Advice needed please!

delilahstar

Okay, so long story...

I'm 21 and a Student Nurse (in my last year or uni) been with my boyfriend for 22 months, lived with him for 6. For the last 18 months or so, I've had depression, and in March I finally got off my backside and went and did something about it, depression was officially diagnosed and now I'm on medication. I have days where I just sit there, not talking, no interest in anything etc, I bet you all know the symptoms so I wont go on! This caused arguments with my boyfriend, some of it was because of myself having no sex drive (no such activity in 4 months) he was wondering if I lost interest in him, which I said I didn't. He knows that I would never cheat on him.

His temper is a real big issue. When I got with him, his mother said he would turn out like his dad. But he was lovely for the first year. Yes, I know there is a honeymoon period where everything is nice but he was still lovely! Now he has the most foul temper. He snaps at me, criticizes me, starts an argument for no reason. He is just a completely different person. The amount of times this past 3 months where we have sat down and had a "serious talk" and it always ends up me giving him another chance.

He did go to the doctors to talk about anger management and the practice nurse said she would send him some stuff, this was months ago. Now, if it was me going to see her about depression and then have her not send stuff out, my boyfriend would be on my back to get in touch and get what I need and then argue with me because "im not bothered that I need help". But when I approach this subject with him, he argues with me and screams at me. I was talking to his mother today and apparently he has told her he doesn't feel he has to change his behaviour. I'm meant to be trying to get better, and he is just making me feel worse and I don't know what to do. My mother has offered me my old room back while I find a flat, and I am wondering if I should take this option and end the relationship?

Sorry for this long winded story!

MarieMc

The amount of times this past 3 months where we have sat down and had a "serious talk" and it always ends up me giving him another chance.

You're getting nowhere, he won't change, if he loved you he'd have seen the error of his ways after the first "serious" talk and changed already.

Get rid of him, go save some money living back at home and enjoy yourself :-) The length of time you have been together is not all that much in the grand scheme of things, but only you can make the final choice.

meritaten

Go back to Mums hun - you need some TLC and I dunno why - (maybe from what you said in your post) your BF could be the cause of your depression. At the very least I would listen to HIS mum who has obviously been trying to warn you. Go back to mum, dont see BF until you feel your depression has lifted and you have taken a long hard look as to the cause of it.
My very best wishes
merit

ovoreo

Your 21. Concentrate on yourself right now. Being a student nurse must be so demanding too. I wish somebody would have said that to me. Go back to your mum's and get some TLC and head space. You don't need a man with anger problems in your life. Sorry to be blunt but I was once in a very similar position to you. I didn't know what was happening, I had no energy, no sex drive, trying to cope with running a household for the first time with no help and hold down a very demanding job and studying part-time, I had changed so much and I had this boyf who allowed me to blame myself, winged that I didn't get myself 'fixed' and pretty much caused me masses of emotional damage over the years as well as the occasional punching through doors and throwing things (never at me but still not nice). Unfortunately I waited for too long, until he left me for a younger model (I didn't realise that could happen when you were still in your 20's!). I recovered well and I am now me again.

thefishdude

i agree with whats said above i think you need to end this. it clearly looks like the relaionship is having a bad effect on if not causing your depression. and you certainly dont need someone with afoul temper in ya life

BitterAndTwisted

He snaps at you, criticizes you, starts an argument for no reason? He wants the relationship to end but he's too chickensh!t to come out and admit it, thus he's giving you the opportunity to be the one who ends it. Then he won't feel like the a-hole.

I'd have packed my bags long ago. You don't need someone in your life who is so unsupportive right at the very time when you need it most. Get shot of him

January20

You need to be looked after and supported. This boy is not able to do that for you. Take your mum's offer and go and stay with her for as long as you need to. He doesn't think he has a problem so he won't seek help. Do you want to stay with him and be miserable for the rest of your life? Would you like to eventually bring up children in such a relationship?

If you were my dd, I would be at your door with empty suitcases...

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

If i hadn't had sex with my girlfriend for 4 months i'd be pretty cranky too. Just have a few drinks and put out, it might helpmhim relax and you might be more cheerful.

scooby088

The OP boyfriend needs to change for himself not his girlfriend. I would suggest have a make or break talk with him ask him once more to goto see about anger management but i would suggest moving out while he does this and the OP needs to deal with her problems too and look for the causes of your depression.

sock-knitter

i've been in a similar relationshiop in the past, i think the best thing you can do for yourself is to end it, this guy sounds like he will never change, and this will add to your depression, or may well be the main cause of it

delilahstar

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

If i hadn't had sex with my girlfriend for 4 months i'd be pretty cranky too. Just have a few drinks and put out, it might helpmhim relax and you might be more cheerful.

I'm not going to sit there, or lay there or what have you, and not enjoy it. I'm not going to be drinking just to please him. Drinking makes me worse, so why should I pay for the few days after feeling worse?

He told me he doesn't want to get married, he doesn't believe in marriage. I want to get married, and he said he would do it because I wanted to, but I want him to want it. I'm not forcing him to do anything he doesn't want. I can't just keep thinking about the days when he is really lovely, because I know that's not right, and I'd rather have the nice memories. He has started to chuck stuff about, smashing things up because of his anger.