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john9to5

Hi Everyone, I dont know if anyone has any experience of adoption......

But I was looking into all the legalities and things the other day there and I understand you have to be 21 Years of age or over to be considered by an adoption agency as the feel this is the appropriate age. What I thought was rather strange was that it said many agencys dont even consider people until they are at least 25. I dont neccesarily agree with this.

I am 20 and my partner is 30 , We both have good stable jobs, our own home, and all the love in the world for a child.

We have been looking into surrogacy (as discussed on other posts) but wanted to look into adoption too, If we had the choice of adoption then we would probably go for an older child as we know its harder for them.


I just feel that surely every case is different and the fact that they have said we wouldnt even be considered makes me feel really sad and that we are just hitting a brick wall. Surely if we have love to give then that would be enough ? Its a shame that we wouldnt even be assesed by a social worker or anything just written off for now, as if they would just listen and come and visit us I am sure we would pass any checks.


Just wondering what other peoples opinions of this is? The process seems to be the most difficult process to go through when it should be made much more simple so that more children can get good homes

*Robin*

John, I am sorry to say that you come across as rather needy.

You are only 20, so you cannot have been with your partner very long. At this stage in your life you should be enjoying yourself and your relationship with your partner, getting established in your profession etc.

In five years time, you will look back to today and be amazed at how much you've matured. If you and your partner have a stable home then, and still wish to adopt a child, you will be much better prepared to withstand the rigours of the adoption process.

I cannot agree with the idea of surrogacy when there are already so many unloved children on our overcrowded planet.

ViolaLass

If the limit is 21 and you are 20, you don't have long to wait. If you can't wait that long, then perhaps you are doing this for the wrong reasons.

toniq

The process has to be complex, they can't hand children out to anyone, Alot of children looking to be adopted have had turbulent pasts so you can understand why ss want to thoroughly check that the child goes to the right home to suit the childs needs.

pinkclouds

For all we know, the OP could have been with her partner for 4 years already. It's really nice that they'd consider adopting an older child, who might have difficulty finding a family, instead of the babies that are always scarce and in high demand.

I think the barriers to adoption are incredibly high and one could argue that the only consideration ought to be: are these parents better for the child than the previous care situation? However, no system is perfect and there are clearly good intentions behind it. If the OP is unable to have children naturally, then why shouldn't she be desperate to adopt? She could provide a loving home for an existing child and be a stable presence in their lives for a good many years. Is it really more socially tolerable for an older lady, the wrong side of 40 or more, to be desperate for endless rounds of IVF?

Plans_all_plans

The adoption process can be long and arduous too, from what I've heard. The 2 people I know who've adopted said it took over 2 years from applying to get to the stage where they were matched with a child.

I also think that at 20, you are too young to adopt. Although I was 21 when I had my daughter (which I still think is too young really!) she didn't come with any baggage - like some of those who are up for adoption might. I think people need life experience before having children - which most 20 year olds don't have.

Also, on one of your other posts made last year, you stated you were 17. Are you only 18 now?

Barneysmom

It probably seems unfair to you, I should think you are a quite mature twenty year old.
But let's face it, most twenty year olds are out clubbing and setting their career paths.
So the rule has to be a general one to cover everybody.
In the mean time while you wait for your next birthday to come along, get yourself ready.
Go over all the questions they are likely to ask, sort out the house and get a bedroom ready for a child, have a good holiday and make sure you are really prepared for the hard work that's to come, it's not easy bringing up children xx

pinkclouds

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I also think that at 20, you are too young to adopt. Although I was 21 when I had my daughter (which I still think is too young really!) she didn't come with any baggage - like some of those who are up for adoption might. I think people need life experience before having children - which most 20 year olds don't have.

If that was the case, then we would need government enforced contraception from puberty until the designated age of "experience". It's possible to be dealt a raw hand even when it's your own genes involved - pregnancy tests, assuming you have them, don't detect everything. At least when you're adopting, you'll know in advance.

john9to5

Thanks for all the 'kind' posters ! , I do not see why on this forum people seem to be quite nasty sometimes and the post was meant to be a general discussion.

I am not in anyways 'needy' as I have been called above, I have read he goverments adoption policy and as I said that most agencys will NOT even consider anyone until there 25 so therefore I would have to wait another 5 years, Thats why I was rather botheres as it is quite a long time. I do not think posters should be debating wether I am ready for a child as they do not know my personal circumstances.

I have been with my partner for 3 years, If posters knew me personlaly then they would realise that I and my partner are ready for a child, I do not see why poster seem to generalise all 20 year olds have to be out partying having fun all the time. Surely a 20 year old is capable of having fun with a child and his partner who he loves dearly rather than going wasting money on clothes and going out clubbing, sorry if I dont fit into that box in which you have put me in.


I understand that there has to be rules and certain generalisations.

Rockporkchop

John - wasn't it only about a week ago you were saying that your partner would not even consider adoption as he wanted the baby to be biologically his? Why the sudden change?

Personally I think 21 is still too young to be able to adopt and be able to provide these (sometimes extremely troubled) youngsters with the stable homes they need. It should be 25 minimum as far as I am concerned.

I fostered children many years ago and now I have three toddlers of my own and I can tell you that bringing up children is unbelievably hard, much harder than you could ever imagine until you experience it for yourself.

All I can say is please consider just living your life to the full, enjoying your freedom, your relationship and your spare money for as long as you possibly can. You just don't sound emotionally ready for parenthood at the moment.

toniq

pinkclouds wrote: »

. Is it really more socially tolerable for an older lady, the wrong side of 40 or more, to be desperate for endless rounds of IVF?

You posted this under my post, i'm hoping it isn't a dig at me having ivf.

For starters i'm in my 30's.

I commented on this post as I had been through the care system myself and hoped my insight could help the op.