Potty training, swearing, other half and ex's

Lornadoone_2

Hi I'm with the other posters in so far as the potty training is concerned. Never mind what books or child related sites say your OH's child is very young and each child develops at a rate different to the next. Your OH would do far better to maintain the routine put in place by his ex (the childs mother)as far as this issue goes as she is the primary carer. Ideally the childs parents should try to work together on this.
As for bad language...it makes me laugh as all children pick up language and behaviour which is not appropriate. They pick it up from everyone and from everywhere. They'll spit because they've seen some person walking down the high street doing it. Dont get hung up on it. If you pass comment the child could and more than likely will do it again as it gives them attention!! The childs parents are on a steep learning curve if this child is their first........

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Lornadoone wrote: »

Hi I'm with the other posters in so far as the potty training is concerned. Never mind what books or child related sites say your OH's child is very young and each child develops at a rate different to the next. Your OH would do far better to maintain the routine put in place by his ex (the childs mother)as far as this issue goes as she is the primary carer. Ideally the childs parents should try to work together on this.
As for bad language...it makes me laugh as all children pick up language and behaviour which is not appropriate. They pick it up from everyone and from everywhere. They'll spit because they've seen some person walking down the high street doing it. Dont get hung up on it. If you pass comment the child could and more than likely will do it again as it gives them attention!! The childs parents are on a steep learning curve if this child is their first........

indeed! (Swearing is only one of the embarrassing things a 3 year old can do - My dd asked the vicar on Easter sunday why jesus had "bug*ered off" from his cave :eek: - Obviously she was talking about the resurrection. Her grandad tells her to jokingly "bug*er off" when he's tired, she just adapted it to Jesus!)

clearingout

as someone who's ex's girlfriends called my 2 1/2 year old child 'lazy' because he wasn't potty trained, my gut reaction is to tell you to butt out of something that isn't your business! I'll stop short of saying that, however, as I assume that your partner first discussed the potty training issue with mum and got her agreement to go ahead? If this isn't the case, then frankly, neither of you have any 'right' to try and potty train him as it needs both parents on board to do this successfully. Poor child is probably getting mixed messages which is sole destroying at that age.

In our situation, I didn't believe that our son was ready. Neither did his childminder. Ex and girlfriend did (or at least, the girlfriend did so the ex did as he was told). It caused no end of unnecessary trouble. I stood my ground and the child potty trained when I considered it appropriate. He did it very quickly at that point.

If you are the one 'leading' the potty training then I politely suggest you back away. He's not your child. You may consider him ready, you may consider it 'late' to be training. But it's not your job to have an opinion. Apologies if I'm offending - not my intention (just something I had a crap experience with!).

Lornadoone_2

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

indeed! (Swearing is only one of the embarrassing things a 3 year old can do - My dd asked the vicar on Easter sunday why jesus had "bug*ered off" from his cave :eek: - Obviously she was talking about the resurrection. Her grandad tells her to jokingly "bug*er off" when he's tired, she just adapted it to Jesus!)

Hahahaha....fantastic, so funny Mimi. :rotfl:

Counting_Pennies_2

I have to agree with the other posters, it is not your place to enforce the timetable for potty training.

Boys are naturally later than girls to train, and 3 is not late, often the right age to start. These days preschools take them with nappies, and as long as they are dry by the time they start big school there really is not a problem.

With regards to your observation about a new baby, yes a 4 month old will take up an enormous amount of time. Having two children is very hard work in the first three years.

The little man has probably seen some stressful moments it is hard work with a supportive partner in tow and without one having anew baby and a toddler is one of the hardest things to go through and they do pick up on bad behaviour.

In terms of potty training, it has to be agreed and run in conjunction with the mother. In the meantime I would keep in nappies and if you are so determined ask him to let you know if he wants to go to the toilet, and if he does let you know pop him on the toilet and then back in his nappy, this is the pre potty training routine that some people take. Anything beyond that, it is not your place.

I would also remember that for harmonious relations with the child and father to remember that he has a mother and that it has to be respected. You CANNOT enforce your beliefs, if and when you have a child you will know there is not a one way fits all.

pinkclouds

I agree with most of what's been posted. The bad language needs to be nipped in the bud. Ignore it when possible and explain it's not acceptable when it gets too much. The toilet training shouldn't be "forced" - it should come naturally when the child is ready. However, I don't see a problem with encouraging use of the toilet at the weekend - if the child is willing and able. After all, many kids go through an in between phase of wearing underwear during the daytime and nappies at nighttime and seem to manage fine. This could be similar. Kids are very adaptable creatures. Ultimately the mom's routines and standards should be respected though and the child should be sent home wearing a nappy. It is very challenging with a toddler and a young baby and I don't believe that wearing a nappy hinders toilet training - kids can and do still ask to go to the toilet even when they're wearing a nappy. Well, mine do/did. (I have a toddler and a pre-schooler - one trained and one training.)

Jinx

I must be old fashioned - I would totally expect a 3 year old to be toilet trained during the day time at least. I appreciate not all are the same, but yes definitely already started. (Im 37 btw!!)

OP you may never be able to have a friendly chat with the little ones mum; however thats not to say in the future she wont appreciate your help. I have the utmost respect for my daughters step mother - they adored each other and she helped her become the confident 19 year old she is now.

anderson8

i agree that the mother needs to be the one to instigate the potty training, but i also think its nice that a step parent is so interested and is taking the time to get advice to help their step child.

i know a lot of step parents arent that bothered about step kids as they arent biologically theirs

DON79

My two boys were both potty trained by 2 and a half years. But my first boy was just ready for it and his brother just wanted to copy him so he trained himself virtually... But we did have the occasional setbacks with both - even now they still have an occasional accident. But it is upto the mum to decide when to train him so I think you would be best to leave it upto her & your partner to discuss this without pushing your partner into raising the issue.

And with a 4 month old baby, she is probably really tired and the last thing she wants to be doing is mopping up accidents. Can you imagine how hard it would be that if you are sitting there feeding 4 month old and the 3 yr old tells you he needs the toilet NOW.... and you just cannot drop everything including the baby.

I am sure also she would love him to be out of Nappies as it is one of the things I was delighted to not have to pay out for when my two got trained - until I had my third that is! It is an expense I am sure she would like to lose.

I think you will just have to bite your tongue and let the little boy come and tell you if he wants to use the toilet.

daska

Jinx wrote: »

I must be old fashioned - I would totally expect a 3 year old to be toilet trained during the day time at least. I appreciate not all are the same, but yes definitely already started. (Im 37 btw!!)

People used to be prepared to spend a lot more effort for lot longer on potty training for it to happen earlier. Not least because of the sheer volume of washing before disposable nappies, washing machines or even the pill! More kids closer together is definitely an incentive for getting them out of nappies as early as possible. Nappies cost!

There's also the difference between what people think of when they use the term potty trained. I know people who claim to have their kids potty trained at 6 months - including my ex MIL - absolutely daft, all they meant was that they sat the child on the potty whenever they were likely to perform and called it a success. I also know people who claim their kids were potty trained at 18 months but actually they were still putting them on the potty at times that they were likely to perform and cleaning up several messes a day just so that they could be one up on the other parents in the potty training stakes.

It's possible to potty train in under a week. DS2 went from nappies to dry at night in 4 days at 3 and a bit, whereas "...already started..." indicates that you expect potty training to take far longer.