Does this sound right? - divorce

clearingout

catfish50 wrote: »

Put the children's interests first. If beds aren't available near their school, then arrange contact but NOT overnight stays on school nights. Obvious, really.

In this case, the NRP could presumably have the children at weekends, in his home 100 miles away. It would be interesting to see what his reaction to such a suggestion would be.

but my point was, if mum 'put the children's interests first' and said, no bed, no overnight contact, someone would come back with her being a contact blocker, shout about how dad has equal rights to bring up his children, etc. etc. etc. If the children are safe in this set up, happy with it generally, are eating well, doing their activities, completing homework, getting to school on time the next day and teachers are not commenting on how tired they are, having a good relationship with dad, does it matter that the sleeping arrangements could perhaps be better?

Divorce throws up all sorts of chaos for everyone concerned. If this works for this family, then it isn't wrong, is it?

catfish50

clearingout wrote: »

but my point was, if mum 'put the children's interests first' and said, no bed, no overnight contact, someone would come back with her being a contact blocker, shout about how dad has equal rights to bring up his children, etc. etc. etc.

And?

If the children are safe in this set up, happy with it generally, are eating well, doing their activities, completing their homework, getting to school on time the next day and teachers are not commenting on how tired they are, having a good relationship with dad, does it matter that the sleeping arrangements could perhaps be better?

That's a lot of if's.

My personal opinion is that it does matter. How is it in the children's best interest to have contact with their father during the week, when they have to sleep either in his girlfriend's bed or in his girlfriend's children's bed, instead of at the weekend when there would be time to actually have fun? This arrangement seems to put the parents' interests first with little concern for the effect on the children.

Divorce throws up all sorts of chaos for everyone concerned. If this works for this family, then it isn't wrong, is it?

It works for the parents.

mackemdave

peachyprice wrote: »

It's granted automatically only if there are no further complications that need to be sorted.

The 6 weeks between nisi and absolute are there as the last chance to settle any outstanding disputes/objections/change of mind, a bit like a cooling off period.

If things could not be raised during this time there would be no point in having a 6 week wait.

Its not granted automatically it has to be applied for by the person who started divorce proceedings....It has no bearing on whether the financials have been sorted but solicitors will not apply for it until a consent order is in place.I did my own divorce and got the absolute because I applied for it no one questioned the fact that there was consent order in place

peachyprice

clearingout wrote: »

Can't win, can she? She tries to do the right thing and share the care of the children and she's something of a floosy, getting on with her life and enjoying her time away from her children just a little bit too much?

OR

She kicks up a fuss, holds onto the children until they have a proper bed to sleep in, is accused therefore of trying to maximise the ex's child maintenance liability so she can buy handbags and drink vodka, and is generally a bad mother 'cos she's not acting in the children's best interests.

Jeez! What the hell are we ex wives supposed to do?!

Calm down, all I said is that is UNUSUAL to find an ex who would be happy for her children to have no fixed sleeping arrangements and make do at a place their father doesn't even live and that there are many women who would use that against their ex.

FWIW I'm an ex wife with shared care and it works very well, but I still wouldn't have been happy with the arrangement OP's OH has with his wife. I would have expected my children to have their own space at the very least, not doss in another child's bedroom or in their dad's and his girlfriends bed 50% of their lives.

peachyprice

pigpen wrote: »

LOL.. I would hope not.. it did make me laugh though.. esp. as he told me I was frigid for most of our marriage.. :D:D

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Did you find all those babies under the bushes then

peachyprice

mackemdave wrote: »

Its not granted automatically it has to be applied for by the person who started divorce proceedings....It has no bearing on whether the financials have been sorted but solicitors will not apply for it until a consent order is in place.I did my own divorce and got the absolute because I applied for it no one questioned the fact that there was consent order in place

Sorry, my mistake, it was my ex who did the divorce, so to me it all seemed to happen without any input

bewilderedhelpneeded

catfish50 wrote: »

Put the children's interests first. If beds aren't available near their school, then arrange contact but NOT overnight stays on school nights. Obvious, really.

In this case, the NRP could presumably have the children at weekends, in his home 100 miles away. It would be interesting to see what his reaction to such a suggestion would be.

This used to be the arrangement - he had the children every weekend, but this wasn't allowing her to have any quality time with the children which is why it was changed to every other weekend and some time during the week

catfish50

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

... wasn't allowing her to have any quality time with the children...

Yeah right. She's so determined to have "quality time" with her children she doesn't hesitate to send them off three nights a week to sleep in the house of their father's girlfriend who has no room for them but gives up her own children's beds or her own bed and sleeps on the floor in order to ensure this "quality time". In fact, your boyfriend's wife is the only person in this whole set-up who gets to sleep in her own bed every night. It's absurd!

You're being incredibly, unbelievably, humiliatingly accommodating to this married man, who keeps on not getting divorced and not marrying you. Why on earth do you want to marry a man who treats you like this?

Ten to one he's still hoping to get back with his wife.

pigpen

peachyprice wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Did you find all those babies under the bushes then

Of course! Where else!? ..

pigpen

catfish50 wrote: »

Yeah right. She's so determined to have "quality time" with her children she doesn't hesitate to send them off three nights a week to sleep in the house of their father's girlfriend who has no room for them but gives up her own children's beds or her own bed and sleeps on the floor in order to ensure this "quality time". In fact, your boyfriend's wife is the only person in this whole set-up who gets to sleep in her own bed every night. It's absurd!

You're being incredibly, unbelievably, humiliatingly accommodating to this married man, who keeps on not getting divorced and not marrying you. Why on earth do you want to marry a man who treats you like this?

Ten to one he's still hoping to get back with his wife.

Now I was thinking he may well just have someone else a little closer his home 100 miles away.. but I thought I was being cynical..

I would feel incredibly used and violated in this set up.