Advice needed please!

January20

delilahstar wrote: »

I'm not going to sit there, or lay there or what have you, and not enjoy it. I'm not going to be drinking just to please him. Drinking makes me worse, so why should I pay for the few days after feeling worse?

He told me he doesn't want to get married, he doesn't believe in marriage. I want to get married, and he said he would do it because I wanted to, but I want him to want it. I'm not forcing him to do anything he doesn't want. I can't just keep thinking about the days when he is really lovely, because I know that's not right, and I'd rather have the nice memories. He has started to chuck stuff about, smashing things up because of his anger.

Ignore the post that you quoted. The poster obviously didn't read and/ or understand your posts! Anyway, even a few months without sex shouldn't be an excuse or an explanation to such behaviour . Otherwise the streets would be full of violent, dangerous men! (and women I suppose!)

As for your boyfriend, if he is starting to smash things up, how long before he starts on you?

BitterAndTwisted

Chucking stuff about and smashing things up? GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN, WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

Oldernotwiser

Get rid of him and prepare to start your new working life as an independent woman. Do not even dream of marrying him!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Even his mother has tried to warn you off him at least twice - once to avoid him in the first place, once to warn you that he doesn't want to change. That makes him a very bad person to even think about being with.

Get out, break free, change your phone number - never speak to him again.

ovoreo

delilahstar wrote: »

He has started to chuck stuff about, smashing things up because of his anger.

I remember an incident where I'd said something or done something wrong (I forget what) and he smashed up his brand new iphone. He threw it on the floor and continually stamped on it. The damage was my fault and he was in a sour mood for ages.

Another incident occured when I apparently said something stupid and he slammed a bottle of ketchup back onto the table with the cap still off and it sprayed the dining room ceiling and all the walls.

This isn't healthly. Get out whilst you still can. There really are plenty more fish in the sea and at 21 you don't need to be married (again I wish somebody had said to me although I know I wouldn't have listened).

And I'm pleased you don't intend to take Ronaldo's advice. If you don't enjoy it and don't want it but can't work out why, its more about the environment and relationship you are in than you being frigid. I use that hurtful word because it was used on me many times (only a few close friends and family know about that) and the amount of emotion damage that has caused me I can't tell you but its unlikely to be you I promise. I've had quite normal relationships before and after him. I personally found it had alot to do with environment and being so young I found it hard to cope with the pressure that I was under (ie. household management, cooking dinner every night, working long hours, studying part-time for degree, etc).

Mojisola

delilahstar wrote: »

For the last 18 months or so, I've had depression, and in March I finally got off my backside and went and did something about it, depression was officially diagnosed and now I'm on medication.

ovoreo wrote: »

And I'm pleased you don't intend to take Ronaldo's advice. If you don't enjoy it and don't want it but can't work out why, its more about the environment and relationship you are in than you being frigid.

It's as overeo says - plus many depression medicines cause a loss of libido.

From what you've written, I can't see any reason for you to stay with this man.

bluenoseam

i think it's best for BOTH of you if the relationship ends, frankly at 21 (i didn't see you mention his age) it's not exactly the end of the world but right about now you sound as compatible as oil & water.

delilahstar

How do I even approach this subject to move out? I know its better for my health, and I know that I won't be single forever. For a relationship that's lasted nearly two years, it's all just seemed a waste.

top_drawer_2

Straight out would be the best way. You don't need to tiptoe round him, you are not responsible for him or his actions.

Just because the relationship has ended doesnt make it a waste; you have enjoyed some of the time with him and gained some knowledge from the relationship. And apart from anything else, better to end it after two years than after 5 or 10 years; your relationship with this guy is going nowhere good.

Jen

southoftheriver

You already knew that you needed to move out, it was obvious from the way you posted. You just need to have the self esteem to believe that you are worth better. It's good your mum has given you a shelter where you can go and get some support. You approach moving out in the way that you need to to keep yourself safe. When you are stronger you can thnk about everything else. Obviously the rent still needs to be paid and all of that but you can sort that out from your mum's. I wish you all the best its horrible to realise your relationship isn't what you thought it was.