Potty training, swearing, other half and ex's

carrieuk

Been answered thanks

jackieglasgow

With the swearing, I just said to mine "That's not very nice" and left it there - if you say too much he will enjoy that the swearing gets attention. As for the rest, I would stay well out, apart from pushing your OH to do the right thing by his son; he may not be confrontational, but his son needs a dad who will stick up for him, and help him out.

BitterAndTwisted

These are issues which your OH needs to address and resolve, not you. From what you have said, I suspect that you are anticipating a confrontation by your OH discussing these with the child's mother but that does not have to be the case at all. The mother may not feel that a 3 year-old boy is ready yet for potty-training and for some children she could be absolutely right.

As to the bad language, the best that can be hoped for is that he understands that you do not find such words and expressions acceptable at your house and will learn not to use them when he is with you. This could be raised as a worry but making it sound like an accusation would definitely not be the way to go about discussing it with the other child's carers.

daska

You have him 2 days out of 7. Why do you think it's appropriate to impose your potty training timetable?

pigpen

If you want to potty train him why don't you offer to take him for a week and get him done put it across to his mum like you are helping her rather than her being obstructive. The poor child is probably really confused! He has a new siblings is passed from one parent to the other regardless of what he wants to do.. some days it is nice just to do nothing.. he has different rules in both houses which take a lot of getting used to.. Cut the child some slack!

Re the swearing.. tell him he can speak however he wishes at his mums that is her affair but he is not to use that word at your house as it is very rude and daddy doesn't say it so neither can he!

andy.m_2

VERY difficult situation that you unfortunately need to stay well out of.

You can try to push his Dad, the way I would approach this would be that he doesn't want his Son to be behind the other kids when it comes to pre-school which is just around the corner

balletshoes

I don't see that you have any choice, as you only have the little boy 2 days out of 7, other than to wait until his mum potty trains him. And any talks about his development/swearing etc has to come from your OH to his mum, not from you.

Sorry, but unless you are like a sister to her, any approach you make to the little boy's mum is just going to be seen as interference, not support or advice.

Just_Plain_Jane

If the child is to be sucessfully potty-trained, both parents need to be singing from the same hymn sheet or you will only confuse him. As the mother is the main carer here, I think it should be her decision as to when he's ready to start.

Your tone towards the mother seems to me to be a little condescending. I do hope you're not using the boy to try to prove that you're better parents than her.

Hobo17

Does the child attend nursery? what are their rules on when a child has to be dry? Maybe that is the best way to approach it with the mother - 'I know x has to be potty trained before x date according to nursery rules... I know you have your hands full with the new baby, can we help you by having him for a week and spending some time trying to get him used to the potty? Summer is coming and it seems like a good time as he can be nappy-free in the garden'. It's not really fair to try and impose a potty training schedule on her (hands full with a baby, needs to prepare her house for accidents and make sure she has enough time to ensure she can take him to the toilet frequently).

For the moment you can still work on getting him used to having a potty around, asking him if he knows when he needs to go, etc.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

To be honest its hardly surprising the mother isnt potty training with a baby to cope with as well. My 3 year ols still has accidents (she knows shes doing it, we know shes doing it on purpose, so do nursery and the doctors, the only person who disagrees is the daft nursery nurse!) and to be honest, i cant think of anything more frustrating and difficult than potty training.

Swearing - kids pick it up from EVERYWHERE. To pinpoint it on the grandad is kind of brashy. The child could of heard it in the street, or even at nursery. not all swearing happens at home. I remember my DD saying "of for F*** sake" which is not something we say in this house, my dad does swear but not that word. Turns out DD had been listening at a local football match when someone was shouting at the ref lol It's a stage - he will grow out of it just dont give him the attention

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

And children faced with new siblings can regress even if already out of nappies, because they still want to be Mummy's baby too. Even without Daddy's girlfriend wanting them to be big boys. So it is quite common for a child who has been OK/lucky to not need to go where they are the focus of attention to have an accident as soon as they are back home again. He might even be anxious and determined not to do at yours, but once he is back home, relaxes and the inevitable happens.

Some children just aren't ready until they want to be ready. Why not let him be?