Saying Goodbye to a much loved pet

vicx

I had to have my 14 year old Yorkshire Terrier put to sleep last night and I am absolutely heartbroken. There's no words to describe how much pain I am feeling. Maxi was taken away from me so suddenly but nothing could have prepared me for this day. The thought of it even happening made me cry, he was a big part of my life.

He was my little shadow, my rock and my best friend. He had separation anxiety so he would never leave my side. He's helped me through the hard times, especially my recent breakup with my ex partner 4 month ago, which I am still grieving over. Now my dog has been taken from me, I have nothing. This is by far the worst year of my life.

My dog had a heart murmur which the vet described as 'quite loud' and occasionally coughed but he was able to keep the cough under control without any medication.

Early hours of yesterday morning his cough suddenly deteriorated fast, he was having coughing/choking fits which sounded very harsh and loud and he couldnt keep it under control. My poor dog couldn't settle so we had no sleep. I phoned the vet to explain what was happening and they told me to take him in at 4pm. I didn't think we could hold on until then but I managed to settle him and comfort him so he wasn't too distressed.

When we got to the vet he was having a choking fit which lasted throughout the appointment. The Vet said his heart murmur is quite loud, he is in heart failure and has a high temperature. She said 'we can try and help him with medication but he is old and in heart failure'. She checked his records and could see he had been on this medication before but it made no difference so another surgeon said he didn't need to continue on this medication. The vet wanted to prescribe two weeks supply of medication and have my dog checked over again in 2 weeks. I asked if I could just pay for one week medication to see how he goes over the next few days, which she agreed.

Other than his coughing/choking fits, he was still his normal self - eating, drinking and wanting to exercise. I didn't want to believe it was time to let go and the vet was giving me 'false' hope of treating his choking episodes with medication instead of suggesting it was maybe best to let him go as he was clearly distressed and his problems weren't treatable.

He was such a nervous dog so being in the vet alone would have made him distressed and triggered his cough. I noticed as soon as I took him back out to the car his coughing fit stopped for a while. I got him home and gave him his first lot of medication - vetmedin & frusemide. He was coughing but then settling for a little while. He even ate his dinner but over the next few hours my dog deteriorated fast, constantly choking and distressed, he just didnt know where he wanted to be.

As it was 7pm and out of hours, I had to call the emergency vet and drive him 20 mile to the surgery, I was hoping they would be on call and come to my house. He was in a lot of distress, panting rapidly and coughing constantly. Half way there he vomitted up the milk and water he drank and his tongue turned blue through lack of oxygen. Ten minutes before we arrived at the vet, his tongue was almost black and he struggling to breathe. I thought he was going to pass before we arrived but he pulled round a little and his tongue a lot pinker, although he was still off colour, coughing and gasping for breath.

When we arrived, the reception staff told us to take a seat. They could see my dog was distressed so I was surprised they didn't ask us to take him straight in to the room. Within a few minutes one of the nurses spotted us and came out. She said 'He's off colour and needs to be put on oxygen. She took him through to the room while we waited, then we were called into another room to discuss what was happening. We were told the problem was Trachea Collapse which was causing him to cough (it's a common problem in Yorkshire Terriers).

What I want to know is why has my vet not explained this to me before, instead he's been trying to treat the cough with the wrong medication. I had faith in that surgery, I am absolutely heartbroken and feel they have let my dog suffer, especially yesterday when he should have been put to sleep at 4pm instead of trying to make more money on medication and letting him suffer longer.

The emergency vet staff were absolutely fantastic. They explained what Trachea Collapse is and knew the problem was not treatable. They asked what we wanted them to do but we all knew it was probably best to let him go as he was in so much distress. We went into see him to say our Goodbyes. He was standing up, panting and making grunting noises. He looked at us when we walked in and was happy to get his kisses and cuddles. It was so hard to let him go but I am proud of myself for staying with him for his last breath even if I was an emotional wreck. I just feel so guilty and keep wondering if he would have improved with different medication. I am absolutely devastated.

We brought him home to be buried in our garden next to his companion (our other Yorkshire Terrier, sadly passed 2007) who he missed terribly. I can get comfort from knowing he is still close to me, in the garden he loved.

Maxi (Summer 2010)

elliesmemory1

Im very sorry for your loss. In these circumstances we always look to blame someone for whats happend, but you have to remember all the good times you had and the good life you gave him. Best to think of the good times and be glad you got to say goodbye. Its very hard to lose a much loved pet i know, but hes not in pain now. Im very sorry

hethmar

Im so sorry to hear of your sad loss. Try not to blame yourself or feel guilty - he had a good life, a much better life than many dogs and you were with him to the end.

