BF wants to clear my debt...

tobedifferent

I'm engaged to a wonderful debt free and fairly wealthy man who received a large inheritence from his grandfather. He is purchasing a house next year, we won't have any mortgage as he can afford to buy outright and still have substantial savings. The no rent issue alone is a massive help.

Anyway, he wants a debt free wife and wants to clear my debt. I'm not sure as the debt is my responsibility. My plan is moving on and I should have cleared all debt except my big loan by the time he sells the land he inherited next year. The redemption figure on the loan will then be about £13K.

His argument is that it will cost me a lot more money in interest than we'd get from savings, we could then save and invest our mutual spare cash so we can head for an early retirement.

It all makes great fiscal sense but i'm worried that people will think i'm in the relationship for the money. I'm not, I love him and will not enter into the above agreement without a legally binding agreement that I have to repay him.

I'm a very lucky lady but I have my doubts with this issue. I'm very independent, I got into this mess and have been working hard to get myself out of it. I feel guilty in letting him clear this debt, he already does too much for me.

The issue for me is I did this I need to get out of it. I'm not used to handing it over to someone else. Hes a little upset that I'm reluctant but I want him to know that I love him because he's my best friend and I dread the thought that if I have an off day he will think I am with him for what hes got rather than who he is. I'd hate him to think that because I love him beyond belief.

Any comments would be appreciated.

Thank you,

TBD
xx

southernscouser

If he is so insistent on making you happy tell him it would mean everything to you if he paid off my debts.

tobedifferent

Hey SS I've got plans for that cash! I want a fab kitchen!

southernscouser

tobedifferent wrote:

Hey SS I've got plans for that cash! I want a fab kitchen!

Yeah but what would make you happier? A new kitchen or me being debt free?

p00pieb0tt0m

I think you should show your bf your post. It describes how you feel very well.

A couple of thoughts for you:

You say 'Proud to be dealing with my debts'
You say 'I'm very independent'
You say 'I'm worried that people will think i'm in the relationship for the money.'

Their are a couple of meanings to the word proud. Are you haughty/arrogant or self-respecting?

Also, those who are truly independent do not listen/depend on or take notice of other peoples opinions.

Please don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Being in a solid and loving relationship is the best thing in the world and as part of a couple you should consider giving up some of your independence, embracing your bf and his help and you're right it does make fiscal sense.

mrcow

Hi tobedifferent,

I have experience of this (although the other way round).

When I first met my b/f he owed thousands (I think about £13k in total although it's hard to remember as the debts were everywhere). I took out loans to cover his cc debts and chunked off loads of his debt with my (quite large at the time) salary over the next two years or so.

I couldn't have given a monkey's about what other people thought, I was in love and I wanted to do what was right. I knew that my future lay with him and I wanted that future to be promising.

As soon as I fell in love.....it was no longer his debt....but OUR debt! and I was happy to be constructively dealing with it (I suppose being a control freak had something to do with it perhaps?!). TBH I didn't even give him a say in the matter, it was more a question of "Okay, show me the statements" and I was off .

Ten years later, we are now debt free and have two (soon to be three) wonderful children and a lovely big house. We own everything we have (except our mortgage which we are working on paying off very early!). All our financial decisions ar made jointly. We respect money, as we do debt and I think it was a good learning experience for the both of us.

All I'm trying to say is, if he wants to do it, then let him and stuff what anyone else thinks. Don't feel guilty, he's doing it because he wants to and because he loves you. I wouldn't bother about drawing up any agreement, just work with him to get your savings as high as you can (and don't get into any more debt ).

Good luck. I hope that you are both very happy.

I_was_a_fool

Hi there tobedifferent

Respect! Can understand how you feel, but think of all that interest as wasted money, that could instead be added to your savings & benefit both of you. By all means pay it all back, but pay it towards your future together, rather than paying interest to finance companies!

Sharon

LookingAhead

Does anyone else actually have to know he paid off your debts?

If he wants to, let him. But yes, make sure the 'repayment' money goes towards stuff for both of you & your future.

Don't let what someone else *might* think spoil anything. If they are going to judge you for it (should they find out), are they worth worrying about anyway?

If you had a best friend in your situation, would you judge her? I doubt it. So what I am trying to say in a round a bout way is, those who care about you won't care about his generosity.

Blimey I hope that makes sense!

kit34

hi
let him pay off the debt it makes financial sense if you want a secure future together i was in the same situation and my bf did the same for me after lots of humming and ahhing my me of course as i was also worried what people might think etc , it was the best thing we as a couple could have done and we are now secure without all the worry of old debts following into a bright shiny future

duncans-mum_2

I agree with all of the above. It is a wonderful, generous offer HE has made to YOU. You haven't asked for anything. I can totally understand how you are feeling, but you are entering into a partnership, and the money you can save together will be part of the future for both of you. As LA said, no-one else needs to know about it, and think any bad things. As long as your fiance knows how much you love him, thats all that matters.

woohoo_postingid

Maybe he could lend it to you as an interest-free loan? That way you still pay your debts but quicker and without the interest