Does this sound right? - divorce

bewilderedhelpneeded

Padstow wrote: »

There is so much misinformation on this thread. mackemdave is totally correct though. Also granting absolute is not automatic, has to be applied for. Just got mine, think it was £45. That was after 18 months of sorting the finance and 70k spent between us. Ouch!

The biggest puzzle in the OP is why did the father move so far away from the children?

He lives away from the children as at the time they seperated he moved out and the only thing he could afford to rent was a caravan. Ok during the summer but not suitable for the children at other times. He could not afford to rent anywhere near to the children as rents are astronomical so he was offered subsidised 3 bed by family member which unfortunately is too far away from the children to sort out after school activities (sometimes two activities on an evening with time inbetween). By the time they finished last activity and driven all the way to their Dads home it is past their normal bedtime, and then they have to leave the house far far earlier to get to school in time.

bewilderedhelpneeded

catfish50 wrote: »

It still sounds tough on the children to me. Hope you manage to resolve the issues soon in a satisfactory manner, and all the children can be settled with stability again.

Yes I agree that it isn't ideal, but this situation is better than them having to sit in a car for absolutely ages to get to their Dads house and then have to get up really early in the morning to get to school on time. Not to mention the travelling and petrol costs that my partner would have to do running them too and from both homes (we are talking about 100 mile round trip)

catfish50

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Yes I agree that it isn't ideal, but this situation is better than them having to sit in a car for absolutely ages to get to their Dads house and then have to get up really early in the morning to get to school on time. Not to mention the travelling and petrol costs that my partner would have to do running them too and from both homes (we are talking about 100 mile round trip)

That's the thing, you see. It seems to me shared custody isn't really practical with him living so far away. Frankly, are you sure you're not just being used as a solution to this problem?

peachyprice

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Do you mean the ex wife should not let the children stay at my house full stop or do you mean that she should not let them stay due to sleeping arrangements and if so do you mean my partners children staying in my childrens room when they are not there or them staying in my room or both? just interested in other peoples point of view!

Sorry, didn't mean to imply there is anything wrong with your house!

But is is very unusual for a mother to be so carefree about lack of permanent sleeping arrangements for her children, and to accept her children sleeping at a girlfriends house where the father doesn't even live. It would usually be something that would be used against the father to limit access or stall a divorce.

But I'm guessing she likes her time away from the children too much

bewilderedhelpneeded

catfish50 wrote: »

That's the thing, you see. It seems to me shared custody isn't really practical with him living so far away. Frankly, are you sure you're not just being used as a solution to this problem?

That was where I was coming from when I said that I wasn't sure if I was being seen as being a 'convenience' .

peachyprice

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

That was where I was coming from when I said that I wasn't sure if I was being seen as being a 'convenience' .

I think you are, by both of them.

bewilderedhelpneeded

peachyprice wrote: »

Sorry, didn't mean to imply there is anything wrong with your house!

But is is very unusual for a mother to be so carefree about lack of permanent sleeping arrangements for her children, and to accept her children sleeping at a girlfriends house where the father doesn't even live. It would usually be something that would be used against the father to limit access or stall a divorce.

But I'm guessing she likes her time away from the children too much

Don't worry - I didn't take it to mean that there was anything wrong with my house!

To be honest I don't think I would be very happy if my children were sleeping at a girlfriends house where their Dad did not live. but she has never said she wasn't ok with it, just mentioned about squeeking bed during mediation process!!

Yes, she does like her time away from the children as we have found out! lol

bewilderedhelpneeded

peachyprice wrote: »

I think you are, by both of them.

Do you mean by both my partner and his ex?

catfish50

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

That was where I was coming from when I said that I wasn't sure if I was being seen as being a 'convenience' .

If you don't feel 100% confident that he's not using you, that may be because he is.

Are you sure your kids are ok with their bedrooms being used by his kids? It's so hard sometimes for children to express their true feelings when they can sense what response is hoped for. And sometimes parents think they can tell what their children are feeling but they're mistaken. Been there.

peachyprice

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Do you mean by both my partner and his ex?

Yes! >>>>>>>