Advice needed please!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Pack your stuff when he's out, go to your Mum's and leave a note. He doesn't sound the type to be trusted not to become violent once someone else takes control.

If you can't carry it, leave it and get yourself another one of whatever it is. All you need are your passport, driving licence, bank cards and a change of underwear. If you don't think you can get away with packing, just have these in your handbag, make sure he isn't looking and go.

lostinrates

delilahstar wrote: »

For a relationship that's lasted nearly two years, it's all just seemed a waste.

No, not a waste. I wouldn't be in my past relationships again if you paid me, but they gave me guidelines as to what I could live with and what I couldn't live without in the relationship I'll be in for life. If I hadn't had my past relationships I'd perhaps not realise how very special my husband is, or how fun and drama is easily confused with heart stopping love. And how the desperate and claustrophobic feeling of having to fit in with what keeps another party happy all the time for a quiet life is not love either.

I value the fun times in past relationships, and th less fun times. They weren't wasted times, they were worth having in their own right and for preparation for marriage and indeed for the times I was single inbetween.

Relationships ending are sad but not as sad as trying to keep a dead relationship alive.

meritaten

hun, you have NOT wasted two years - you have experienced life. you have had experience of living with an abusive person (because that is what he is). This will stand you in good stead in future providing you do the sensible thing and go now. Do you think it was easy for his mum to warn you??????????? she must like you and care about you.
If you were MY Daughter I would want you home with me.
If you were my DIL I would want you away from here and safe.
Take the essentials - and go!

delilahstar

I still don't know how to approach it, I feel as if with this stupid mental illness that I can't "man up" or so to speak and get the balls to open my mouth and go.

catfish50

delilahstar wrote: »

How do I even approach this subject to move out? I know its better for my health, and I know that I won't be single forever. For a relationship that's lasted nearly two years, it's all just seemed a waste.

If you stay another year, that will be three years wasted.

Besides, it's not really wasted. Some of it's been good. The good times are over. Accept it and move out before things get any worse. Then you'll have learned some very important truths (violent people keep on being violent) and none of it will have been wasted.

Don't discuss it -- just go.

scooby088

I would say that from the start you arent matched as you want to get married and he doesn't, doing something that the other doesn't want to do with only add to his resentment, i think you should make a fresh start away from him, i do speak from experience that i used to punch walls when i got angry and ended up paying to get my anger management counselling, if he hasn't made the change now he is unlikely to do so in the future.

BitterAndTwisted

delilahstar wrote: »

How do I even approach this subject to move out? I know its better for my health, and I know that I won't be single forever. For a relationship that's lasted nearly two years, it's all just seemed a waste.

Angel, it isn't and has never been a waste. Pay attention to what Lostinrates said: every single relationship and friendship we experience is part of our journey of self-discovery. Even though you don't appreciate it right now, this experience will arm you for the next relationship you have and so on.

In your position, given what you have said about your OH's temper and destructiveness I would not consider having a face-to-face discussion with him about this. Quite frankly, I don't think he deserves it. Make a plan to get everything you need out of there, even phoning for a estate-car minicab if you can't arrange transport through a friend. Write a note. And leave.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

delilahstar wrote: »

I still don't know how to approach it, I feel as if with this stupid mental illness that I can't "man up" or so to speak and get the balls to open my mouth and go.

Actions speak louder than words. Say nothing and get out.

January20

I agree with the others. You don't need to say anything. Prepare yourself mentally to leave, wait until he is out for a period of time, packed and go. Leave a note.

delilahstar

He's not going to work for another week - so I don't know when I can do that. He just spend's his days on this stupid game on his PC. He won't go to his mothers because they had a big bust up on Saturday - due to his temper.