It will take time, I still grieve for dogs I lost 20 and more years ago - but it does get easier and one day you will be able to smile and talk about what he got up to.

Give yourself time to grieve him and then think about taking on another little soul who so desperately needs the sort of love you are able to give.

xxx

zaksmum

So very sorry. Only those of us who have been through this know your pain. Big hug for you.

joeck68

Dear vicx

I've been crying whilst reading your post, what an awful experience, and I can understand why you feel so distressed, however, even though the outcome is so very sad you have to console yourself with the thought that you did your very best for him, and were with him right until the end - he will have known that he was loved and that you were trying to help. Our pets bring so much love to our lives, and yet we only have them for such a short time, and then have to face the heartbreak of losing them, and the only way to deal with this is by reminding ourselves that we have given them the best life possible.

We have a cat who is, along with my daughter, the centre of our family, and I dread the thought of anything happening to her. Please try not to blame your vet, whilst I know some may try to profit unnecessarily, I think the majority want what is best for the animal, we recently lost one of our gerbils, who had a tumor. We opted to try and have it surgically removed, even whilst knowing that in such a small and elderly animal he was unlikely to survive, but knowing that we had to give him the chance, and, whilst the medication didn't help your dog, maybe the vet thought that it was worth a try, just in case it made an improvement.

Sending you hugs,
xxJo

toniq

So sorry for your loss xxxx

vicx

Thanks for all your kind words. I have been through this pain before when I lost my other Yorkshire Terrier 4 year ago, he was 14 year old.
He passed away naturally so I didn't have to make this difficult decision of letting him go.

It's broke my heart to make this difficult decision, wondering if his time was really up. I've had him in my life since he was 6 weeks old and we had a very strong bond. I love all my dogs the same but he was the closest to me. I didn't want him to leave and he didn't want to leave us but he was too distressed - it was so heartbreaking and those images are going through my mind. I have had no sleep and been in tears for the past 24 hours.

My family have used the same vet surgery for 18 years and like I said we did have faith in them until we were told by the emergency surgery that his coughing/choking problem is infact Trachea Collapse and not his heart murmur causing it. They are sending reports to my vet surgery so I am thinking of making a complaint to the vet for letting my dog suffer and trying to treat the problem with the wrong medication. At the very least I would hope to get a reimbursement of the consultation and medication fees which I paid them.

It cost me an extra £300 to take my dog to the emergency vet to be put to sleep. He is worth every penny but this could have been avoided had my local vet surgery told me what his coughing/choking problem was instead of trying to treat him with the wrong medication.


I also have a King Charles Spaniel, she is 10 years old and on said medication for her heart as she is in heart failure. Although my dogs were not close, she seems very confused and lost today, all she seems to be doing is lying about and not wanting to be bothered with so I can't get any comfort from her just yet.

I am a dog lover but I definitely would not get any more dogs, it's so heartbreaking when they become ill and have to say Goodbye. My Yorkshire Terrier could never be replaced and I don't think I could have the same bond with a new dog.

julesmby

i am so sorry for your loss, we lost our boy last year a gsd to a heart tumour all over in a day We went to a emergency vet who said he had eaten some thing then to our own vet and from there to the royal vet school at potters bar we got stuck on the m25 not knowing if our lad would last the journey. it was horrendos journey and i can understand your pain our only comfort was we both new we couldnt have done any more for him and had to let him go.

it hurts like hell ,you will never forget but with time it does get easier. take your time and dont rush anything you can not get over having a constant companion with you 24/7 and then losing them in a short time .

julesmby

Have just read your last post, yes you should talk to your vet but not yet you need time to start coming to terms with this i do understand how you feel but its only been 24 hour please give your self some time.
your other dog will miss your yorkie she will also feel your heartache ,as for another doggie still to soon to make that decision.
we did get another gsd who has helped us so much,he is nothing like. our boy and would not want him to be either. you need time to help you.

jenfur79

m so sorry for your loss. I had to have my little man Spike put down too. It was the most difficult decision to make, but I loved him more than anyone, and I knew in my heart that it was the right decision. Spike is burried in his favourite corner of the garden.

Someone sent me this article (see below) when i lost Spike, and it gave me an enormous amount of comfort. i hope it brings you some too. x

"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... "

Author unknown...

ladymarmalade1970

So, so sorry for you loss and thinking of you. xx