that no one else could fill. Be happy and whatever you decide goodluck to you. BBx

Mics_chick

I live in a 3-bed semi with 2 kids and always feeling overwhelmed by clutter but a couple next-door-but-1 have 4 kids (Sam 10, twins Ben & Chloe 7, Ethan 4) and they seem as happy as pigs in muck. Room-sharing is OK because daughter has small single room and boys share large double room. Eldest boy is autistic too but their parents seem to cope very well and they're the salt of the earth. So if you want to - go for it! Good luck MC.

Editted to add: I just read the previous post (obviously added while I was writing mine!) and yes everyone should count their blessings for the children they have but I don't see that because other people have trouble conceiving that should affect you at all because you don't and you want a large family. Obviously you have researched any possible effects further pregnancies would have on you and if you and OH are happy then just do it!