Post Closed

john9to5

How do I not sound emotionally ready to have a child ???

Where have you seen that information about me ? You dont even know me .

It was due to posters on this forum that my partner and myself have been looking into adoption, I took notice of what posters had said when they had mentioned there are many children in this country needing homes rather than to bring another child into the world.


This is not a question of wether I am ready for a baby or wether my partner is, Surely we and close relatives only know that!

Plans_all_plans

pinkclouds wrote: »

If that was the case, then we would need government enforced contraception from puberty until the designated age of "experience". It's possible to be dealt a raw hand even when it's your own genes involved - pregnancy tests, assuming you have them, don't detect everything. At least when you're adopting, you'll know in advance.

Well the govt clearly agrees with me that a 20 yr old is too young to adopt, for whatever reason, otherwise these guidlines wouldn't be in place. I could wax lyrical on why a 20 yr old (or 18 yr old) is too young to adopt, but I wont as it wont help the OP.

In my opinion 20 yr olds are on the whole too young to have kids full stop, let alone adopt: this is from someone who fell pregnant at 20 and had a baby at 21. Life experience counts for a lot before children, moreso if the children are likely to come with baggage.

euronorris

There are far bigger issues involved in adopting a child, than there are in having a child naturally.

Even if you were to adopt a baby, with seemingly no 'baggage', there are still issues to contend with. How and when do you let the child know they're adopted? How do you deal with the difficult questions about birth parents? How will you cope/feel when/if they want to find their birth parents?

And those are just the 'standard' issues, but I also understand it is fairly common for some children to reject their adoptive parents as they grow up. How will you handle that? What can you do, if anything, to try and ensure this won't happen?

Will it be an open adoption, or closed adoption? COuld you cope with either/both of those options?

Sorry, but I think 20 is too young to be dealing with these issues and more and your posts only confirm that, IMO.

john9to5

Rockporkchop wrote: »

Pinkclouds - the OP is male and in a same sex relationship.

and ???????

pinkclouds

toniq wrote: »

You posted this under my post, i'm hoping it isn't a dig at me having ivf.

For starters i'm in my 30's.

I commented on this post as I had been through the care system myself and hoped my insight could help the op.

Absolutely not! I didn't even realise you were having IVF. I was merely trying to say that, in my opinion, the urge to have a child is just as strong at 20 as it is at 40 and that the OP shouldn't be slated for her age because her desire is as valid as the other. Apologies for any offense caused.

Age doesn't necessarily bring maturity or wisdom... or the ability to keep your foot out of your mouth.

emsywoo123

john9to5 wrote: »

and ???????

I think RPC is just explaining to the other poster, as they were referring to you as a "she"> Anyone might do this if a gender assumption was made, I do not think you need to be so sensitive about it

ViolaLass

Have you tried contacting any of the agencies directly to see if 'over-25s only' is an absolute policy? And does that mean they would only place a child with you once you were 25 or would you need to be over 25 to even apply? (I gather the process can take some time so perhaps you could apply before being 25).

In the meantime, do you have any nephews, nieces, friend's children that you could look after to practice? I'm sure that would help in your application.

emsywoo123

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Also, on one of your other posts made last year, you stated you were 17. Are you only 18 now?

OP you said you were 18 in July last year....so you are either still 18 or maybe 19? So you have been with your partner since you were 15/16?

Barneysmom

I'm backing you to the hilt op. I don't think it's fair on the whole but there does have to be a general rule.
I had my son when I was 18, and my daughter when I was 20. I dare say people thought we were too young to have children but it worked out really well for us and I wouldn't wish it any other way.

But nothing anyone here says will change anything so it looks like you have to wait.

Plans_all_plans

emsywoo123 wrote: »

OP you said you were 18 in July last year....so you are either still 18 or maybe 19? So you have been with your partner since you were 15/16?

He said he was 17 last July.