Potty training, swearing, other half and ex's

spongebabs

OP it's really none of your business! If the child lives with his mother then it's her decision when and how to train, granted dad has some input too and they should work together on it but ultimately it's down to the main carer, certainly not dad's girlfriend!! When/if you have children of your own I'm sure you'll realise how far off the Mark you are being here!

Jinx

[QUOTE=daska;
It's possible to potty train in under a week. DS2 went from nappies to dry at night in 4 days at 3 and a bit, whereas "...already started..." indicates that you expect potty training to take far longer.[/QUOTE]

I was being generous in my first post, in all honesty I would expect a 3 year old to be fully potty trained, ie in pants all day and probably at night too.

Obviously rules at nursery have changed going by some of the posts, my daughter went to a state nursery when she was 3 and she had to be 'dry' and toilet trained to accept her place.

anderson8

spongebabs wrote: »

OP it's really none of your business! If the child lives with his mother then it's her decision when and how to train, granted dad has some input too and they should work together on it but ultimately it's down to the main carer, certainly not dad's girlfriend!! When/if you have children of your own I'm sure you'll realise how far off the Mark you are being here!

i think she has the childs best interests at heart, hence why she is posting looking for advice. as a step parent myself in a 50/50 shared care arrangement with a child on the way, i know what its like to have the "im the mother and i know best," line thrown at you.
if me and hubby were ever to split, i would be glad that a new step parent was taking an interest and caring for my child, instead of ignoring/not bothering or worse treating my child badly

carrieuk

I do want what's best for him. I don't have other children of my own so this is a big learning curve for me too. It doesn't help that everyone I speak to tells me he should be trained by now and I can't do anything. It's unfair to presume that's I'm interfering because at the end of the day they agreed it not me. I just ultimately want what's best for him and if he doesn't want to be potty trained till he's 5 then that's ok. I think we might just put it on hold and leave it up to her it just seems different messages for him at the moment and I don't want him to feel pressurised at ours.

pozalina

Jinx wrote: »

I was being generous in my first post, in all honesty I would expect a 3 year old to be fully potty trained, ie in pants all day and probably at night too.

Obviously rules at nursery have changed going by some of the posts, my daughter went to a state nursery when she was 3 and she had to be 'dry' and toilet trained to accept her place.

It is now against the law to discriminate against a child by refusing entry to school/nursery because they are not toilet trained (Disabillity Discrimination Act, 1995 - now mostly superceded by Equality Act, 2010). If nursery staff tell you they must be dry (some still try it on) they can be challenged.

carrieuk

I'm going to delete the original post as it's effectively been answered.

Thank you for all your input

Jinx

pozalina wrote: »

It is now against the law to discriminate against a child by refusing entry to school/nursery because they are not toilet trained (Disabillity Discrimination Act, 1995 - now mostly superceded by Equality Act, 2010). If nursery staff tell you they must be dry (some still try it on) they can be challenged.

Fair enough. Mine is now 19, the only accidents she has now is in high heels lol

GobbledyGook

anderson8 wrote: »

i think she has the childs best interests at heart, hence why she is posting looking for advice. as a step parent myself in a 50/50 shared care arrangement with a child on the way, i know what its like to have the "im the mother and i know best," line thrown at you.
if me and hubby were ever to split, i would be glad that a new step parent was taking an interest and caring for my child, instead of ignoring/not bothering or worse treating my child badly

Playing devil's advocate though you probably wouldn't be best pleased if the step-parent was pushing your child to do something you as the main carer thinks they are not ready for.

Nor would you be pleased that they started this without any discussion (an assumption I know, but I'd have thought it would be mentioned if the mother agreed then changed her mind) with you, at a time when you had a new baby and therefore your child was potentially already feeling stressed and a bit put out and also creating you more work.


A new baby in the house can cause even a trained child to regress so it's probably not the best time to be trying, even taking away the fact the mother has a new baby to deal with. Another factor is that the majority of people I know potty train in the summer when it's warm enough to let them run about with nothing on to lessen the load of washing and make it easier to begin with.

pigpen

daska wrote: »

People used to be prepared to spend a lot more effort for lot longer on potty training for it to happen earlier. Not least because of the sheer volume of washing before disposable nappies, washing machines or even the pill! More kids closer together is definitely an incentive for getting them out of nappies as early as possible. Nappies cost!

There's also the difference between what people think of when they use the term potty trained. I know people who claim to have their kids potty trained at 6 months - including my ex MIL - absolutely daft, all they meant was that they sat the child on the potty whenever they were likely to perform and called it a success. I also know people who claim their kids were potty trained at 18 months but actually they were still putting them on the potty at times that they were likely to perform and cleaning up several messes a day just so that they could be one up on the other parents in the potty training stakes.

It's possible to potty train in under a week. DS2 went from nappies to dry at night in 4 days at 3 and a bit, whereas "...already started..." indicates that you expect potty training to take far longer.

DS1 was 2 + 3 months and done in 2 days. day and night
2 of my girls were dry and clean day and night at 18 months.. and they took themselves to the potty without prompting and we very rarely had accidents.. so it is possible... DD3 was 4.. befre she was ready.

In ye olden days they used elimination communication which some people still do.. but they often had more time (no internet ) and less money

anderson8

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Playing devil's advocate though you probably wouldn't be best pleased if the step-parent was pushing your child to do something you as the main carer thinks they are not ready for.

Nor would you be pleased that they started this without any discussion (an assumption I know, but I'd have thought it would be mentioned if the mother agreed then changed her mind) with you, at a time when you had a new baby and therefore your child was potentially already feeling stressed and a bit put out and also creating you more work.


A new baby in the house can cause even a trained child to regress so it's probably not the best time to be trying, even taking away the fact the mother has a new baby to deal with. Another factor is that the majority of people I know potty train in the summer when it's warm enough to let them run about with nothing on to lessen the load of washing and make it easier to begin with.

the way i read it was that the childs parents had agreed to start potty training, which the mother didnt keep up her side of the agreement. this could be due to the stress of a new child. but she should be clear in her communications.
the key to any healthy shared care is communication